Discontent

Quote

I do not feel that I can even express my feelings to my management because I do not trust them.

Wise.

It's usually best to sit on things for a minute and work through pros and cons of the various ways it could be handled and their possible outcomes. Depending on how much you are/are not willing to look for work elsewhere, it *might* be worth it to schedule a meeting with your supervisor for information gathering. Not to share your feelings so-to-speak--or at least not a bunch of statements about "I feel like....[blah, blah, blah]. If I chose to do this I'd ask questions and make statements that are as objective as possible, while speaking in a calm, professional tone. Such as, "I'm not clear whether there is a problem and want to be able to get along well here so was hoping we could talk through what I've been experiencing. Since the situation this past Summer and the conflict resolution meeting, I have been fielding various criticisms such as [give examples] and have been on the receiving end of rather frequent unkind comments and insults, such as [give examples]. I am not sure how to proceed from here."

Then wait for reply and just listen. Sometimes there are actually some things that we could do better in order to get on the right track, so it's important to neutrally listen to what is actually being said without being defensive. On the other hand, sometimes we get BS responses out of conversations like this. And every possible thing in-between. Either way, we tend to get information that helps inform our next steps.

Sorry to hear you are having trouble.

If there isn't a clear path to getting things on track it would be worth it to look elsewhere.

Good luck ~

I am in a situation very similar to yours. It's very stress inducing and makes the job incredibly hard. My ability to focus is mostly non- existent. I love what I do but, the managers and most of my coworkers, not so much. 

Two years ago I landed my first work from home job and am still employed today, and love it. The director over my department has her "favorites" as most bosses do. One of her favorites threatened to leave if she didn't get a promotion. Well, she got her promotion but she continues to do exactly what the rest of the team does- peds case management. 

There are many double standards that beam and scream from this group and leadership. Other coworkers expressed frustration with the special treatment that a few of the coworkers receive. 

Every year, the company has or encourages every employee to complete a survey of how they feel things are going in their department and company wide. It is written in bold all over emails that the surgery is CONFIDENTIAL.  

Due to the ongoing turmoil within the group, I was transparent in my survey and let it all out.....its all confidential and anonymous. 

Well, when the director got the results back, my exact comments, word for word was provided to her and she read them aloud to the group during our monthly meeting!!!

In my comments, I explained about the favoritism and special treatment and how the most of the team saw it. Once that comment was read, everyone knew who the comment was about. The director did not mention my name as she kept saying, "I don't know who's comment this is but,..."

I believe her reading someone's comments to the group of people they work with that was to be completely confidential, is morally and ethically wrong! Even though my name wasn't mentioned, everyone knew.. I know the director knew it was my comment and I'm positive she told the person it was my comment.

Since this meeting, the whole team barely acknowledges me- I mean barely as in maybe a Hello on a "like" on Teams once a week. People that used to text me, do not text me anymore since that meeting. 

The funny thing is, my comments were exactly what the group was upset about, so why be mad at me for speaking the truth?

Anyway, I'm not sure what to do. I'm looking for another job. I've thought about going to HR but, HR and management are tight and by doing that, I will cause myself more insult to injury. I've been with the company a total of 6yrs- 2 yrs in the work from home job. 

Any insight on this? Do I owe an apology? I feel like those comments were private and anonymous and should have never been read to the group word for word. I'm at a loss.

Thanks.

NurseRN07BSN said:

Any insight on this? Do I owe an apology? I feel like those comments were private and anonymous and should have never been read to the group word for word. I'm at a loss.

No you don't owe anyone an apology. It wouldn't be sincere anyway; the only thing to feel sorry about is having believed they really wanted to know your thoughts (or that they would take them into sincere consideration).

They play these games absolutely on purpose. Your comments were read aloud to humiliate you and to discourage others from ever giving responses that aren't positive. Unfortunately many of your peers around the country have figured out these sham surveys before you and refuse to participate. 

On the other hand, here's something to consider for the future: On workplace matters (e.g. such and such isn't "fair" or so-and-so is lazy or xyz new policy is stupid, etc., etc.) a rule of thumb I use is that if it isn't bothering me enough that I'm willing to go and discuss it professionally with someone face-to-face, then I better figure out how to let it go. Many of the issues we deal with day-do-day can be considered in this manner (not all, but many). Is it unsafe/unethical/bothersome/concerning enough that I am willing to go and discuss my concern like an adult professional.....or not?

^That serves at least two purposes: 1. It helps us get grounded a little as far as what is important and what isn't 2. If it is a matter that is bothersome enough to go and discuss with someone, just the act of being willing to go and discuss it professionally gives you a little credibility, because the more common thing is that people like to join in on complaining with peers but then won't actually raise the issue or be part of a solution (just like your peers who were likely also complaining are now distancing themselves).

There's nothing to do (IMHO) except to do your best work, maintain a professional demeanor and see if it all blows over. I can tell you that if it were me (which it wouldn't be for reasons above), I would act like nothing happened. I assume your manager is wanting you to feel stupid and embarrassed; personally I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

Thanks for your point of view. She most certainly humiliated me and made an example out of me of what no one should be doing. I have had one on one meetings with this person and directly discussed issues. She wants nothing sent in email format, etc.- nothing traceable or recoverable- that alone is a huge red flag to me. 

Since the said fiasco, she makes every attempt to avoid me, which I'm perfectly OK with. 

I've given myself the pep talk of "Just let it go." I do my job and I do it very well. I can't let some miserable person sabotage my work, my peace, and will to keep going.