Nursing Humor

Subject: Nurses

Q: Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?

A: It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!

You know you're a nurse if...You believe every patient needs TLC:

> >Thorazine,Lorazepam and Compazine.

You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one

night.

You believe not all patients are annoying...some are unconscious.

Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.

You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town

by heart.

You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock Almost everything can seem

humorous...eventually.

When asked, "What color is the patient's diarrhea?", you show them your

shoes.

Every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors

and clamps in your pockets

You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing you

than he can.

You carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to

deliver.

You refuse to watch ER because it's too much like the real thing and

triggers "flash backs."

You check the caller ID when the phone rings on your day off to see if

someone from the Hospital/Agency is trying to call to ask you to work.

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table

throw up.

You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a

nurse.

Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them

on you.

You can intubate your friends at parties, You don't get excited about blood

loss...unless it's your own.

You live by the motto, "To be right is only half the battle, to convince the

physician is more difficult."

You've basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe.

You've told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker and to

HOLLER if they need help.

Eating microwave popcorn out a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank.

When checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the

answer.

You find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting

lines.

You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner break,

sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up.

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop

near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

You've sworn you're going to have "NO CODE" tattooed on your chest.

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