WVBethMarie

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'd like to say that I've always enjoyed reading this forum, I've been a fan for about 4 years now. I'll get right to it...I decided when I was 13 that I was going to be a nurse. At that time my mom was in the hospital dying and the thing that amazed me the most was how great the MICU nursing team was. I loved the technology...I was amazed by the dialysis machine and the ventilators...I thought how cool it must be to learn how to use those things. Then in my mom's final days when I stopped thinking about machines and started feeling scared and alone, I was amazed by the kindness and love the nurses gave me. My own father wouldn't comfort me during this time because he had problems of his own, and I didn't have any other family members to truly lean on. I remember the nurses going after me when I ran away crying to the bathroom, I remember a nurse holding my hand when we had to go to a "conference room" the night before my mom died. I don't quite remember the details of the day of her death, I don't even remember if I said bye to the nurses. Some things I blocked out and I can't recall to this day. So after her death I got so excited about being a nurse. I would visit nursing websites (guess which one?), buy nursing books, study medical books. This was nothing new...I remember before the deal with my mom had happened my dad had open heart surgery. My parents were upfront and let me watch videos explaining the procedure. I was amazed! I'd impress adults who would ask my mother about the condition of my father, and I instead would answer about the procedure. And let's go back, even before that. In 1995 my dad had a tumor removed from his brain. Needless to say he had a gruesome scar that was covered by a badge. My parents thought I was too young to handle it but I begged to be there when they cleaned the wound, I had to see it. When I did I wasn't grossed out at all. I begged to help my mom clean it but she would not go that far. When my dad was feeling better I asked him to read me his medical encyclopedia, the section about the brain. Moral of the story is I was always a very medical minded little girl. So at age 13 I was set on becoming a nurse but as the years went by...and high school came...the dream faded. Math and science became hard for me and I struggled barely making C's. I was still depressed about my mom and I started being the "bad kid." I'd smoke weed and listen to alternative music thinking that I was going to be a famous writer someday. English has and always will be my best subject, I made the highest grade in my Honors English 10 class and I was the only one to make an A in my AP Lit class. I figured God had given me a talent of writing so why become a nurse? Far too less glamourous for me. As time went on I started changing. I stopped doing my little drugs having seen what my friends were going through. I started trying hard in school and made a C in PHYSICS. Now to a person who sucks at math and science, that's an accomplishment. I should have took Chemistry or Biology, but at that time I wasn't thinking about nursing. I also made my first B ever in a math class, geometry. I'm still not happy with the classes I took in HS...have A LOT of catching up to do in college. But I wowed myself my senior year. By age 18 (which I turned in Oct.) I was pretty much a normal kid again. I was happy for the first time in a long time. I started being more social and got more friends. Life was really going good for me and it kept going good up until the weeks after graduation. I was set to go to an out of state school to study English of course. I still daydreamed about being a glamourous writer. I had applied to a local college too and was a pre-nursing student there but I figured that was just a back up. It had to be, as far behind and math and science as I was it was not a possiblity to be a nursing student. 2 weeks or so after my graduation my dad went to the hospital. They wanted to do a biopsy on his lung. They had spotted a spot on it months earlier but the doctors said it was just scar tissue and we waited 3 months. But by then it had gotten bigger and a biopsy was needed. Now my dad is a smoker and has been for over 50 years. I've tried getting him to stop but he won't. My mom was the same way, she smoked all through her pregnancy with me. She smoked around me while I was a baby and wondered why I had asthma. They just loved cigarettes and up until that point my dad did too. He smoked as I drove him to the hospital for his surgery. The results of his biopsy came back as cancer. Okay, that's fine. I had been expecting that and the Dr. said it might be that. But they expected it to be mild. Yeeaaaaaah right. My dad has cancer in both lungs, many lymph nodes (they took out three that were cancerous), his adrenal glands, I'm not even sure what else yet. He has Stage 4 lung cancer. The doctors told him they were putting him on chemo but doubt it would work. 2 years at the most...that's what the doctors said about his life expectency. 2 years if everything goes perfect. 5 years would be a miracle. At that point I knew my out of state college dream was not happening. I'd be forced to go to my back-up school, where I was majoring in my back up career. He's taking chemo now and while in the process I realized once again what I had felt so many years before. This was what I was supposed to do. I am supposed to help people like him. My interest in medicine had never really went away and I found myself excited at the prospect of being a nurse once again. My dad was happy too. He knows I'm gonna be alone soon and that my career plans before (be a famous writer) were a little unrealistic. But nursing it a stable field and I would truly be doing what I think is my calling. I've always love writing, but it's not something that I can make a career on. My love of healing and the medical profession is something I know I can do. My friends tell me I'll never make it. I'm taking bonehead everything at my college. It's true that even if I pass all my classes and take some in the summer I'll probably have to spend 5 years in college. But for some reason I have a feeling that everything's gonna be okay. If I study hard, work hard, pray hard, dream hard-I have a feeling that anything is possible. I'm going to spend the next few years, hopefully, with my dad. After that I'll be an orphan, alone. But I will have a career in the future where I can be independent, and I can make a difference. I know it's gonna be tough...but I know I can do it. This was so long, but it's been a long time coming. Thanks for reading. The only advice I ask is, do you think it's possible too?