Please critique my Personal Statement

[Chiro2Nursing]

I am applying to the accelerated second degree BSN program at USF Tampa which begins in Fall of 2014. I am going through the personal statement revisions now and would like some input from those who have been there before. Please take a few minutes to read my statement and let me know what you think. Any advice for revision would be greatly appreciated as I have to cut the content down to two (2) pages max. I am told that USF bases their admission decisions on (30%) GPA, (30%) Pre-req GPA, and (40%) Personal Statement. Thanks in advance for your thoughts and recommendations.

The following is a first attempt at the statement as it is in DRAFT status.

The instructions for the personal statement are as follows:

Please read the sample curriculum and philosophy statement available here. Then, respond to the following questions in a careful and thoughtful manner.

* What motivates you to pursue nursing as a profession?

* Given the rigor of this program, what plans have you made to ensure your success?

* Describe how your leadership, service, and volunteer experiences will contribute to the nursing profession.

Please see the link below for access to my first draft:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/0afjqg7knijkp6k/Personal%20Statement%20DRAFT.pdf

[BusyBee91]

1. You might try this in the general or prenursing forums- not that I doubt you are qualified to post in the 'male' forum, but you might get more readership in the others.

2. I just skimmed your PS, and it sounds like you have a really cool background. If you don't mind me asking, why are you pursuing nursing when you are already a DC, with what sounds like a successful private practice? Not that I don't see the appeal of nursing, just curious about what YOU are planning to get out of it.

[chernandez3841]

I couldn't download it :(Sorry I was so interested in reading it too!

[Chiro2Nursing]

BusyBee,

I am pursuing the nursing degree to allow for better options in mainstream medicine. As a chiropractor, I am very limited in my scope of practice and we are treated unfairly with regards to insurance reimbursement. Obtaining a BSN and MSN will allow me to practice as both a chiropractor as well as a primary care provider with the ability to prescribe meds if needed. It opens up new opportunities to advance my career. The nursing pathway will take me approximately 2.5 years to complete the MSN.

The other route to consider would be going to D.O. school which would take me an additional 5-6 years. I am still considering this route, however I need to apply to the nursing profession first and weigh my options.

[NurseGirl525, ASN, RN]

Nurses are limited in their scope of practice as well. It is going to take you that long to get your MSN in nursing anyway. Many programs require at least 1 year of critical care experience before applying to their program. So you get your BSN, work your way up to critical care, then get a year of experience, then apply and get your masters. If being able to incorporate both I would spend the 5-6 years now and get the D.O. Doctors and nurses are quite different jobs.