pocu123

You guys are the best...... I need to hurry and get to the library to print this off so I'll have the information for reference. Don't want to lose or forget any of it. StevieLynn you are so on the money. I thought that maybe I sounded petty to everyone because it's hard to convey the true reality of a situation in "typing." I remember a few weeks after I got here. The little boy wanted an apple. Like always he asked permission before he went to get it. His dad screamed at him "Can't you see I'm playing a game?!" I was so disgusted I just went to my room. At that time, the little boy didn't even like me. (You know, new person, strange person. Kind of a threat to what he knows as normal.) He came to MY room and asked me if he could have an apple. This is a kid who usually didn't even talk to me. I went downstairs and I asked the dad if he could have an apple. And of course, at that moment, his voice changed instantly and he started the "gentle, sweet-talk" like he knew he was wrong and just got caught with his hand in the cookie-jar. He even came over to the fridge to get it for the little boy. Of course followed by the cute little praising pet names he calls his son when he's in a good mood. I am baby-sitting the two children today. As I said before they are 3 and 5. Overall they are good kids but they are going through their phases. However, they play so rough together. Their older brother (from a first marriage) will be here in the summer. He is 10. All three of them together are like watching WWF. I am so scared that they are going to treat my baby like a baby doll when the dad is playing his games and she's going to end up being tumped-over on the floor or they're going to try to pick her up without an adult right there. Man this situation is so jacked up. Have you ever been faced with so many options that you felt like you had no option? I am so overwhelmed I'm just not sure what to do. I will call some of the colleges as advised by some of you and see what they have to offer. That's about the only step I'm not completely confused about. Finding options is one thing, making decisions is a whole other ball-park. What really sucks is that half the time this guy is a really a great person to be around. I've never been in an abusive relationship so I don't know all of the aspects and the typical patterns enough to know if this is what happens. But the thing is, I hate to feel this way about him. He was my supervisor at one time and he took care of me like a supervisor should. I can remember one time when there was some inappropriate behavior in the workplace (some really offensive television shows being played in a military environment) and I was the only female. I took the problem to him and to my other supervisor and they stepped in and nipped it in the butt. I cannot for the life of me figure out how a person can be so completely "one-way" when they are with others and completely different with their own family. I think about the person I know outside of here or when he is in a decent mood and I feel guilty for even saying these things. Like I'm stabbing him in the back. On the other hand, is that all part of what insecure people with manipulating tendencies do? To fool other people and make them feel like they are wrong and he is the innocent one? His wife has confided in me and told me that before. It's like he can't stand for anyone outside the home, and now ME inside the home, to think that he is bad. I said all of that to come up with this interpretation - It's like he wants everyone to think that he is the innocent victim and his wife is the evil one and cause for all of their problems. He always did. Before I got to know her I believed him completely. THAT's what I was trying to say. Couldn't think of how to say it before. But I see it in a completely different light now that I am here. Can't remember who asked but my due-date is Feb 6th. It sounds like I'm making this into a Dear Abby forum. I didn't mean to twist your lovely nurse forums like this. :uhoh21: I suppose this is just a welcome vent. Thanks again for your time.

