Burnttoasts

The thing is I have no hobbies or passions anymore. So I feel lost and aimless. I know nursing is NOT my thing. I'm kind of in the same place as you, in school I didn't like it but stuck it out thinking "it'll get better/be okay" when it didn't. I'm going to go back to school but I don't know for what :/ Thank you though for replying and giving me advice. Appreciate it

@not.done.yet Yes...I should see someone, but with all the classes, homework (my work assigns), and my work days. I don't have the time nor energy to go... I'll do something about it, thank you (sorry tried to reply to your post and my phone did this instead)

Hi everyone, as you can tell from me submitting a post here I'm a new nurse. I've been a new grad nurse for ~5-6 months in CVICU in a very large teaching hospital. I've been feeling very burnt out, depressed, and down. I tell myself it's "first year blues" but I don't think it really is. I think it has a lot to do with the fact I never really wanted to be a nurse in the first place. It was mainly my family's dream of me being a nurse than anything else...and I followed their dream because I convinced myself it would be alright even though I didn't have much passion for it. I feel so stupid just following blindly and not thinking about what I wanted in life. I should have known better considering how I had my fair share of hesitations and misery in nursing school. Now that I'm working I get so depressed and I'm physically in pain half the time I work. I feel like crap all the time. And no, just in case this alarms you I don't let my feelings affect how I work. I really care for my patients and their family and I've been told by my director and manager how well I'm doing and that they're happy they hired me. Everytime I go to work I think to myself how great it would be if I could quit or if I got food poisoning/got into an accident to prevent me from going to work. I feel bad to my employer too considering they took their time and money to train me. In the beginning I thought I would be fine and I kinda was, but as the days go by and I work I become very depressed. All I do now is sleep to avoid reality. I want to quit (knowing it'll be better for my mental/physical health) but I have my hesitations considering it's hard to find a job without at least a years worth of experience and the fact my employer invested in me and I feel the need out of respect to stay for at least a year. But I don't know if I can last a year...I'm mentally strained and physically exhausted. I've developed back, hip, and knee pain as I started working (lack of resources on my unit) and I don't know how much my body will last either. Is is there anyone who can provide me advice? I feel stuck and I have no one to talk to about this...