beeg12

I'll try to keep this short and simple-- I received my RN license last year (October 2015), but had been already working as an LVN at a SNF for about 4 months already (which was my first nursing job). The entire time I was vying for a hospital job because i thought and was convinced that's the place for new nurse to be-- to get that acute setting experience and develop my critical care thinking etc. Anyways, I was lucky enough to get an offer for a position on a busy Progressive Tele floor. During the interview, when asked what shift I would prefer I said day shift because I was already used to working that shift, and I felt that I would learn more. Surprisingly, I got the day shift and have been on my orientation for about 2 and a half months now, i'm like 2 weeks out before being on my own and i am terrified. I find that all the nurses on day shift are the "veteran", seasoned nurses, which should be a great thing because they're all knowledgable and experienced, but I find that they tease us (new orientees) for being "slow" and that we need to "pick up the pace". We are constantly reminded (in front of everyone) by our preceptors that "If you wanna work here bla bla bla" or "You guys aren't out of the woods yet", like we're constantly reminded that if we do poorly then we aren't retained by the unit. I find myself extremely anxious and stressed out all the time that it seeps into my home life. My preceptor pretty much leaves me to own devices at work and I feel that I irritate her with all my questions. I don't feel like i'm ready to be on my own and that there's still so much idk how to do. I try my best to prepare and study at home things i'm not familiar with so i'm not too lost on the floor. And though I leave pretty much on time from work, all my preceptor can say is that I need to hurry up with my med pass and time manage more. I am feeling so discouraged now that what I wanted so bad has turned out to be so freaking terrible. I hate driving to work, and leave feeling depressed. I contemplate every second on the floor why am I staying in this hellhole. Has anyone else felt like this during their orientation? Or as a new nurse just off orientation? I need some perspective please I feel embarrassed talking to the orientees about how incompetent I feel (and probably am) and that i feel like quitting all the time.