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Like I mentioned above, I most likely don't even have some of 1/4th or less of the knowledge these nurses do so I definitely don't fit into that category of new grads you are speaking of. People can develop bad habits and still have a wealth of knowledge over me. However, I can tell you with certainty that I am more caring than all the nurses I have precepted thus far. By silent care (which is discouraged in my facility a lot) I mean providing care for a patient who is intubated without talking at all, when coming into the room or throughout the shift. From what I have learned, it is important to communicate with patients and this can help prevent ICU delirium or even PTSD that patients can face and at one point she even said something negative about a patient about how it was her fault she got hurt in a traumatic incident. Also the foley was inserted in the lady partsl area, left there while getting more supplies and then reinserted with the same catheter twice until finally placed. I thought that we were supposed to leave it in the lady parts if we inserted it incorrectly and get a new foley not use the same catheter to prevent infection. Just genuinely explaining what I thought should be done and why I wrote that... I don't even mention these things to my preceptor unless I can suggest something helpful I can do instead. But either way, thanks for your input and I will work on being less harsh...wasn't my intention to come off like a know-it-all or something. Just want to be a good nurse.

I have only spoken about this with select people... and after those couple of times I've shut my mouth about it because people seem to really respect these nurses. Yet...I don't see things being done right or explained to me well. Im starting in the ICU as a new grad and I've only seen a "senior" nurse auscultate lungs once, and that is where the assessment ends. I asked to do my own assessment and I was met with " that pt is anxious... lets not do anything unnecessary". I thought to myself how is it unnecessary? CHG baths done once in a while... or sometimes not at all definitely not Q12h as ordered. Mouth care probably once a day when its supposed to be q2h for vented patients. They always do silent care with vented pts which I refuse to partake in. Critical lab value reported at 7am and nurse never addressed it. A foley she placed in the lady partsl area instead of getting a new one( I even offered to get it) just put it in some betadine and tried two more times until successful attempt. No explanation to family of what medications are or the pt. Said of a patient who tried to kill themselves by chemical means.... "why not just use a gun" . HR running at 150-180 throughout shift with no other known causes and no contacting the doctor till the nurse it was handed off to decided to call at lunch....... A gel capsule that couldve been easily changed to liquid be given through the peg tube? To say the least........ even though Im new and probably don't even have 1/4 of the knowledge or skill that they do... Im talking these nurses have over 16 years of experience. I've found myself pretty disappointed that these people are my resources. I don't want to be that problematic person and say anything to my higher ups because everyone seems to think all these nurses are great. To top it off, I don't have a constant preceptor which is not good within itself... Have I had the wrong idea about nursing? Is this how it really is? I guess this is more a vent of my feelings than to look for a solution, but I really don't want to be this type of nurse and I am concerned about my training , and that I will not know what are the right things to do bc I havent been taught them.

Wow, can't thank you all enough for responding the way you guys did. Thank you for making me feel less alone on this journey and being candid and relatable. It's actually surprising how many people seem to forget where they started, but all of you are the type of nurses I aspire to be when I have the amount of experience you all have, to remember where I started from like all of you have expressed on this post. And no I didn't cry in front of them ? thankfully!! That's a good mantra! I just swallowed the lump in my throat and carried along until I got into my car and let it ALL out.

Ever since I started my critical care rotations at school, I knew I wanted to be an ICU nurse. I loved the detail that the nurses were able to have with their patients (and needed to have, really) and how you really needed to know about pathophysiology and... I just loved it. But even from the beginning of school, I fell in love with nursing and medicine and graduated as valedictorian of my class spending countless hours studying. I am confident in my knowledge base especially as a new nurse......I feel in that aspect I did everything necessary to prepare myself well....but with skills. Well that’s a different story. So, I had interviewed in February and shortly after their was a hiring pause...but it resumed in August the next residency cohort so I began. I was really excited and had refused every other job that came my way in anticipation of this one. I was hired into a trauma/neuro and now covid MICU (separate wings ofcourse). I went through this whole residency program. There were skills day and I did awful. I am so clumsy with that stuff and take so long to learn hands on skills...I also felt I didn’t get much clinical exposure at school. I was quite shy so it was probably my fault and in all honesty we didn’t have many clinical days a week and they had a hands off approach with students. In other words, I feel like I have two left hands and take so long to learn stuff like IV insertion, setting up IV meds, blood transfusion, everything basic. I am so slow and take forever. The difference in my skill level was so evident that the instructors were shocked when I went to simulation lab. Simulation lab was more about figuring out what the patient has or is experiencing , thinking of correct treatment to implement etc. I excelled in that and solved most simulation and patient problems after they gave us report and before the simulation even started. So needless to say there was a huge gap in both things..... And then after the lengthy training... I had a really bad day. The first day with my preceptor was good, and then by the second day they were annoyed by having to tell me the same instructions with some hands on stuff. On top of that they had really intense patients and I felt totally useless. I thought I was sooo ready and yet I even was awkward emptying a urometer......In the morning I even overheard someone who precepted me for ONE DAY prior say that I was “slow”. Im really so worried that I’m not going to make it. I really wanted to be a great nurse and I love it so much it feels like it’s a part of who I am but at this point it feels like everyone new has an edge on me in that sense.......even if they don’t have previous medical or working experience. Does anyone have tips on this or has experienced this before? Just being clumsy and awkward with hands on stuff?