2010rn42

Hi OR Nurses, I am an RN with 8 years experience mostly on a post surgical/trauma unit. I also have experience as a float nurse throughout the Hospital that I worked, including all in patient units, ICU, and ED. I took a break from nursing and I plan to return at some point but probably not until my kids are of to college. (4 yrs or so) I have always wanted to work in the OR or PACU. Because I have had a lapse in my nursing career, I am afraid I will have trouble getting an OR position. I was considering if it made sense to complete a surgical tech training and then work as a surgical tech for a few years to gain experience in the OR setting. It seems this would be a smoother transition. My concern is....does this not make sense because I would be working below my RN license? I know this may sound strange, but I am not ready to jump right back into nursing and I do not want to return to the inpatient units as an RN...ever. I would love to hear any thoughts or advice you may have. Thank you!

Hello. Happy to see a Massachusetts RN here! I have been in a year now and slowly adjusting to the requirements of the program. There are a lot and seem to be constantly changing, which is a challenge. I had high hopes that SARP would offer a lot of support in recovery and in connecting with other RNs in the program. I was wrong, they are strictly monitoring you. The peer meetings are not that helpful to me. I get my support from my sponsor and a few woman I have connected with in the required 12-step meetings...and this forum is a great place to come and know you are not alone in this! I have followed the requirements and am starting to accept this "New normal " and doing my best to stay positive. I want to return to work as a RN without a "mark" on my license...and following these requirements is my only option. I would be happy to answer any specific questions you have! Can you private message on here?

Hello, I haven't posted in a while, just lurking! I will be interviewing for my first RN job (since beginning monitoring) very soon. I would love to hear other's experiences with this. I lost my privileges to practice for one yr last January and now able to start applying. My anxiety about the whole process is how and when to disclose that I am in monitoring for substance abuse. Also, if am asked more detail about my reason for being in the program, how do i best approach that question? I am so stressed about this and feeling very negative....I even have fleeting thoughts about not even going back to nursing! I absolutely love this career and can really imagine doing anything else. Thank you in advance for taking the time to respond!

Thank you. I worked on a busy surgical trauma unit for most of my career. I thought changing jobs would solve the problems I was having. I became a cross campus float for 9 different units including ICU, SICU, ED, and even psych! I absolutely loved it...the chaos and having to adapt quickly. Unfortunately, after some time, my active addiction resurfaced...particularly in my position, I was like a kid in a candy store in terms of access to narcotics. This time it progressed quickly and I was confronted and given the opportunity to resign to avoid termination. I self reported to the BORN a year ago and signed my contract in monitoring in May. In my state, the standard is one year of inactive licence and then another 3 months with narc restriction. It took until last month for my last employer to lodge a formal complaint. The complaint is dismissed because I entered monitoring. When 5 yrs is up, I will have no restrictions. Until then I will be active but it will say "non-disciplinary restrictions" on my licence online. I did not have to go to inpatient rehab or IOP because I found an addiction specialist MD as a PCP and was able to wean of benzos under his intensive supervision. My opioid use was sporadic...so I did not experience intense w/d, I managed that on my own and started going to NA and the peer group meetings months before my intake assessment into monitoring. For me, the hardest part came after I had clean time. I was thinking more clearly so looking back at what I did sent me into deep depression...shame, guilt....ect...i am slowly climbing out of that ditch. This site has really been helping...its giving me the identification that I am struggling to find in my meetings as I haven't really connected with other nurses in my program. Thank you for your support!!