Thanks for your concern everyone..... PBAJS, I'm already receive help from WIC. (That's my breakfast every morning. It's a good thing I like Cheerios.) Soleilpie, that is a good idea. I do go to a sort of "vocational" medical institute. I asked them if they had thought about providing child-care since they would probably attract a number of students with just that one accomodation. They said they had talked about it once but it was just too expensive. I think if they provided it along with some kind of early childhood development program/degree, they would find it a financial asset, not a liability. (I don't know why they wouldn't, they offer every other program on Earth at this school). CRNASOMEDAY, I did not know a campus would provide family housing and that financial aid would pay for it. That is a good deal. I know that continuing even further in my education and getting a some sort of nursing license (even though PA is in my hidden dreams), would be SUCH a financial benefit. It's hard work I know! (Use to be a nurse's aide about five years ago) But it would be worth it in the long run - paying for my daughter's college when she's 18, she wouldn't have to join the Army like I did unless she WANTS to, not because she HAS to. Grant money? What grant money? If you know something I don't know, please tell me. I went to some of the department supervisors and asked them about this sort of thing. I had heard of some states paying scholarships (or something like that) for one-parent homes, etc. (Especially in nursing) They had no idea what I was talking about. So if you know where I can go to find something like this, please tell me. I had received some information about the free child-care. But that still poses some questions. Do I use it for my school time? Do I use it for work time when I get a job? If I double-up on classes, it will cover only half the classes which is better than nothing but I will still have to leave her in both situations - somewhere. My initial question was, am I abusing my baby if I leave her SO YOUNG - brand new? I know breast-feeding is very important and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle that one yet. But that led to my second concern, if it isn't actually abusive to leave her, is this environment (where I live) for three or four months going to have some kind of affect on her - i.e. nervousness, will the lack of peace hurt her sleep patterns, will she develop some kind of (for lack of a better word) "jumpiness" from all of the yelling? gr8rnpjt, staying home really isn't an option. That means that I would be here even longer and the whole point was trying to get my baby out of this mess. Besides, I won't be welcome here forever. If I'm not going to school, they will expect me to work (like most people would), which leaves me in the same predicament and even farther from bettering our lives. They were just a helping hand at the time I needed it. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that they opened their home to me. Not even those whom I thought were my best-friends did that. No they're not "scary-abusive" and YES they do NOT know how to talk to each other or their kids. I use to work with the husband and we were friends. He seemed completely normal at work and deep down he has a good heart - he means well. But his insecurities have warped his sense of a house and home that is whole. I'm not trying to put their business out there but since you don't know my identity I feel like I'm maintaining their privacy. Anyway, he is very insecure and therefore he keeps tabs on her all day. If he feels threatened at all (which can be and sometimes is every day) he blows up at her. In order to keep the peace she is very passive with him but she is so drained from never having a break and trying to "fix" him all the time (his insecurities and keeping him happy), she takes her frustration out on her kids. (Not physically, but there's hardly ever any peace from the yelling). In addition, he is very particular about the way things "should be". I've seen him get pissed off at her for peanut butter remaining on the forks after washing, or the children (who are 3 and 5) messing with his videogames, leaving a toy on the floor, or spilling their drink, and then the yelling starts. But then of course, when he sees me comforting them, he joins me and starts the "baby, sweetheart, kissy" talk with them as if he had never blown up. It's like he knows there is dysfuntion there but he tries hard to hide it and show me a different face. But yet it goes on all of the time. There's really no hiding it. My whole concern is, will he be frustrated with my baby and start screaming because she is interrupting his "video-games"? It's so wierd. Completely normal one minute and then complete screaming match the next - every day. I have my name on the housing list by the way. The waiting list here is over 2 years long. They were serving July of 2003 applicants last month. Anyway, thanks again guys.

I was both Air Force and Army. I don't dare try to re-enter the Army. If I don't have anyone to watch her during day and/or night, I definitely don't have anyone to watch her for a year long deployment. I only WISH I could re-enter the Air Force. I had a wonderful non-deployable job at Barksdale. The best job I ever had. Unfortunately I lost my job in the downsizing a little over a year ago and they are STILL downisizing. They are not accepting prior-service at this time and won't be for quite a while.

Your signature includes "In the heart of the Heartland". Where are you from?

Ms. RN/writer, would you believe that I JUST read about that in Matthew 2 two days ago? What a coincidence....... Thanks.

You know, I sent a PM but I think I'll put it out there for the whole world to see. Before I left for the military about five years ago, I worked as a nurse's aide. My charge nurse gave us all a big can of de-icer for Christmas. I don't know how handy that would be in Alabama Ms. Lori but in Illinois, that was the most practical and appreciated gift we received that year! It's not a pretty gift like those other wonderful ideas mentioned by the others, but personally, the de-icer was gone a lot faster than cookie dough would have been. No offense Ms. Cyberkat. I LOVE to bake too. But the de-icer was a life saver after getting off shift at 7AM. :)

Can't go home. As I said in my posting, I didn't have much of a choice when I left the military. As far as people who have my best interest at heart, no one else has invited me into their home. And, I don't know anyone else in this city as far as potential baby-sitters. In all fairness, these people are not physically abusive - to each other or their children. They're not monsters (although it sounds like they're approaching it quickly sometimes) But if you can remember a time when you were in the presence of people who were fighting (or maybe even fighting all of the time), I'm sure that you can relate to my discomfort. Well, it started out as discomfort, now it has progressed to "Dear God if I'm ever in a relationship like this just shoot me!" I'm sure I'm not the only one in this world that realizes how unhealthy and disturbing an environment with constant expectation that someone's going to go off can be (every day) Even as a newborn who doesn't know what's going on, I don't want her around that. In addition, even if I could leave, with the financial situation I am in, I would just be going from house to house to house. That is no way for a baby to live either. If I can just get through this program and get a job, I will be able to give my daughter a place of her own. Quitting school is an option. After she is born I can go right back to job searching, but there's so much of a gamble. I can't give her a decent life on minimum wage, or even somewhat above minimum wage actually. And even then, I'll owe the government for the schooling they've already paid for. Just one more bill I have to miraculously pay every month. I'm just sort of stuck. You know, I hate whining. That's what it sounds like I'm doing. I apologize everyone. I just need to pull myself up by my bootstraps and do what I need to do no matter what it takes. That girl's comments upset me tonight, but she's never walked in my shoes. Thanks for the time you took to read my posting everyone. It's appreciated.

