Lilrn

I hate it. Literally writing this late at night dreading it tomorrow at work. I've been a nurse for 2.5 years in a SICU/MICU. And I was a CNA while in school for 3 years before becoming a nurse. Where I was a CNA in a long term care facility the CNA's did all of the cleanups. I could've worked there but it was sort of corrupt... and I wanted to be in the ICU. What I love; medication administration, critical thinking, fast paced movement, assisting in codes, rounds, the teamwork, procedures, consistently learning new things, the autonomy as an ICU nurse, the camaraderie of my unit. But when I am instructed to give 5 bowel meds, at the start of the shift, or golytely, or lactulose 3 times a shift, and I'm cleaning diarrhea dripping off the bed, for hours (yes these things and worse things have all happened) I AM ENRAGED. I hate it. I question everything about my career. I get that it's part of the job but I am not getting used to it. My unit consists of mostly liver failure patients so pooping is one of the main goals. Rather than getting used to it, I'm becoming resentful of this career. It is so out of control some days. I have an immense respect for CNA's and always will after being one. But at this point I feel like a glorified CNA. We also don't have CNA's on our unit. I would be sad to leave the ICU as there are also so many aspects I love. But this one big aspect puts a damper on my day. I know some people don't mind it and it's part of the job. So I guess I'm not sure what to do. One day I had a fentanyl withdrawal patient who was also loaded on bowel meds. I kid you not she pooped for 7 hours consistently. Every time we turned her it was spewing out. Every time I left her room my other patient called for assistance to a commode. And half the time their calls overlapped and my coworker and I had to tag team it. After 7 hours straight of this I couldn't keep it together and just started crying while my withdrawal patient was also screaming and crying out down the halls for me to clean her again. Yes I'm burnt out as well. I have 200 hours of PTO saved up but for the last year my vacation has been denied "due to staffing". I work when I'm sick to save my sick hours for days I need or want off that I won't otherwise get because my vacation is denied. Id be sad to leave this ICU as it has taken me this long to earn my place and respect from peers. I thought about switching to NICU because I did love my rotation there, but I physically am unable to work nights again and when I looked into fellow NICU positions in my area they only offered night shift positions. (I did it for a year and a half). Any advice? I can handle poop every now and then. I'm not saying I can never do it. Once a shift is fine. More than once a shift is fine. But where I'm at it just feels out of control.