Lost in the shuffle

[ashlbr11, BSN]

Hi there- new to the site- hoping if someone has any advice/ suggestions they would be willing to share! First a background on my situation-

I began my first job as an RN on the same unit I worked on as an aide (Women’s oncology). I loved the patients, my coworkers, was working straight days, and had built up some seniority there. Unfortunately like many others, I became burned out, and had little support from management to help push through it. I ultimately left after almost 5 years of being on that unit.

I went to outpatient OB/GYN at the same health system... and I hated it. I sat all day, doing mostly just phone triage, I missed oncology, I missed doing nursing tasks, and I was beyond bored. I decided pretty quickly it wasn’t for me, and decided to pursue a job at a different health system in the area after just 7 months of being in outpatient.

I took a position at a different hospital on a surgical oncology unit and initially thought it was a great fit, until they “unexpectedly” shut down half the unit, put a hiring freeze on the hospital and basically made me be part time. At that point, part time was totally unacceptable financially for me, and I couldn’t wait it out (they were uncertain when they would reopen the unit completely), so I decided to pursue a full time position. That job only lasted about 4 months. I wasn’t particularly impressed with the facility either.

I ended up in my current job, at yet another health system, in oncology research. I have great coworkers, get to work with patients, and have been learning tons. However, recently this area has been facing huge MD turnovers and all over inconsistencies in policies and rules, drama between nurses, which in the short 6 months that I’ve been here has made finding and keeping patients very difficult, and may soon affect my full time status. I am trying to stay positive and stick it out, however with everything going on and with little answers from management I am discouraged. I like what I do, but I find most of my time now is being spent worrying and no longer seeing patients, and I miss it. I’ve been feeling awful and honestly a bit lost. I know what I like/ dislike in nursing- but I’m still unsure of what to do- wait and possibly sink with the ship or jump off again.

My interests these days have been narrowed down quite a bit. I like surg onc, I’m open to trying ICU or even radiology, or maybe even perioperative. I understand that leaving may necessitate pursing something else other than oncology and I’m honestly okay with that.

I am afraid of being looked down on for jumping ship, if that is what I end up doing. I am not yet eligible for an internal transfer. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced a situation similar-where you’ve faced an instance where your passion for nursing has been affected by institutional politics/ drama, and if you have any words of advice to help from feeling so lost.

Thanks in advance