Hello all. I tried to find the best forum possible but I just wasn't sure. Currently I'm a medical administration student. I'm not a nurse but I am seriously contemplating it for a time in the future. I discovered this website about a week ago and it seems that some of you (single-parents) would be able to relate to my situation. I need some "mature", reasonable, down-to-earth advice from some folks who have "been there - done that". I'm in a bit of a bind. I left the Army in August due to pregnancy. Job outlook was pretty good for a computer gal with office experience. However the competition turned out to be pretty steep here in the Colorado Springs area. Didn't land a job before I started to show (from the pregnancy). After that, no one would hire me. As illegal as it is, that is the only logical explanation I can think of as to why I couldn't even land a minimum wage job with my experience. As time went on, I hesitantly accepted the fact that I'm probably not going to get a job till the baby was born. When I left the military, I didn't have any money or a place to stay so some friends invited me to stay with them till I got on my feet. I didn't feel I had much of a choice so I accepted the offer. I started school in hopes to give my daughter a better life than what I could have without this degree. After being here just a short while, I realized how chaotic this home is. These people yell at each other all of the time. They scream at their children all of the time for the slightest things. There is so much dysfunction here that it's causing me great stress wondering how I'm going to have to keep my little baby in this home. There is a problem with one of my roomates in that she seems to want to control my situation with the baby. Can't say much in contrast because the next alternative is the homeless shelter. I'm more miserable as the days go by. The dilemma is, if all things go well with the delivery, I can just continue on with school and I even received permission from my department supervisor to double-up on classes to finish this program in about three or four months. (This program typically is over a year long) If I can finish in three or four months, I can get a decent job and I can get my daughter OUT OF HERE and into a stable environment. I have enough GI Bill (college money) to pay my bills for the next few months without working so that is an added plus for going that route. In closing, I was in class tonight asking my classmate how her delivery with her children went and if continuing on with class even just a few days after giving birth was possible. My other classmate piped up and began to tell me how she thought the first few months of a baby's life was the most important and how she doesn't think a baby should be without the mother. Basically she was incenuating I would be abusing or neglecting my child. I was so angry that she would even give her opinion when she doesn't even know what situation I'm in or know that I'm doing this FOR my daughter - trying to get through this program as quickly as possible before she is even old enough to realize I'm gone and to get her out of here. I say all of that to say this, I don't want to leave my baby. It breaks my heart that I can't make a better situation for her RIGHT NOW. I don't want to leave her with these people while I'm gone. (I don't really know anyone else here to ask them to babysit) But if I can just get this program out of the way quickly, I can get her out of this dysfunctional environment with all of the screaming, accusing, and controlling that goes on. My question to you single-parents out there who may know what this is like, am I doing the right thing? Or will I be neglecting her? I don't want to do the wrong thing. I have the chance to make a better life for us by doing this and doing it quickly. I don't know what the answer is. Thanks.

Thanks so much everyone. I truly appreciate this advice. This kind of situation can get very frustrating and depressing. I think I will print out all the postings and hang them on the wall! However, Pricklypear, I am in school right now for medical administration assistance as I said before. I spoke with some of the program supervisors about my situation - thinking and hoping that there WAS some kind of grant for single moms, but none of them had a clue. So what am I to do? Is a grant like that a college thing? Or mostly a state thing? And can I get a student loan JUST for living expenses? It seems that everyone I ask who SHOULD know doesn't know. I appreciate your advice too Papawjohn. (As well as everyone else.) I will try to call other schools. I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "county VoTech people." Can you elaborate? BTW, I have a Papawjohn. He just turned 85 last Friday. :) Thanks again everyone! Amy

Hello Everyone. Now that I've registered and finally figured out how to post a thread,..... I tried to find the best forum to ask this question. I think that "new nurses" would know what's out there. I am currently a medical administration student and really it is my heart's desire to stay within this life pathway. However, I don't know that it can sustain me and my family financially. I was thinking of going ahead with a nursing program. But I have a huge problem. I'm going to be a new mom in February without any help - physically or financially. Daycare can remedy part of my dilemma, but I can't afford, nor do I want to have someone else raise my baby while I work AND go to school. I was talking with my former charge nurse (use to be a CNA) last night back home in Illinois. She made the comment that the nursing-home I use to work for will actually pay their employees a paycheck the whole time they are in nursing school with, of course, a contract stating the student will work for them for a certain period of time after graduating and getting a license. This kind of opportunity would be the answer to my prayers if she is correct AND other facilities offer this kind deal. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE can someone tell me if this is common and/or how can I find other facilities that will accomodate this? (Can't move back home for personal reasons so the nursing-home is out of the question.) I have heard of facilities paying the tuition, but that's not what I need right now. A student loan can get me through school just the same. If I can get a paycheck that would feed my daughter and keep a roof over her head and shoes on her feet while I go to school, that would save our lives AND would make a better future for her. Someone else, like daycare or WHOMEVER I can find to watch her, wouldn't be raising her 16 or 18 hours out of 24. Any sharing of similar experiences would be GREATLY appreciated. Amy