Random Acts of Lunacy

[TitaniaSidhe]

Random Acts of Lunacy

Some old, some new, all funny. And the last one is a

beauty......................

Strange but oddly satisfying RANDOM ACTS OF LUNACY A man who shoveled

snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in

Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had

taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

********

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting

from Harareto Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his

incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone

waiting there a free ride. He then delivered to the mental hospital,

telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to

bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

********

An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from

serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to

see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was

hit.

********

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an

examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is

pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that

her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her

reputation by

having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently

watched

the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window!

Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last

time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men

came. And I was just checking ..."

********

When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at its intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James

Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the

barrel

and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

********

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of

its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a

finger. The chef's claim was approved.

********

Bonus extra

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him

something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a

bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large

plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the

cab, then the driver said, Please, don't ever do that again. You

scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also

frightened, apologized and said he didn't realise that a tap on the

shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied,

"I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day

driving a cab. I have been driving a heorifice for the last 25 years."

[synkitty]

i got sent this in an email, i have no idea where it is from, so i apologise to anyone in advance.

number one idiot of 2004

>i am a medical student currently doing a rotation in

>toxicology at the poison control center. today, this

>woman called in very upset because she caught her

>little daughter eating ants. i quickly reassured her

>that the ants are not harmful and there would be no

>need to bring her daughter into the hospital. she

>calmed down and at the end of the conversation

>happened to mention that she gave her daughter some

>ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. i told

>her that she better bring her daughter into the

>emergency room right away.

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> :smackingf number two idiot of 2004

>early this year, some boeing employees on the

>airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of

>the 747s. they were successful in getting it out of

>the plane and home. shortly after they took it for a

>float on the river, they noticed a coast guard

>helicopter coming towards them it turned out that

>the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator

>beacon that activated when the raft was inflated

>they are no longer employed at boeing.

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> number three idiot of 2004

>a true story out of san francisco: a man, wanting to

>rob a downtown bank of america, walked into the

>branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. put all your

>muny in this bag." while standing in line, waiting

>to give his note to the teller, he began to worry

>that someone had seen him write the note and might

>call the police before he reached the teller's

>window. so he left the bank of america and crossed

>the street to wells fargo. after waiting a few

>minutes in line, he handed his note to the wells

>fargo teller. she read it and, surmising from his

>spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light

>in the harbor, told him that she could not accept

>his stickup note because it was written on a bank of

>america deposit slip and that he would either have

>to fill out a wells fargo deposit slip or go back to

>bank of america. looking somewhat defeated, the man

>said, "ok" and left. he was arrested a few minutes

>later, as he was waiting in line back at bank of

>america.

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> :cheers: number four idiot of 2004

>a guy walked into a little corner store with a

>shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash

>drawer. after the cashier put the cash in a bag, the

>robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind

>the counter on the shelf. he told the cashier to put

>it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and

>said, "because i don't believe you are over 21. "

>the robber said he was, but the clerk still refused

>to give it to him because he didn't believe him. at

>this point, the robber took his driver's license out

>of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. the clerk

>looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact

>over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. the robber

>then ran from the store with his loot the cashier

>promptly called the police and gave the name and

>address of the robber that he got off the license.

>they arrested the robber two hours later.

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> :chair: idiot number five of 2004

>a pair of michigan robbers entered a record shop

>nervously waving revolvers. the first one shouted,

>"nobody move!" when his partner moved, the startled

>first bandit shot him.

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> :beer: idiot number six of 2004

>seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. he

>decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through

>a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. so

>he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his

>head at the window. the cinder block bounced back

>and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him

>unconscious. it seems the liquor store window was

>made of plexiglas. the whole event was caught on

>videotape. oh, that smarts.

>

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> :selfbonk: idiot number seven of 2004

>the ann arbor news crime column reported that a man

>walked into a burger king in ypsilanti, michigan at

>12:50 a. m., flashed a gun and demanded cash. the

>clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't

>open the cash register without a food order. when

>the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they

>weren't available for breakfast. the man,

>frustrated, walked away.

:lol_hitti