LiznTexas

Wow, great post MollyJ. Amazing what we learn about ourselves in retrospect, huh? I can look back now and see unhealthy patterns in my relationships....but back then I couldn't tell the forest from the trees 'cuz I had my face smashed up against the bark. The great thing about being in your 40's (yes I'm there and proud of it) is that you finally have some retrospect and yet have an opportunity to change things. (Actually you can change at any age.) I also find it liberating to not have to be right all the time. Funny enough, at 20 something, I always needed to be right. Now I don't. And someday, I'll wear purple if I feel like it. The most important change however is in your priority setting. I still love to have fun and own things but now am painfully aware that kids grow up too fast (my first two are 21 and 22). I am treasuring the time I have with my younger three (15, 12 and 11). Soon they will be gone too. Helps too, when they're especially annoying (ha ha). "This too soon will pass." Back to the point (and I do have one). My biggest challenge is setting boundaries with people in my life...."they might not like me".....but I always feel better about myself when I do it. And those people will respect you for setting those limits. And your kids are watching too. If they see other people walking on you, they'll follow suit and do it to you too. I know this....that was my wake up call....about 5 years ago. A lot has changed now (see previous postings) and change was hard. My oldest really fought it. But funny enough, she has told me since that although she found it unnerving at first (change is always hard), she now respects me as a person. She says she used to be embarrassed of how her step-father treated me and how I allowed it. There is a famous saying. "a mother bird removes the down and feathers from the nest a bit at a time so soon, it becomes so uncomfortable, that the youngsters will leave the nest and fly". So if you're sitting on sticks, maybe it's time for change.

You go girl.....thankfully you have the means to support your family. And you've learned something very valuable about yourself. Knowing that you can make your own way in the world is very empowering. Pat yourself on the back and give yourself a hug while you're at it. :roll

You're right..not all nurses are enablers....but I'd be willing to bet there is a higher incidence among us. It's all about the nurturer role....and what drives us to become healthcare providers. I don't think anyone sets out to become an enabler....heck, I hadn't even heard of the term way back then. I do know all about enabling now. Hopefully we become smarter as we get older, right?

I've heard it said that nurses tend to be enablers in general. After all, it's that "caretaking personality" that tends to gravitate towards the nursing profession in the first place. Well, that's fine at work but not outside of work. I've seen more nurses (and other healthcare providers including doctors) get involved in dead-end relationships with very needy people that "need to be fixed"..... Only to find that they can't be. I spent 12 years married to a man that was needy, possesive and dependent. I found the "attention" flattering at first. It was nice to be needed and I thought with some TLC that he would grow and change. Wrong. I made the mistake of marrying him...thinking then he would become more independent and less obsessive. He only got worse over the years. Soon enough his problems grew to include alcoholism. He basically sucked the life right out of me and anyone else around him. Getting divorced took a whole lot longer and more work than getting married. Lesson is: It's ok to be needed at work....but check your motives in a relationship with a needy man (or woman). I promise you, they will not change for the better...and you cannot fix them. They can only fix themselves. And as long as we're there to pick up after them, why should they? So, if you are in a relationship that sounds suspiciously like the afore mentioned, run for the hills and don't look back. You'll do both of you a favor. By the way...I am doing wonderful these days. I date only "quality" independent men that have a life of their own. Right now, I am seeing a doctor...that (you guessed right) was married to a needy, dependent woman. Imagine that? We are enjoying our easy, non-eventful friendship. Any experiences out there?? Sound familiar to anyone? Your thoughts are welcomed. Liz