Worried about program dismissal after death in family

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Hello,

I have a bit of a unique situation here. First a bit of background, I am in my last semester of senior year. However, last semester I failed my nursing course by 2 points due to myself not handing a breakup well and going through a period of depression. I met with the dean of my school and I was allowed the chance to re-mediate that course and graduate on time as I explained my situation while also having my record of good grades previously to back me up, so long as some conditions were met. I needed to hand in all assignments on time, and may not miss a single day of class or clinical. I also, under my own direction, started speaking to a therapist to better myself and work towards not allowing the end of relationships to affect me so greatly that i neglect my obligations in life.

Fast forward to now, I have a 4.0 currently in the last two classes i need to graduate, have not missed a day of class or clinical, scored in the top 94 percentile on the HESI exam, highest in my class.

Unfortunately however, my grandfather who i was very close to, lived directly behind my house and who I helped care for these past few years has just passed away of unexpected cardiac arrest in his sleep on Thursday. I received the news from my mother while at my clinical site and asked to be excused so I can go be with my family. My instructor was very understanding and allowed me to do such. The other issue I had was an assignment for the remediation course that was due the next day at 4pm. This assignment included watching a video and then making your own video or audio response. Naturally I did not feel I was in a proper state to be able to record myself hours after his death and the following day I was tied up at the funeral home helping make arrangements as my mother was in very bad shape over losing her father.

I emailed my professor who is in charge of the remediation and my contract of missing no time in the hopes of a extension on this one assignment. I had other assignments such as online practice exams and a case study, all of which are completed and I will hand in on time. However, my teacher has still not responded to my repeated email attempts as to my situation and missing that voice recording assignment. The other accommodation I asked for is to be able to miss the day of his funeral this week as I am to give his eulogy. This leads me to worry that I am going to be dismissed from the program and to have to repeat the semester next year as I have been given no response.

I know nobody here has any answers besides my professor but I am curious as to your thoughts on this situation. Looking back I wish I just completed the assignment, even if I had to record my shaky voice and wipe away tears in between. I hoped that given this circumstance I expected such a small accommodation as an extra day on an assignment that required me to speak and share it with others that also failed and are in this class. I emailed her an hour after I found out myself and asked her for the extended time, but never received a response as to a yes or no. I wish she would just tell me that she at least received the emails i sent. I do know she was traveling as she sent an email to one of my friends last night stating as such, but why did she not offer me the same courtesy so I know my emails have been read. I can even provide death certificates if they are concerned as to the truthfulness of the story. I am not sure what else to do however or if I should contact my dean. I dont plan on missing extra days, even if they tell me I can not attend his funeral I shall miss it, I do not plan on asking for any other extensions on assignments or tests. I just needed an extra day to consolidate myself so I can speak clearly at my computer.

Thank you for any feedback or input into my situation you may provide me.

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I'm sorry about your grandpa :(

You are exactly right that no one here has the answer but if I may add my .02 here I will say that you have to do what's in your heart and not let your actions be dictated by the school. A year from now, will you be upset if you missed his funeral? My dad died while I was in school. I missed a lab day (which I made arrangements to make up later in the week and did as such) and still I got points for missing my scheduled lab. My issue is this...I know the schools have to have that tough, no nonsense stance but sorry, wasn't missing my dad's funeral.

Hopefully the person you emailed will get back to you and it'll end up being a non-issue. Either way, do the thing that won't make you regret your decision down the road.

(((Hugs)))

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

Forward the email to the dean explain you know instructor is traveling and wanted to be certain someone else knew. Plus ask permission for the funeral. Don't offer a death certificate as it implies you know they won't believe you. Be concise and respectful.

Then decide what you need to do if they say no. Go anyway? Not go?

In my world family cannot be replaces. Everything else can wait. I will never regret putting family first

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Thank you both for your replies and I agree, missing the funeral of someone that was very important in my life should be out of the question. The fact I may have to make that choice disgusts me. Do you believe I should email the dean tonight? I will be back in class tomorrow, I dont want to fall behind in the case that I am not dismissed so I will see my professor tomorrow morning. At the same time on top of everything else going on it is driving my nuts sitting here wondering if I have already been dismissed from the semester and just havnt been told yet. It bothers me I can email someone sharing personal information of the death of a loved one and not be bothered with a reply.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.
Thank you both for your replies and I agree, missing the funeral of someone that was very important in my life should be out of the question. The fact I may have to make that choice disgusts me. Do you believe I should email the dean tonight? I will be back in class tomorrow, I dont want to fall behind in the case that I am not dismissed so I will see my professor tomorrow morning. At the same time on top of everything else going on it is driving my nuts sitting here wondering if I have already been dismissed from the semester and just havnt been told yet. It bothers me I can email someone sharing personal information of the death of a loved one and not be bothered with a reply.

