Guidence

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OMG .. WOW, THAT WAS SOME PEP TALK, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER LOL? That really made me want to go dive in like right now! I KNOW I can do it, but it IS very scary! I saw both of my friends fight their way through school and once they made it through they were so happy. In fact one of them wanted to be a midwife but ended up in the ED at Forsyth (assueming you know anything about Winston Salem, NC, that is one of the hospitals there). She tells me all the time of the things she see's and how crazy it is, but she loves it! The other friend of mine, was a single mom (well and still is) and she started nursing school in Charlotte, but dropped out when she got pregnant, then went back like a year later and it seemed she always questioned herself about getting back into it. It seemed (to me at least) like it took her FOREVER to FINALLY make it, but she did and now she works in the Mother/baby unit at Forsyth as well. It just seems so hard, all the things you have to remember and OMG... peoples lives, they depend on you in a lot of ways. Its so funny, but the things that inspire me also scare the jeepers out of me. For example, I had a friend who had a 26 weeker and her little angle weighed a little over ONE POUND! She was so tiny and frail but watching how she stayed alive and faught her little way through everything, it pushed me to WANT to do this. I used to go with her and Id watch the respiratory therapist come in and extabate her, I thought to myself "could I do that?" I am more than likely sounding like a nut right now, but it IS a great load and very overwhelming! I mean I think about the guilt Id carry if I screwed up it would just be too much to bare, but I have this desire down in me that I can't shake pushing me in that direction. How in the world did you get through it? I mean I know you said you formed a family with your fellow students, but on a personal level, like within yourself, how did you deal with these types of things, or did you even ever fear any of this? You sound so confident and fearless, it's inspiring really! But seriously, how did you do it? I mean Im no spring chicken and most people go right into this right after highschool, but I took a few years to "find myself" and well, this seems to be where Im at! Well, I really do appreciate you giving me such a wonderful pep talk and I look forward to hearing what other great knowledge you carry lol!!!!!!

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LOL thats funny, but I enjoyed reading everything you had to say, it really IS helping me out a lot. I guess you DO know a thing or two about Winston huh? That is great that you are starting your orientation at Forsyth tomorrow! Good Luck! Both of my friends love it there! The girls there are all really nice too, or at least I haven't heard a lot of negative from either of my friends.

You mentioned you had a fiance too, Congrats on that! I am a newly wed, we got married December 5th!! Bless his heart , he is so wonderful and patient and supportive of whatever I decide and that in itself helps! I guess it's easy for him to relate because he was a hospital corpsman in the military right out of highschool and he loved working in medical and continued onto become a respiratory theropist, but got in the field and somehow found himself going into a different direction and he is now a Clinical Specialist. So he has really been there for me and TRIED to help me with my struggles with this, but sometimes, it's nice to get out of your surroundings and reach out to others that don't know you personally and can help you in other ways. Does that make sense?

My study habits are good, but I am more of an investigator than a studier. I will disect something to pieces basically breaking it down to nothing and then rebuilding it so I understand exactly how it all works. My husband calls me the disector lol! In fact when my dad was in the hospital (Im a total

"daddy's girl") I literally would stay at the hospital and then go home and research anything I heard anyone say and I would study everything I could just so I would KNOW what was going on and stayed on top of what was happening. Even though Jase (my husband) could tell me anything I wanted to know and so could my two friends, I had to disect it and study it all MYSELF! I guess Im just a freak or something. I don't know, maybe I will take your advice and try to see if I can go in and feel my way around a unit or two. I really don't think ER would be the best place for me though. I could see myself in more of a PICU setting. I love kids and being in the NICU w/my friend and her tiny little angel is really what stays with me the most. Plus I myself can not have children so if I can't be a "mother" I could at least be another childs angel.

Thank you for your "novel" lol, I did really enjoy it. You seem like a book of info! And YES, as long as you don't mind me digging into your brain, I will def. come to you for any advice! I appreciate it so much!

OMG I just noticed your profile says you live in Salisbury, that is quite the drive from there to Winston esp. everyday or a few times a week to go to work, and God only knows what kind of hours you will be doing that drive!!! You sure are determined:bowingpur lol!! I sure hope you have planned or already have moved closer out this way, if not I have lived here forever, so I could give you a few places to check out if you decide to move this way to be closer to work.

