People are out to get me

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

Dear Nurse Beth,

I graduated in May '16. When I started my first job, I was terrified. I worried how I was ever going to be able to handle 5-6 patients. Needless to say, I ended up leaving that job after 3 months and went to work in an ICU.

The ICU seemed more desirable because of the smaller nurse to patient ratio giving the ability to give better care. However, no matter where I work, I notice my co-workers treat me in the same negative way. I thought it was my imagination, until another nurse actually pointed out that it seems as if people are "out to get me."

That has crossed my mind in the past, but I thought maybe I was being silly and overreacting. I guess my question is, do you think maybe the other nurses can smell fear and are automatically going to dislike me, or not include me (as juvenile as that sounds) no matter where I choose to work? As we all know, nursing takes a certain personality and I'm not sure I have it.

---

Dear People are Out to Get Me,

No matter where you choose to work, you will always be there. The only person you can change is yourself.

Framing this as a personality type is probably not going to help you. There are all kinds of personalities in nursing, both introverts and extroverts and everything in between, but everyone responds positively to people who are caring and authentic.

You say you are fearful in your practice and it's possible you are also afraid of others. That will result in a negative vibe and off-putting behaviors that are affecting your interpersonal relationships.

At the point you began to believe that others treat you negatively, you began to notice those behaviors more, confirming your belief but also perpetuating your belief.

Ask someone in your life that you trust to give you some constructive feedback. For example, you may be giving an impression of being aloof without knowing it.

How you perceive yourself is not necessarily how others perceive you, and it can change your life for you to reconcile the two.

Best wishes,

Nurse Beth

Author, "Your Last Nursing Class: How to Land Your First Nursing Job"...and your next!

[Elaken]

I don't think nurses dislike people who are afraid I think we are leery of them. I worked with someone in float pool who was that way and I got a lot of aides complaining to me. They felt she never knew how to respond to any situation and was never helpful.

Aides rely on their nurses and nurses rely on each other - it is terrifying to work with someone who you can't trust. But people were never "out to get her." No one froze her out or tried to make her job harder. If that is the response you are getting, at every job, then you are definitely the common factor. I think Nurse Beth is right, you need to find someone to give you the hard truth about how you are coming off to your coworkers.

And I would really look into the fact that after 2 years you are still nervous with your job.

[Yep, Me]

Is there something from your past that makes you still afraid? I know that people who have a combination of narcissist/enabling parents can lay their trip on their children.

BTW: I've been a nurse for 40 years in May,& I'm still nervous at my job. Not the "don't know what to do" nervous. The "peoples lives are in my hands so get your thinking cap & glasses on so you can help them" nervous. If I ever lose that, then it's time to quit nursing. That is a good kind of nervous. It keeps us on our toes.