Dr.J

I've been trying to steer her, but while I am here on weekends, my home is actually in Georgia. The rest of the story: I am a doctor. I used to be a regional medical director of Hospice, I was medical director of 3 nursing homes and my practice was mostly an aging population. My business took a hit with all the new rules and regs and I decided to take a locum tenens job up in Ct. to be close to my parents. When I came up 8 months ago, my dad was walking with a walker. He has declined significantly. So the need for assistance has taken on an urgency. I called several places and had made contact with several agencies, which my mom promptly declined. I knew this would happen, but what do I know? Last week hospice turned him down. I wrote all his diagnoses down and told my mom to give it to the doctor who was going to re-evaluate the situation and she accepted him. But, they have no aides! They say there is a shortage. I can't believe this- down south we have a great hospice team: CNA, RN, MSW, Clergy, music therapy, volunteers, respite, and a Dr. We all rallied around the families to give them the best transition we could. You would think the North had more resources, but that is not the case. It is very disillusioning. It really makes me want to scream. It did make me think,though- all the robotics they are designing should focus on PCA's for the disabled and infirmed. Ones who could lift and bath and assist in homes. Wouldn't that be nice?

So the reason we don't have a whole year is because I don't think my mom can handle it on her own. As you said it does require two people. My dad is only 135 pounds. But because he has ascending quadriplegic, he is like dead weight. An HHA would be great as well. I gave my mom your suggestions, as well as the others. She will investigate all avenues. I really do thank you for all your insights. It is very much appreciated.

So, in answer to your questions, my mom placed an ad in the Pennysaver. She called at least a dozen agencies and they said none of their aides would help him out of bed. Since writing the last post, I wrote a list of his diagnoses on a paper and my mom presented them to the Hospice. The doctor accepted him. But, guess what. No CNA's are available! I find this perplexing, since the CNA is tantamount to providing good hospice care. They sent out an RN, but she does no direct patient care. She is kind and attentive to the emotional needs of my mother, but not helpful to my father, who can no longer perform any adl's. My mom is still independent and changes my dad about 4 times a day when I'm not here. She cooks, cleans, and still works. All I am expecting is ADL care, which apparently is rare to fine. We have all the supplies- my mom has every type of diaper available, boxes of gloves, pads, wipes, commode baggies, etc. The room is like a warehouse of disposable supplies. All we want is someone to come and bathe/dress him in the morning and evening. The hours are totally flexible. I thought it would be easy to find, but evidently not. I will follow your suggestions on the different agencies. They might be helpful.

Years ago, it was easy to find qualified private nurses, assistants, personal care personnel. What has happened to the private duty skilled nurses? I have a father who is 93 and slowly dying. He is alert and oriented, but his legs and arms have gotten so weak, he can't get out of bed on his own. My mom is almost 89 and is not strong enough to get him up and out of bed. Hospice won't take him because he is too healthy. The VA won't help because he is not indigent. Medicare won't help because he is not skillable. Medicaid won't help because he is not indigent. I suggested to my mom that she contact the nursing school to see if they had a job board for posts and they gave her a number for a service in Manhattan. My parents live in Massapequa Park, about 15 minutes east of Nassau Community College. They are willing to hire the right person, but there does not seem to be anyone who is willing to help lift my dad into a chair- literally 2 feet away from the bed. I am 64 and go down every weekend to help. I wash his hair, help him brush his teeth and dentures, help feed him, dress him, change him. But during the week, there is nobody to help. So my dad lies in bed, a prisoner to his own weakness. Surely there must be someone out there who is in need of a part-time income. Can anyone help us?