This is my first time posting. I am a senior nursing student and I am supposed to graduate in May. Our class has had SO MANY problems over the last 2 years that we are all burnt out and ready to be put into the psych ward. We've seen about 7 staff changes (some fired, some quit, some took someone else's position and the other was demoted), cheating by a group of students (they purchased test banks and nothing ever happened to them), bullying... you name it, we've probably seen it. Last week in clinical (on a progressive coronary unit), a mistake was made between myself, my instructor, and the primary nurse. I was assigned 5 patients and was in the process of passing meds. My instructor was over my shoulder every step of the way telling me what to click, and quizzing me on meds. In one of the rooms, I had given PO meds and was pushing lasix over 4 minutes. The instructor went over to the computer and said, "I'm going to okay this," because she wanted to see an updated order, and she had already done it before I had a chance to say anything. I finished pushing, and went to the computer, hit save on all the screens that were up, and logged out. At some point, the nurse came and asked my instructor if she wanted her to do the meds on 2 rooms (& said the numbers), and my instructor said yes. It was after 11:00 and we were still giving 9:00 meds because she INSISTED that we give them all, even though they were way late because she was trying to get us all to "get used to having a lot of patients". So that was unsafe in itself. I assumed the nurse meant give 11:00 meds since those were due and since we had just been in that room. Long story short, (there's so much more detail), the medications weren't saved and the primary nurse gave the meds again. 3 BP meds, synthroid, and lasix. The patient's BP dropped to the 70's, his EF was 25%, and he was sent to ICU. In the process, my instructor yelled at me in front of the doctor, the nurses, the other students, and the hysterical family and said it was all my fault and that I didn't save it. She didn't even ask me what happened and denied being on my computer. First of all, I know I hit save on every page. There's only a "save" and a "save and exit" button on the page... and if you don't hit that and try to X out, a box pops up. Second, she was also on my computer during admin. Third (I found this out later), 2 other nurses on the unit had problems that day with their MAR being wiped and no meds were saved. And the primary nurse didn't check his BP prior to administration of all those meds. Point is: It very well could have been a glitch, and she (my instructor) could have just as easily messed up my meds being saved. Now I am in remediation, humiliated, and not even sure what to do with myself. I was so sure I wanted to be in the ER or CCU, but at this point I have halted all applications. Yes, the patient is fine... and I cried for about 2 days over the fact that he could have died. My dilemma now is that I feel like crap because, even though I'm taking the fall and total responsibility, I don't feel it was completely all my fault. And I'm questioning if I can do this. Any advice would be appreciated. I honestly just feel so defeated and unsure of myself.