jco2

Hello everyone, I am sitting here typing this and crying. I have worked in retail and manufacturing for over 20 years. After the plant that I worked in closed down, I decided to go back to school. I went with nursing because I knew I could "always get a job", and I care about people, and want to help them. Well, I am now in the first class of my second year of Nursing school, and I have to be honest--I can't take it anymore. I have been through a lot in my life, but I have never experienced anxiety like I am experiencing now. I had an anxiety attack for the first time in my life at clinical last week. I felt like I could not breathe and I was going to jump out of my skin. I went into the staff lounge so I could not be seen by the patients or any staff. I could not believe this happened to me--I have always been calm and able to deal with a lot of stress. I have not told anyone about this attack--not even my best friend, because I am ashamed. I also was put on an antidepressant for the first time in my life in my freshman year in Nursing school. I was so depressed I could hardly get out of bed to attend class. I have even had to take 2 classes over again, the 1st one was the class I was taking while I had my first experience with depression, and the 2nd one was during a class that I quit taking my medicine, because I could not afford to go to the doctor, and I thought I could get by without it. I have always been a good student, and have somehow managed to keep a solid B average even after having 2 non-passing grades from Nursing. I opened my mail today, and found out that I have surpassed the amount of time to obtain my degree, therefore I am on "financial aid suspension" (I was on "financial aid probation" when I started college for Nursing, because I had previously went to school years ago right out of highschool, and due to medical reasons, had to withdraw). So, now I am filing an appeal to be taken off of suspension. I keep thinking to myself--(the following are thoughts I have on a daily basis): "Is nursing for me--can I handle the stress of it?" "I have to get through this--I am almost 40 so I need to grit my teeth and bear it so I have a way to support myself in this economy" "I want to care for people--everything will get better as I go along" "Going to school at my age and changing my mind on a major is out of the question--I am a failure" "I am so fortunate to be given this opportunity--I am such a whiner for wanting something other than this" There is a part of me that is wanting to call the school and tell them I will not be back. I have already took assessments for other careers online (medical transcription and coding). Then there is the other part of me that feels so much like a loser