Kenanipel12

I am a nursing assistant and know from experience that I love working OB but dislike nursing homes, psych units, and med\ surg. I've taught myself to be social but it wares me out because I am an introvert. While I am very patient, polite, and respectful, I also like to work alone, get lost in my thoughts often, and prefer to be silent. I have been told for years I should be a nurse but I never took the suggestions seriously until I began to work with newborns. I absolutely adore them. Right now I work as-needed in a small hospitals OB ward and am working full time in home health. I love taking care of people, I love being needed. I enjoy placing a smile on someone's face. Yet I also hate to feel like someone depends on me; I want to help people to be better, inspire them to do more for themselves, not feel like a babysitter (while many patients don't cause me to feel this way, I am sure many of you can imagine the ones that do). What bothers me most is that I lack nurse humor. I don't understand it and on many occasions find it rude and disrespectful. I like to be in control of myself at all times. In my experience, the nurses I have worked with who mirror my personality traits are difficult to get along with and work with. Here's the real kick in the teeth. I have been accepted into a nursing program. It starts this fall. I adore learning and have taken many courses in the past simply for the experience and new knowledge. I understand nursing school is difficult and extremely time-consuming. I honestly don't believe I'll have trouble with the material. My problem... is nursing is not my passion. I adore writing. I want to be published. A lot of my experiences working with various people as an Aid has inspired a lot of my ideas for my novel and thoughts. Being an Aid has opened my heart and mind in many ways and has shown me several different lives, histories, and mind sets. I love that inspiration I have gained from my jobs... but instead of thinking of how I can use that to further my career in nursing, I am using it as inspiration for my writing. I want to be published one day: sooner rather than later. Not science journals, but fiction novels. I can say I'll spend all my free time writing while I get through school but I know there won't really be time as I'll be working a full time job as well. I know nursing is a solid career and will always have spots to fill, I know I would make an amazing nurse if I just lightened up. I can't help but feel like I'm settling though. Writing is where my heart is, and if I pursue nursing, my writing will once again be placed on a back burner. I'm afraid that if I force myself through such a vigorous program, without any true desire to complete it, that I won't make it to the other side. At this point, I've considered that I'm simply getting cold feet. Nursing is a very important and heavy-hearted profession. At the same time, I can't help but feel sick inside and like I'm betraying myself. Then a thought popped into my head this morning: drop from the nursing program and throw myself into my writing while paying the bills with my current Aid jobs. Keep my inspiration as it is and focus on developing my passion. I was hoping for a voice of reason from someone who has met many nurses through time and has seen who does well versus who crashes and burns.