sharonorn

:rollHAAHAHAHAHAH! I love it!

I have been a nurse for 9 years. I have had nothing but positive feedback on all of my performance appraisals. I have the respect of many of my coworkers. I was top in my class in nursing school. Patients and families tell me that I am very caring and compassionate. SO.....why do I feel like a complete failure and that I have no business trying to be a nurse? I have had issues with anxiety since the day I started work. I have spent many a sleepless night completely convinced I made a mistake, only to return to work the next day and find everything as it sould be. The anxiety is so distressing. There are times when I am so scared; I am so afraid that I will make a mistake and loose everything I worked so hard for. My license, my job; if I can't work as a RN I won't make enough money, I'll loose the house...I worry myself into a tizzy. What's worse is, I understand that it is just the anxiety talking! I understand that I am not really in any danger. (It sucks to be informed!:chuckle) I have worked in multiple clinical jobs and quit because of this. I just couldn't take the stress, so I ran. Each time I told my boss that "this just isn't for me", they were shocked because " You were a perfect fit for the unit" or "I can't believe it, you were doing a great job" or "We'd love to have you back...". I do not want to work in a desk job doing chart reviews and QA. Sure I am good at it, being as perfectionistic--to a fault-- as I am . It's boring. I get fat sitting around. Most of all--- I don't want to run anymore! I want to do and succeed at what I went to school for: to take care of people! I have tried many different techniques and am currently in counseling. It just seems to never get better. I would just like to know that I am not alone. Can any of you relate to this? Can any of you share your experiences with me? I would appreciate it! Sharon