I feel like a PHONY
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I just had a week off of my job on the nightshift on a very busy ACU because my husband was out of town and I had no childcare. Tonight was supposed to be my first night back but I called in because my Daughter and I have been sick with a really nasty cold and I felt like I needed one more day. Plus I hate to leave a sick baby. Also, my last scheduled day I scored an LCD and had just had a few days off. So I have weaseled out of work since the 5th.
Anyway, I keep thinking--maybe I shouldn't go back. And of course I will, but I still wonder.
I've been working since the end of June but I still feel like a big phony. I work on a busy ACU floor. We have lots of post-opens and a healthy sprinkling of mechanical hearts and transplants. I am terrible at reading EKGS--especially 12 leads, make sure I have it right side up if you ever see me trying to read one--and the emergency orders are a mess in my brain. Thank god for the monitor techs. If I'm ever the first one to a code I feel like that person will be as dead as a doornail before I figure out what the heck is going on. I passed the dysryhythmia test and the emergency procedure test, but that was while I was sitting minding my own business in the library. No one's life depended on me. And I'm starting to get MORE scared because almost all the nurses on my shift are pretty new and there is no one to run to for help. If the one nurse with experience is sick we are in trouble. Tomorrow I am supposed to precept someone too. And she's going to know more than me, so THAT should be pretty embarrassing.
Well, poor sick baby just passed out (ok, she's 3, but she's my baby), so I'm going to crack open the EKG book so I can feel better. At least I'm TRYING to learn!