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You Misspelled "Domestic Violence"

Nurses Article   (2,618 Views 23 Comments 975 Words)
by Ruby Vee Ruby Vee, BSN (Member) Nurse Verified

Ruby Vee has 40 years experience as a BSN .

923 Likes; 11 Followers; 64 Articles; 168,829 Visitors; 13,721 Posts

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Domestic Abuse is not "fighting" or "arguing". Minimizing it or justifying it doesn't help anyone except the abuser. Let's call it what it is. You are reading page 2 of You Misspelled "Domestic Violence". If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

audreysmagic has 15 years experience as a RN.

133 Likes; 1 Follower; 7,754 Visitors; 458 Posts

Ruby, thank you so much for this.  As a domestic violence survivor myself, I had your previous article on it sitting in an open tab for a long time, trying to find the right words to respond.  As a writer, I rarely find myself lacking them, but your story hit home hard.  I, too, found myself in a relationship with an individual with some mental health issues and found myself making excuses and falling victim to gaslighting...even while working as a nurse in a position where I counseled many domestic violence victims.  I could see it in everyone but myself, until an incident that made me see it starkly for what it was.  

Downplaying can be so dangerous, and I know how easily it happens.  It's bad enough when the victim does it, but when those around them pitch in, the situation gets even worse.  

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66 Likes; 1 Follower; 24,178 Visitors; 2,243 Posts

Thank you for posting this.  Maybe someone will read this who needs to recognize that their own situation isn't okay to stay in either.

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Ruby Vee has 40 years experience as a BSN.

923 Likes; 11 Followers; 64 Articles; 168,829 Visitors; 13,721 Posts

And that's part of the reason I wrote the article in the first place.  If even one person reads my article and looks at their own situation differently, then I've helped.  

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LikeTheDeadSea has 6 years experience as a BSN, RN and works as a Certified School Nurse.

161 Likes; 1 Follower; 4,518 Visitors; 432 Posts

Every time you share your story, Ruby, it warms my heart. You do it in such a clear way and I know I'll find myself using some of the language you used when talking with peers in the future. Unfortunately domestic abuse is something that I find myself talking about more and more.

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NutmeggeRN has 25 years experience and works as a HS Nurse.

152 Likes; 1 Follower; 41,936 Visitors; 3,624 Posts

Thank you for sharing...

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3 Likes; 3,729 Visitors; 54 Posts

Ruby,

Thank you very much for writing and shedding light on domestic violence. DV isn't something that's talked about as much as it should. You never know when you'll find yourself, a loved one, or a patient in that situation. Victims have a hard time seeking help. All too often, their situation is minimized, and their feelings ignored. It's also incredibly difficult for victims of domestic violence to leave. I recently got out of a relationship that required surgery. I never thought it would happen to me. 

If there's someone out there reading and going through this...get out. You deserve so much more.

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DaniannaRN has 13 years experience and works as a Utilization Management at Insurance Company.

39 Likes; 1,987 Visitors; 44 Posts

Thank you so much for sharing this.  I know how hard it can be to open up about this.  Women and men alike tend to downplay the seriousness of it.  

But it's important for us survivors to keep sharing our stories.  Who knows how many women (or men) it may help to finally leave their horrible situations.

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Lev has 7 years experience as a BSN, RN.

36 Likes; 2 Followers; 8 Articles; 55,178 Visitors; 2,796 Posts

Insightful article as always Ruby Vee!

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Mas Catoer has 30 years experience and works as a Staff of Nursing Committee.

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Well said.

Aside from what might have been the cause. Domestic violence is what it is. The abuser mostly manipulates things to maintain control. Many goes silent even ends up with fatalities. 

That's reminds me the story around one famous football player so many years back which seemed the truth was unrevealed.

Stay strong, Ruby Vee

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Sensibility has 17 years experience and works as a Staff RN.

3,121 Visitors; 101 Posts

Did the medication make a difference in his behavior? Did this affect his violent tendencies? That kind of behavior is irrational and demonstrates some sort of psychological break. As the spouse though and for your own peace, it is important for the person on the receiving end to walk away.  I do know of someone who had violent episodes only he lashed out at the police and ended up in jail. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and placed on meds. We just spent some time with him and he was calm and rational in those days.  He isn’t married. 

What happened to your husband. after you parted company? Thank you for sharing your story. 

Edited by Sensibility

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Ruby Vee has 40 years experience as a BSN.

923 Likes; 11 Followers; 64 Articles; 168,829 Visitors; 13,721 Posts

23 minutes ago, Sensibility said:

Did the medication make a difference in his behavior? Did this affect his violent tendencies? That kind of behavior is irrational and demonstrates some sort of psychological break. As the spouse though and for your own peace, it is important for the person on the receiving end to walk away.  I do know of someone who had violent episodes only he lashed out at the police and ended up in jail. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and placed on meds. We just spent some time with him and he was calm and rational in those days.  He isn’t married. 

What happened to your husband. after you parted company? Thank you for sharing your story. 

The anti-depressants lessened his depression, but it did nothing for the entitled attitudes that led him to believe that he had a right to try to control and manipulate me.  I moved seven states away; about a thousand miles.  I do know that on the occasions that I've seen him since I left, he has been much more respectful . . . probably because he knows now that if he isn't, I will immediately leave his presence.  

Since I've left him, I've learned that mental illness may make you sad or angry or confused, but it won't make you mean.  If you are mentally ill and are mean, you might be mean, but that's because you're mean and not because you're mentally ill.  Improving his depression did not improve his treatment of me.  He has a personality disorder; he's a narcissist.  Narcissists don't change, as a rule.  They think they're just fine the way they are; it's someone ELSE's problem if they don't like being treated with disrespect or contempt.  I have it from two mental health professionals that he's a narcissist and from three that the only thing I can do is save myself.  So I've saved myself, and he is doomed to remain a narcissist.  

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