shaylee1

Hello, everyone, I'm a newbie to this forum. I'm a student who takes pre requisites to enroll in a nursing program at a local community college. I have been in the US for 4 years, just graduated from the high school, and aim to be an RN. And please listen to my long term concern. Even though I spent 4 years in high school, I still don't feel like I'm fluent in English. I have no difficulty with reading and writing, but the thing is communication. I got a bit bullied by racists in the first school for few months that made me become shy, passive, and not a confident girl. I could barely make few friends in past years. Still and all, I had to move a lot, so there was no chance to keep the friendship that would possibly help me improve my verbal English skill. For me, I blinked and then 4 years passed by.And I'm still mumbling when I face strangers. Can't even ask for repetition what he/she said when I didn't understand because I'm afraid of people's bothered face (I know this sounds stupid). Then I hate myself, ugh. This thought eventually ended up with "I might kill the patients". Yeah, I know that communication in the hospital is really important. Being a nurse requires tremendous responsibilities of people's lives. If I get in trouble by communication, I'm definitely not going to carry on in this field (actually every field). I don't want to go back to the ESL class. I already did it years ago and did a pretty good job. So repetition will be a huge waste of time. (The funny thing is I can confidently speak with immigrants/ESL students just like me. I just feel so small and all my knowledge is gone away in front of native speakers...) As I mentioned, there's nothing wrong with my writing and reading skills. What can I do? 1. Mental therapy? (Is this that big deal which needs the serious treatment as a mental disease?) 2. Student service at school? (Not even sure they deal with this kind of problem.) 3. Return to my country? (Um, no, my parents can't afford it.) 4. KMS? (Kidding... but seems the most reasonable way, haha...) I'm so depressed by this concern. I need to survive anyway. I will keep up myself to get straight As to get into the nursing program, though anatomy is hard as hell... But if I can't fix this problem then everything else is going to be useless... Thank you for reading this long content.