Amie

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Oh WOW! You have to be kidding me! MRKH? and NO that wasn't too much info! I used to be pretty private, almost "ashamed" of NOT being able to have kids but then I decided that God had a different plan for me and just decided to accept it and move forward. It was always so hard to tell the "potential" men in my life that I wouldn't be able to give them something they may want, but something about Jase just made me feel at ease with everything. NOt that anyone ever made me feel defective, I did that part to myself, but in my head for a long time I felt like it was the woman's part to give a man his children and I wasn't able to do that so I was in some way a failure. I did once have this evil girl that claimed to be my best friend about 6 years ago that I had told why I could not have children and she didn't believe me. She went home and googled MRKH and thought that I didn't have a lady parts either LOL. Some people are so stupid! Wow, that is crazy!

You will enjoy Forsyth, Im sure of it! Too bad you aren't moving to Winston though, I really like it hear. Funny you say that your fiance doesn't want to move because Friday my husband told me that he MAY be up for a promotion which would transfer him (well us) to Harrisburg!! HA! I don't want to move either, but I don't want Jase to have to drive day in and day out all that way. I am so nervous about the chance of us moving, but excited at the same time. Then I will have to transfer myself to another University to carry out this degree if I do in fact choose to take that road, oh well I guess it could be a package of new beginnings!

GOOD LUCK TOMORROW!

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I can't help but to keep saying "wow", I've never "met" anyone else that can relate to all of this! I can't believe that idiot ob did that to you!!!! That is just freakin nuts and Im sure it was embarrassing, bless your heart.

Yeah sitting still is NOT an option for me! Oh no no no, I hate sitting in lectures or anything that involves me just sitting! But it's all part of the game so what do ya do ya know?

Im so glad I met you too, We really do have a lot in common and you have been quite the "saving grace" for me with your motivation in hleping me to choose what exactly I want to do.

Have a great night!

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What!? Good Lord that is just rediculous, but YES that was God looking out for you!! Jase says he would never go back into the military, even though he did get a lot out of it, he still would never go back!! I'm sure that WAS a big slap in the self-esteem, trust me, I've had my share of those, but in different ways. I was engaged to a guy (what I thought to be my first "real" love, I was young) and even though he knew my situation and seemed to understand, I think he just TRIED to seem like he understood because later after we split up, he thought it to be amusing to hit me in the gut with that ammunition in a couple different ways, the main one was that he immediately married the girl he dated before me and they had two children, which wasn't the "real" issue, I mean it always hurts when someone you thought you loved and claimed to love you back has absolutely no "down" time between you and the next girl, but he began spreading around that I could NEVER give him the happiness he found with the family he had with her! I guess that is what really fired up my "insecurity" about the entire thing. That story was prob. so random, but just so happens I ran into that POS today and even though I am 110% happy with my life now, I get so angry inside when I see his face! Although, I guess that doesn't exactly compare to having an ob "make sure" you are really female ! As for the National Guard thing, that just doesn't even make sense, but Im glad you found some kind of resolution with that even if you didn't pursue it any further!!

I'm glad orientation is going well, and I bet you are excited to get in there and get going in the action of things!!! This is where your life and career really begin and I am sure it will bring you a lot of happiness!

As for me, Im still on the fence, right this second I am waiting to see what the plan is with Jase and his job, and if we are going to be moving. I really do know that my heart keeps pulling me in that direction, but I think I am going to follow your advice and see about shadowing. I think that will really help me!! Right now I am just on "hold" I guess because this move with Jase and his job will make a lot of changes happen ya know.

Sorry if I rambled and my thoughts began to drift away from nursing and onto "personal" issues, I don't normally do that to complete strangers over the freakin internet no less, but I guess it's different when someone out there has the same medical issue you do and MAY BE ABLE to relate in some way shape or form. I didn't mean to dump it all in your lap, today was just one of those days I guess. I think I will go kiss my husband now LOL.

Thanks for listening even if you WERE thinking (looney toon alert).

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