Nursing faculty do not work 24/7/365. They are allowed to take days off and disconnect from email and work entirely. While your situation is unfortunate - it is not reasonable to expect them to be married to their email.

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Nursing faculty do not work 24/7/365. They are allowed to take days off and disconnect from email and work entirely. While your situation is unfortunate - it is not reasonable to expect them to be married to their email.

I understand this, and normally I would assume this to be the case. The only reason I stated as such and honestly, the reason behind all my concern, is a friend of mine forwarded me and email she sent yesterday stating that she was traveling and would respond to her request today. I would be happy with receiving that very same email, but no reply since contacting her on Thursday and Saturday.

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I hope this is all unnecessary worry and I shall find out by tomorrow morning. I mean that contract signed stating all assignments will be completed on time is to ensure I keep on myself as I was excessively absent last semester due to a period of depression for which I wrongly did not seek out help for.

I am having the best semester I have ever had, I show up to clinical 15 minutes early every week which even resulted in my instructor emailing my professor to point out how well I have been doing. A lot of this is thanks to my grandfather, he helped me when I wasnt sure if I was going to graduate or not this year after failing a s. I did not want to let him or myself down and decided to work my butt off this semester. So to have that taken away due to an reasonable emotional response incapacitating me from professionally recording my voice for a discussion for one day is extremely upsetting to me. It is already hard enough to know he wont see me graduate let alone be set back. Again hypothetical but I cant find a valid reason as to ignore my attempts at communication for four days now. If this does indeed come to pass do you think there is a way to fight this as being unethical and not the intention of the contract?

I cant see this as ethical, that contract has an intended desire which I have been achieving it has not been broken due to laziness or lack of self direction, it was broken due to extreme unforeseen circumstance and wont be again. I can not find a policy for my university besides to contact the dean of student affairs in the event of a death so arrangements can be made for miss time and assignments. However, I do not fall under normal circumstances with this contract, but do you believe if I took it hire up I can win my case that I am excelling with the coursework laid before me I just needed a little time to grieve before continuing at excelling.

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Specializes in SICU, trauma, neuro.

I'm so very sorry for your loss... for what it's worth, even with the contract I think it would be absolutely disgusting to dismiss you for missing class for your grandpa's funeral. In fact I would seriously wonder if such a person even had a conscience.

(Nurses and nursing require toughness and discipline... NOT sociopathy. That's what we call the lack of a conscience. Seriously.)

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I'm so very sorry for your loss... for what it's worth, even with the contract I think it would be absolutely disgusting to dismiss you for missing class for your grandpa's funeral. In fact I would seriously wonder if such a person even had a conscience.

(Nurses and nursing require toughness and discipline... NOT sociopathy. That's what we call the lack of a conscience. Seriously.)

I agree 100%. As far as I figure it, even your job usually gives bereavement time.

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Specializes in Pedi.

My grandfather died when I was a junior in college, in my first semester of clinical. He died very shortly after I told my mom "in a little bit, I'm going to go home, take a shower, change and email in my clinical homework." He died at 5am and we'd all been up all night at his bedside in the ICU. He knew that if I had left his bedside and he had died before I got back, I would have never forgiven myself so he left before I did. After he died, I did drive home, finish my clinical homework (it was mostly done at that point as I had worked on it the day before, before the hospital called us to come back), send it to my instructor and mention that he had just died and I wasn't sure when the funeral would be so I didn't know if I'd be at clinical that week. She couldn't believe I'd bothered to email in my homework under those circumstances and immediately told me not to even think about coming to clinical that week.

Once arrangements were made, I realized that I had a test scheduled on the day of his funeral. At my school, the dean was the only one who could excuse missing a test so I sent her a simple email and said "Hi Dean, I am a junior in Professor O's class. We have a test this Wednesday; however my grandfather died this morning and my mother just informed me his funeral will be on Wednesday. There is no way I can miss my grandfather's funeral." She responded, apologized for my loss and said she would let the professor know I'd be missing the test and could make it up upon my return to school. Later that week, I made arrangements with the professor to make up the test.

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I hope they're able to accommodate you, but you must also remember that this is not only about your grandfather. It's also about your "bad breakup" which was an understandable, but illegitimate excuse for failure. You were given chances, but may have squandered them for less important reasons. They will be pushed to their limit at some point.

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Specializes in Pediatric Critical Care.

My infant nephew died while I was in nursing school. I missed class to travel home to be with family. My absence wasn't excused because a nephew wasn't considered close enough of a relative. I even went to the dean...didn't matter.

I don't regret missing class for that, not even a little bit.

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