freetobeme

Oh but it is exactly the same. It just manifests itself in different ways. It is the feeling of being out of control, about the insanity in our head that drives it. The unexpressed emotions, the old pain, everything. We are the same, just wearing different outfits.

I am not exactly sure what I want to say, but I was wondering if there is anyone else out there that struggles in this area. I am a nursing student with one year completed. I have struggled for the past 10 years with an eating disorder, anorexia and bulimia. This is not something I want to continue. I hate the comments from people regarding my size (have a BMI of 16), and yes I do want to gain weight/get stronger. I am not actually physically compromised, lab results are fine and such. But I do realize it may just be a matter of time if I don't stop before my K+ drops too low. I do not talk about this with anyone in my program, although they may suspect. I do very well in school this issue has somewhat hindered my study habits, but not to the point of being in danger of not passing. I guess I am just afraid, I thought that I would have gotten things under wraps by this time. I don't want to go to my pinning knowing I am a fraud, about to embark on a career where I will be providing care for others and am not giving that to myself. So again, I don't know what my point really was other than to reach out and see if there was anyone out there that relates or has some advice. I apologize for using the forum as a sounding board, but I feel so alone in this.