larsell303

Thank you to all of you who replied to my post. From those of you who have been there, it sounds like the consensus is that long term changes require support from others. I know that no one here cares about my grades or how many hours I work, but I posted them simply to illustrate the nature of my problem as a psychological dependence, rather than a physical dependence. I could quit today and with no worries about withdrawal, if I had a compelling enough reason to do so. That is, I know my habits are seriously unhealthy, but at this point, I haven't done anything where the damages I have caused surpass the level of embarrassment, so the choices are all mine. That is a good thing, and in part d/t the fact that I have been extremely lucky. However, I am in the position of knowing that I have a problem, and also knowing that right now not changing my habits is far more comfortable than changing them. I see the long term picture, but it's just too easy to tell myself that I will start doing better tomorrow. I know that the addiction literature addresses the issue as a disease, rather than a matter of willpower. I'm not convinced I have a disease. Perhaps I'm just an idiot who makes a lot of poor choices. Either way, willpower still has a role in overcoming psychological dependence. This may sound arbitrary, and obviously I'm not yet completely educated about recovery, but I suspect that the nature of support necessary to overcome psychological dependence is somewhat different from that necessary to overcome physical dependence. As I see it, what I need is accountability. Frankly, I have a hard time seeing myself as a cause. The best decisions I have made in my life have been motivated by what I believe I owe to the people I care about. The bottom line is that I doubt I'll make the necessary changes until I have an honest conversation with someone I care about, and ask them to follow up with me. Maybe it is not the ultimate solution, but probably a necessary step. There are three people I have considered, as people I could trust. One is a good college friend (prior degree, not nursing school), and former roommate - she's seen some of my more embarrassing inebriated moments, so the confession would certainly not be shocking. The second is a classmate, who I was partnered with during one of my clinicals, who has been open in discussing with me and other students, her own attempts to reduce the amount she drinks (Couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't fate/God that placed us together in the same setting, where we both were struggling with the same issue). The third is one of my clinical instructors. She is an outstanding, seasoned critical nurse and one of the most incredible people I have ever met. After all that she's seen, she still has the patience to respond thoughtfully to all of the petty, trivial day-to-day concerns of students, and not be judgmental (not that all student concerns are petty or trivial - I'm just saying that she responds thoughtfully to the ones that are, as well as to the things that are really important). She has been understanding and supportive, in the past, in allowing me to discuss my own vulnerabilities. Let me know if you think any of these people are an appropriate resource. Is it appropriate to ask my friends, colleagues, instructors to check in with me? Would it be academic/professional suicide to discuss unhealthy patterns of alcohol use at school? In the professional setting, there are policies and systems for mandatory communication that I don't entirely understand. If I admit to someone in a position of authority that this is an issue I struggle with, will that require some type of documentation, reporting or some process of mandatory observation?

Hello. I'm wondering if any of you have ever broken the cycle of alcohol abuse before it broke you. I am a 30 year old senior nursing student, about to graduate at the end of the year and I have a serious drinking problem that no one knows about. I have maintained a 4.0 in nursing school, while working 30 hrs a week to pay the bills. I have never drank before or during class or clinicals. Still, quite often, when I don't have anything critically important to do the next morning, I find myself putting away a 6-pack a night (or however much beer happens to be in the house). Each morning after I tell myself I am going to quit, but by the time evening rolls around I am able to convince myself that I will have "just one beer with dinner." Yes, most of the important people in my life have witnessed me doing stupid things while drunk, but that is so common among my circle of family and friends that they have been willing to let it go. I am pretty good at appearing functional and really bad at asking for help. If I don't break this pattern, I know that someday, somewhere, I will screw up in a way that I can not fix. There have been times where I was able to stop drinking entirely for several weeks or months, so it feels like this is something I should be able to deal with on my own. All of the treatment options I am aware of involve admitting you have a problem and forever abstaining from alcohol. That is a lot to commit to. I set up an appointment with a counselor through the hospital's employee assistance program, and later cancelled it because I couldn't deal with the idea of being forever saddled with the label of "alcoholic", and never being able to enjoy a drink with my family or friends. I have kind of family that is so supportive, they would probably stop serving alcohol at family gatherings altogether, if they knew I had a problem. Many of you will see that as a good thing, and I probably would too, if I was viewing the situation as an objective observer. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't feel bad if they chose to forgo a glass of wine with dinner, for my sake. Most of them are able to drink in a healthy manner (one or two glasses of beer or wine with a meal). While I have had occasional slip-ups, I have basically learned to drink in a healthy, responsible way in social settings. I know that I can stop drinking after one or two drinks. It just doesn't happen often when I am home alone with a full 6-pack. I'm wondering if anyone has been able to conquer this problem through non-traditional means. I want help and I want to change, but I haven't been able to bring myself to making the very public commitment that involves. The thought of never having another drink is something I can deal with, but the idea of forever having the label of "alcoholic" as part of my identity is not. Honestly, who wants to be known as the alcoholic nurse? Any ideas/suggestions? There must be someone who is able to identify as this is a problem that is so deeply embedded in our culture. I have encountered more heavy drinkers among the faculty, students, and staff at the academic medical center where I work than I have in any other place in my life. I've never heard anyone acknowledge this, other than jokingly or in stories, and I have not had the guts to talk about it either.