PsychRN67

I will go as far as to say it's terrifying. I'm reading this at 5am after waking from such a stressful nightmare related to being in a horrible place not being able to get out. I had a relapse 3 yrs ago and aside from jail this has to be the worst punishment. If I wasn't in nursing for 35 yrs and had another career path I think I would give up my license rather than go through this. When I relapsed I had finished the coursework in my NP Program with 2 semesters of practicum to go. Im just so far in it was my only viable choice. I chose to pursue a master's in psychology degree so I can have something accomplished while in this SARP prison. I truly am not grateful to be a recovering alcoholic bc it has permanently colored my entire life. So I'm very supportive and intimately appreciate the dynamics of addiction and relapse. When I go back and finish my psych NP I know I can naturally interact with my patients and make prudent decisions on their behalf. I don't think SARP tries to be a rehab program despite the name. At the end of the day they monitor-and the biological monitoring for substances is less than perfect. Therefore one is at at the mercy of those urine, blood, and hair tests that can be false positive and every nuance possible. Best to all in this program It's like the Hunger Games.

Another issue for me is the therapist situation. I'm on my 4 th one due to people leaving the practice and whatnot. Problem is no one I have ever seen has knowledge of what SARP is. I spend an over abundance of time explaining why this or that. And over again. I've asked for a referral to someone who works with people in SARP. They won't do it. Given that if you start seeing someone they need to submit quarterly reports for you, potentially write letters, accept your contract as read, and anything else that comes up don't you think a referral is appropriate? It's reasonable? But nope your on your own. So I'm stuck now with someone who's wildly inappropriate but I continue to go put up with nonsense inly to satisfy my requirement. It's crazy really.

Hi there-I have some feedback for you. I'm glad I saw your post here. I've been in SARP since April of 2021 for reference. Recently I went through a nightmare. I tested positive for codeine last 12/29. I've never in my life taken codeine or heroin which is what the MRO said it had to be-or poppy seeds. Long story shorter-it had to have been poppy seeds. My hair test was negative, they let it go, and I was able to return to work. I still don't, & likely never will, know what I ate. I did a full research on levels, cutoffs, and explored my level in context. I wrote it up and sent it to them with references. It was very good bc it really did prove it couldn't be anything other than poppy seeds. They still called it a violation, no action taken. I'll tell you straight away the MRO sucks-at least in my situation. He cold called me at work and spoke to me like I was a criminal, and I believe tried to get me to admit something I didn't do. It was uncalled for at best. If I ever spoke to a patient that way it would beyond a doubt be unprofessional. Through my research I found a synopsis of MRO responsibilities. He didn't interview me, didn't educate me on any nuance of context, what my options were for testing, and what all that would mean. Nothing. Like a junk yard dog really. Mark didn't explain things either and left everything to me to decide what to do which I nearly went mad over. My first hair test was "not enough" bc it was a more complex panel than usual. Not the nurses fault they took what was for the typical hair panel. Mark was vague on if they would accept the panel that can be done with that hair sample, and wouldn't give me a solid yes re-do it, or no it's fine. So I went and redid the hair sample and I have a hole of a space where all that hair was. It's really bad but I kept my long hair and it's just like a thin veil over the back but you can't see it. I was pulled from work and that's protocol but was detrimental to my reputation, credibility, and bank account. The point of all this is to say, in your case if the second f/u screen was negative meaning they consider it alcohol that wasn't ingested, they're not going to do anything to you but it will still be a "violation" as the first test was positive. It's black & white on that. I would strongly recommend to not talk about anything. Address your relapse through the 12-step program of AA. You're welcome to do "90 in 90”-90 meetings in 90 days. Talk to & process with people you trust. And most importantly move on. Relapse in 6/2020 is what got me into SARP so I can relate believe me. I was quite nearly suicidal over it, and don't know that I ever will truly get over the guilt and shame I feel because of it. But I just focus on improving various areas in my life such that I feel better about myself as a person. If there is anything you can do while in SARP, that you wouldn't normally do or be able to do otherwise, you may want to consider acting on that (if you haven't already!). This way when your discharged from the program you will have an accomplishment to ground you. Something other than being able to work without the imperial dynasty of SARP lurking over your shoulder in every corner of your life. I've don't this by working on a masters degree in psychology bc when I relapsed I was about to enter my last year of the psych NP at Northeastern, and I had to leave due to my license being encumbered. Big blow indeed. Im terribly in debt but I just don't care. School has enabled me to focus on something else that no one can take from me. I can't worry or think about SARP and delve into my neuroscience studies at the same time. It's just not possible. Doing something you know that for you will make a difference in your life and the way you feel I believe is worth it. I really hope the best for you!

They actively sought to verify that my job description does not include any regular medication administration. My DON is going to work towards getting me to another position with meds by April if all goes well.

Thanks for your response. No need to explain- Lord knows I know stuff happens! It’s interesting to see how people respond to another nurse with a similar issue to one we treat our patients for. Sometimes it’s hypocritical at best really. I got a lawyer in the beginning but it did nothing I should’ve just bypassed that and joined SARP immediately. Now I have a “ summary suspension” notation on my license look-up forever. At least there is an open & end date on it which indicates there was an issue, and it was resolved. I also find honesty is the best policy and let things fall as they may.

@GINGERNUT I found that at the “no narcotic” stage inhospital positions would not hire me with this restriction. I actually petitioned to have this restriction removed citing the drug testing, benign necessity for this to do the job and fully function, and the fact that narcotics were not an issue for me. I also had three letters of recommendations and SAREC approved of it. The board denied it though. I had luck with a community health center doing triage but I will need a more clinical position in order to be discharged form SARP. I’m so sorry you have to go through this it is indeed demeaning. If you can email me I’m happy to give you more info-I wasn’t able to email you here.

I found a nursing position at a community health center but it does not include medication administration at all, so it doesn’t “count” towards getting out of the program. I’ll need to move into something else very soon. I feel like I am treated like a criminal. No one in the community seeking treatment is treated this way. At least I would not, as a nurse, treat anyone especially another nurse this way. The fact that a license is involved doesn’t mean the person is any different. Of course I understand the rationale for monitoring but the restrictions and potential consequences for things that come up that don’t have anything to do with safety is unnecessary. The stigma against nurses who have suffered with addiction is quite ironically severe, given we as nurses treat the public for the same problems. This road is so devastatingly difficult and demeaning I can hardly believe I’m making it through. Best to you!

I agree as well. I’ve been in nursing for over 30yrs and I used to think the systemic problems like staffing wouldn’t last forever-surely they would “iron out” over time. Nope. Not at all. Here I stand today & it’s the same stressful and dangerous issues as when I started in 1988. I don’t do extra shifts unless I really want to. I’ll come in early only if it’s for a close colleague who needs to leave early & I feel good about being there for her, and I usually get the same in return when I need it. I’ll stay late for a nurse who has trouble getting in for whatever reason if it’s not chronic. Everyone is human. On the way in & during the shift I’m constantly devising & updating how I’m going to inject goodness, quality, and positivity into my environment with all my “people skills” and great organizational abilities. I work 32 hrs so I don’t feel I’m overworking. Self-care doesn’t prevent burn out when internal practices r/t business impede nursing care & the nurses who desperately want to provide the best skilled care possible. Sorry to say, I take care of myself to the best of my ability & it has never helped issues within the hospital setting where I’ve worked my entire adult life.

Hi All, Is anyone here in the MA SARP program? I’m wondering about other’s experience working while in SARP, and colleague relationships given some of the license restrictions such as inability to administer narcotic medications. How has this impacted your work environment? Thanks!