Two days out of orientation..

Hi guys!

It did not take me long to find my first RN job; this may be because I was willing to work in LTC. Despite my personal record of a four week job search, I am having a major crisis of confidence!

First of all, I was supposed to orient (work with an experienced nurse) for my first three days, but that was extended to five days, then seven because it was clear to them I was not ready. Now I have worked two full shifts outside of orientation, and I just feel so inadequate.

I always leave work for the evening shift--always. I at least finish passing both rounds of medication for which I am responsible. But I have not yet left the evening nurse with a clean schedule.

Everyone is telling me "you're doing great!" but I wonder if they are saying it to help me build confidence because I can tell you right now that I don't feel like I am doing "great." I have made incredibly poor decisions already, like my supervisor had to tell me to never leave meds in a patient's room--the kind of thing that I should have known from school, if not the darn NCLEX, right? I asked her what consequences I am facing for my actions (I am the kind of dude who owns my mistakes, and wants to deal with them head on so I can learn) and she said "well, just don't do it again."

I don't want to give the impression that I regret becoming a nurse, because I love my job! I just wish I was better at it. I forgot how much I hate being new....

Any thoughts and suggestions would be awesome and appreciated!