Reading all of the posts in this particular thread has been so incredibly helpful. Thank you all for sharing and being so candid...I have been struggling for the last 9 months to find others to identify with. Last few weeks I have been thinking I should just accept that my nursing career is over. You all have proved to me that is not the case. I am an excellent nurse, I advocate and go above and beyond for my patients....I realize now that this was to a fault because I lost my sense of self somewhere about 5 yrs in and began to self medicate because I could not cope with sleep deprivation on nights, post partum depression, and my mom receiving a life threatening dx....i had nothing left to take care of me. That's what I have learned so far. And if anything is positive about this program for me... it's that I cannot practice as a nurse for a year (this ends in may 2018)...forcing me to focus on me. I miss it so much though and I am not looking forward to the rejection as I job search/interview. I have a this list of characteristics of "a nurse addict" I read somewhere. Maybe some of you have seen it. We are excellent nurses, most of graduated top of our class, the best PT advocates, we are empathetic and intuitive. That's just what I can remember. If I find it...i will post...reading it always gave me a little confidence boost when things were really bad earlier this year.

Are you required to get a sponsor? It is part of our contract. We have to fill out their first name as part of our quarterly self assessment paperwork. Where it is ANONYMOUS...it seems sort of silly...

You made me laugh out load in a very quiet bank teller line! Please don't die drunk in a dumpster! I enjoy your posts too much! Seriously, it's very helpful...i was wondering if I was a hopeless case cuz I have many of the same thoughts. Being forced to do 12-step makes it seem so counter productive...at least for me. I know it works for so many...i will keep going of course and I did find a sponsor and at least one meeting that I really like. I will definately try to cluster the others. My monitoring program requires 1 peer group meeting and 4 other on top of that, 3 of which must be 12step. One of the 4 can be online or a program like SMART Rec. One also must be a womens meeting. Then the 2 therapist sessions (for the first 2/5 years) It makes my head spin! SMART recovery looks interesting and there is a meeting near me. Any experience with it? Thanks again!

Thank you for your thoughtful response. Your words are not silly at all. Was changing your perspective and "being your own best friend" something you just decided to do and then it happened or was it more of a process? I have been suggested this before and have been trying to be good to myself but I kinda feel lije,I don't even know how or what that means. I know as addicts we look for the "quick fix" or "instant gratification"...and my sense is that it will be more if a gradual change...i always hear "fake it till you make it" in meetings. I guess thats where I am at...Im going through the motions (meetings, therapy...etc) and hoping something will eventually click and I will feel better. Or, is there more I should be doing? Anyway, I guess that's why I am here on this site...looking for more. I feel the need to connect with other nurses that are going through this too...i haven't gotten that in the 12 step meetings or even my peer group meetings. Are your actively involved in AA or NA? Do you find your peer meetings helpful? Feel free to PM me if you prefer. Thanks again!

Thank you! For the SARP in MA , we are required to attend 4 AA or NA meetings a week plus a peer group meeting and 1:1 therapy 2x a month. It's a 5 yr program. I am struggling to fit everything in and I am not sure how I feel about 12 step meetings...some I really enjoy and find helpful and others a waste of time. It seems like what I have been focusing on is just trying to fit everything in and work (non nursing) and family (2 kids)...i feel like I'm not really working on myself, I'm just overwhelmed with meeting the requirements and not benefiting... I am not to thrilled with my peer group meetings, I guess I expected them to be more helpful. I am glad I found this forum as I have been feeling very discouraged!!

Hello. I am hoping to connect with others that are in Mass. I signed my contract this spring (2017) with SARP...any other MA nurses here?

Thank you so much. I am hesitant to share the details of my situation as I am not sure how public this forum is. I am able to PM and I did send you a message. I haven't been able to connect with many other nurses in my situation and just hearing others stories is helpful to know I'm not alone. I am also in my 40's but nursing is a second career for me, I've been practising 8 yrs or so.

Hello, I am new to this forum. I am seeking support from other nurses in recovery. I am feeling really down lately, hopeless..trying to cope with first year in my state's alternative to discipline program. The shame, guilt, and isolation that comes with addiction is weighing me down more than ever lately...I am 9 months clean this month. I attend both NA and AA and have recently found a sponsor. I should feel proud of myself but I just keep beating myself up. I am struggling with asking for help in person at meetings and over the phone; intense social anxiety!* Please help ...i feel so alone and overwhelmed. Any response is greatly appreciated,* private or in this thread....THANK YOU💞liza