Nichole__

Thank you very much for your insightful response :) What you've said makes complete sense; I'm not sure why I also myself to get so discombobulated over everything, especially since I'm brand new to this world (and will continue to be new for quite a while!). The experience and familiarity will come with time. Truly, thank you.. Sometimes I think it just takes me sitting down and reading what advice someone else could give me. I realize that I need to just relax a tad. The instructor said that quite frankly she had only seen me in clinical once, and it had been a few semesters ago. I guess I was hoping for less hurtful type statements, though. She could have been a little bit more therapeutic I believe. Anywho..Thanks again!

I will be graduating this May and have already submitted some applications. I was told recently by an instructor that I didn't seem minimally competent, and therefore definitely not competent for the areas in which I requested as my "top areas" for new grad residencies (which were NICU, PICU/peds, L&D, and adults critical care.) My question is, what IS a good first nursing job for someone who's seemingly incompetent? I have been on mostly med-surg clinical floors, and I know I am not suitable for those jobs. I cannot handle having 6 patients, nor do I feel safe practicing with 6 patients. I know I wouldn't be a good fit there because I am more meticulous with everything (meds, looking through history/notes, etc) and it's going to take me much more time to do things. I've been told over and over that I need to be more assertive (to my dismay, I am not able to "become assertive" overnight or after having someone tell me "you need to be more assertive!" In fact, it only worsens my nonexistent self-esteem and confidence. The thing is, I'm not very good at anything nurse-wise, other than being super attentive and intuitive to my surroundings and details. I'm not the greatest multi-tacker (i'm much better and focusing on one thing at a time), I'm not speedy with meds (I look in depth at everything; I want to become familiar with what i'm giving, me being a SAFE nurse is more important to me than giving a pt their tylenol and protonix "on time". I recognize the medications that DO need to be given at a certain time (abx, more critical type meds, etc.) , I'm extremely introverted in a large field of extroverts, I'm not good at running around like a chicken with my head cut off (which is how I see every med-surg nurse) I know I would fail miserably, I would not be timely enough for everything. I like to go into pts chart in depth and read their history, why they came in, and start piecing things together. I chose those specialties because of the ratio of nurse:pt. I just want to be the best nurse I can be. I have everything to work on, I know that. It's hard enough having to change my personality/behavior, but I also have to work on nurse related skills. I'm sorry for this novel of a post, but I'm very concerned for myself. I have no idea the best first nursing job for me. I'm very slow on the whole learning curve thing, and I don't want to be absolutely miserable for 18-24 months.