Headache

I have been a nurse for just over a year. I feel like I am getting worse instead of better. My floor has some nice people on it but they all talk about each other behind everyone’s backs, so I don’t feel like I can turn to anybody in particular without it becoming everybody’s business. I had almost 20 preceptors during my orientation! It was awful and confusing for me. When I addressed this I was told I should feel lucky because there are many different ways to do things. I also have to learn to deal with all different members of the team so having multiple people teach me is good and I should be grateful! This also makes me feel like I could not turn to leaders for help. They did not listen to me, I felt they were making excuses and being dismissive. I am afraid to look for another job though because what if this is how it is everywhere? I’ve never worked on another floor or in another hospital so I have no idea if this is how it is everywhere. Is this normal? I think I could be a pretty good nurse but I definitely don’t learn on my feet by myself like some of my colleagues do, this frustrates the more experienced nurses. Sometimes when I ask questions I am told to just use my nursing judgment. I don’t always know what that means in every situation. I think with the right guidance I could be a decent nurse and that is what I really want. Should I continue to stick it out or should I look for a job somewhere else? Is this how nursing is everywhere? I feel so Insecure and depressed!