Sadeyes07

I graduated last year with my BSN. I thought I wanted to work in the ICU and I moved from Indiana to Arizona to go through ICU orientation. I loved it but still was scared to death. Then I went to nights and never again could I mentally or physically do nights I am lucky to be alive and not in an accident. I changed hospitals to be on days since the hospital I was at could not put me on days in the ICU. I have been at my new job in the CVICU for 4 months and I am miserable. The people are horrible and talk about everybody behind their backs I feel like I am in highschool again. I only have a few people that I can go to ask questions and the other day at work they wanted me to take a patient on a balloon pump which I am not certified for ( by the way the charge nurse asked me to do this) I cry everyday before I go to work and on my way home. I feel like a failure I started to look for a job outside the hospital since this Hospital cares more about their census then their patients since we sometimes move patients to different rooms in the same unit routinely. I did give my notice today but the thought of even going in there again makes me sick. What is wrong with me????? Please help me