hollyleaf

New grad two weeks into orientation desperate for any advice or encouragement. Please be gentle. I've started orientation in a level one trauma center ER. I'm the newest of my unit's new grads, and I just finished the last day of a six day stretch of 12 hour shifts (following my preceptor's schedule). I like my unit and I have a good preceptor. But I really need advice because I'm making myself absolutely miserable and don't know if anyone else has felt like this. I grew up in a highly critical environment and I have always had trouble with confidence. I was really enjoying orientation and then a couple days ago something just snapped and I feel like I'm going too slow or doomed to be a bad nurse. I knew I'd have questions as a new grad but I didn't know it would feel like this. I didn't extern in school and I see new grad former externs on my floor and feel stupid compared to them. I find myself asking 12549 questions a day to my preceptor out of paranoia of doing something wrong. I'll forget to take vitals on time or will accidentally break my sterile field and I can't stick an IV to save my life. I've never endangered a patient, but I just feel so behind compared to the others I work with and like I'm learning slower than them and that that means I'll be a bad nurse. My program never let me stick an IV or put in a catheter (I can do Foleys well now, but I have not had a successful IV). I stand there like a moron during traumas asking if there's anything I can do to help because everyone knows what they're doing but me. My preceptor says I'm doing fine as does my manager, but I keep convincing myself that they're just saying that because they feel sorry for me. I know that's stupid and I need to get a ***ing grip, but I just need someone to tell me I'm not alone feeling like this. I'm off for the next week but I genuinely want to throw up at the thought of going back next week and messing something up again. Even the smallest mistakes horrify me. Is this normal? Does this feeling go away at least SOME eventually? I'm in love with nursing and I've looked forward to this for so long, but I'm terrified of feeling like this forever. I've read this feeling can last up to 1-2 years into nursing and I feel like I'll genuinely lose my mind if I feel this bad for that long.