Looking for advice

From last January to about June, I was in a nursing program. My anxiety had reduced me to tears on a regular basis in clinicals during the first trimester, but the second trimester it increased to missed days and errors in clinicals. Nevertheless, the tough nursing director said if I wanted to come back in a year I'd be very welcome. I'd start in May if I go back in 2011, and graduate in December.

Now here's my problem. My anxiety declined greatly once the pressure of school was suddenly vanquished; however, has returned to show the same nasty head it did during my second trimester. I've been taking medication for depression and anxiety, but it doesn't do 100%. I've been analyzing what's making me depressed and anxious, and I've come to the conclusion it's because I feel like I have no accomplishments, no independence, and limited say in my life as I life with my dad and am entirely dependent at 24. I've been looking for work with no luck.

I've been considering how to fix these issues that cripple me, and I've come to the conclusion that I need to accomplish something and I need to find some manner of independence. I'm starting to get more involved with my church again, and I'm trying to organize some charity work for us around Christmas, but that's not enough. I want a job. More than just to pay for school, but to afford healthy food and be able to fund things for the youth at church. So, I'm trying harder now to get a job. I've also been working on nursing school guides, from clinicals to classes, for the specific school I want to return to. I want to share them with the new students, and I was hoping also that it would help me get introduced to the students starting in January that would become my peers in the second trimester. I'm also making an attempt this week to ask the rehabilitation hospital wing that I had my last clinicals in (and consequently, where some of my previous classmates are still having rotations) if I could observe. I was very nervous and uneasy about wound care and nursing notes, and I'd very much like to learn how to better my practice in both before returning.

Thing is, lately I've been wondering if maybe I should take some more time before I go back. I want to very badly, I loved my clinical rotations more than anything in the past 5 years, but I know I can't function at TTCM if I don't get my anxiety under control first. It crossed my mind that perhaps it's the best thing. Another year would give me more time to thoroughly read all our books (I purchased them all, and my classmates are willing to share their notes once they graduate ♥), time to find a sense of accomplishment through work and charity, and give me a chance to get over my anxiety and get the experience in a nursing setting (if permitted) that would allow me to come back confidently.

The down side to this idea, is that it would be another year of living with my dad that I didn't plan on. It would mean I would be 26 by the time I had a license. I feel bad for having wasted my life and just started to repair it in the last two years. I don't know if it's a wise idea or if I should just do everything I can until May and go back to get it over with.

I'm not willing to give up on this dream, I'm just not sure the best way to get there. I want to be the best nurse I can be, but more so I want to be a student nurse up to the expectations of the tough TTCM nursing director. I could very easily go to another nursing school that's easier, but I want to pass this challenge I've been offered.

If anyone has any advice for me or recommendations, or even some tips how to help with my anxiety attacks, I'd be very greatful! ♥♥♥