in48hrprison

UPDATE: I PASSED!!!! I am in complete disbelief right now!!! the most grueling 48 hours of my life! I wanna give hope to others, whatever you do don’t drive yourself crazy comparing your test to others!! Have faith and trust yourself that you’ve prepared enough!!! I AN OFFICIALLY A REGISTERED NURSE ???

I spent so long preparing for the day only to now face the most embarrassing and defeating thing I could ever imagine. I scheduled my exam about 2 months after graduation and took maybe a week or 2 off. I would do a minimum of 75 kaplan questions a day with remediation on both the correct and incorrect. Of course, there'd be a day or two I took a break but nothing that I would consider me to be slacking. My averages, in the end, were in the high fifties low sixties. On the nclex prep test they have I got a 67% which was a good sign. I struggle with test-taking anxiety, and anxiety in general so I was freaking out the week leading up to it. I mean hysterically crying, my mind going blank. I felt like I had never even been through nursing school. However, that's how I got before all exams in school too and it'd always turn out fine. I have never failed anything so for my first failure to be such a major goal of mine is something I'm having a hard time dealing with and its only been 24hrs. I know most reading this will probably tell me to relax, everyone feels like they failed. But, that is usually after grueling high-level questions and signs that there is hope they passed. I'm almost 99% sure I failed because my test ended at 87 (give or take a few, I can't remember exactly) and I didn't get any "high level" questions. While I had a few SATA, a photo, ekg, and a lot of priority and delegation I felt like they were all simple stuff. Problem was I wouldn't even get the simple stuff correct. You know when there's a question and in your head you're like ok this should be easy, why can't I get it?! that was me the entire time. I mean the topics were nothing crazy, stuff similar to kaplan and class exams which is why I'm so upset. That means I did sooo horribly that it cut me off so early and didn't think I could redeem myself with 150+ more questions. Soon after taking it my name was already pending on the BON site (it stays that way if someone fails). My best friend took it the same day (add to the embarrassment, we wanted to post a grad pic together to announce that we made it) a few hrs after me and hers has already been accepted and active while mine is still pending. Part of me doesn't even want to pay for quick results but I know I'm going to have to face the music. I'm not sure where to go from here or how to even pick myself up after such a horrible fail but I know I will have to hit reset on all of my plans and refocus my mind somehow to make sure the second time has a better outcome. I am hard on myself but I feel like I not only let myself down but my parents who have been so supportive throughout my journey through nursing school. And to have all my classmates and family know I failed will be a hard pill to swallow.