Terms have been updated to fit today's times:

Subject: Updated definitions

Terms have been updated to fit today's times:

CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake

himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the

wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market

keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally

between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per

share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo

@ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a

nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.