Mustkeepjob32

I wanted to thank you guys for the responses. Most were nice and few were disingenuous. I since lost that job and now have another job in a new city. The reason why everyone was so understanding was because I lost my mother and father in a period of three weeks.

Hello all, As you can see from my username, I've been dealing with issues for a long longer than just recently. About March 1 and later, I was dealing with family stuff and missed work and while my manager of my unit in the hospital has been understanding, I can't keep missing. Every day I'm scheduled I have full intention of going and then something happens. I don't know if it's anxiety, habit, or what but I call and take my self off the schedule for that night. I live in an apartment that my agency pays for which makes it even worse. I've been here for 1.5+ months without going to work and they've been letting me live here. The agency is asking me almost every day if I've gone to work because I imagine they're getting really worried. I don't want to lose this job but I don't know what I can do. My partner with whom I have a rocky relationship says I'm thief due to living here without working. He also tells I'm just simply lazy. Could it be??? He always calls my family when I don't go to work upsetting my elderly parents. I can see a psychiatrist but not until May. I've been stable on meds for years I just don't know what's going on. It's like I missed so much that now being able to go back and face it is almost this insurmountable task. I think that once I do it I'll be better. I just feel lost. I don't want to lose this job, have to leave this house and move back to California and lose a big chunk of my possessions AGAIN... How do I change it so that I can stop this pattern and GO to work? Please help!