Will I ever feel normal again?

[Pepper The Cat, BSN, RN]

Hi all

Before I get to my question, background info is required. Sorry this is long.

1 month ago my Mom suffered a massive, hemmoragic stroke. I live a good 200 miles away from my parents. When my Dad called, I dropped everything, booked off my shifts and went home. I spent the next week at Mom's bedside. She passes away July 23.

At the same time this was happening, my 15 year old nephew was admitted to hospital with a blood sugar of 53 (this is Canada, normal blood sugar is in the 4 -7 range, 53 is off the scale - we worry when its above 24!). He was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and had to learn how to administer insulin, modify his diet, etc. Naturally, I was on hand to help with that - as they live overseas and were due to fly back within a couple of weeks, we had to really get things organized for him quickly. On top of that, we have one really bad family blowup plus a couple of small ones. My father was so bad, we started calling him the GOM (grumpy old man). So all of this rolled into my planned vacation. So basically, my vacation sucked big time. I have been back home and back to work for about 1 1/2 weeks now.

Here's my problem. I am so tired - I go to work and have to come home and have a nap before I do anything. Even on my days off, like today - I end up napping in the afternoon. This is not normal for me. Someone told me its just probably all the emotional stress etc catching up. Do you think this is it? Will I ever feel like myself again? Right now, i go to work, but can't seem to get that empathy feeling going towards my patients - I still give great care, but I just don't feel connected to anyone. I'm an old maid, live alone with just my cat, so it doesn't effect anyone else if I nap but I'm just worried that this is not normal.

Or, as one co-worker put it, do I just need a vacation from my vacation?

Has anyone else gone through something like this?

[EmmaG, RN]

I'm so sorry for your loss

Have you talked this over with your doc? Does your job have an EAP (employee assistance program) where you could get some counseling? You certainly have ample reason to be stressed out and depressed.

[sister--*]

I vote for the stress of it all. My kids and I took care of my Mom when she was dying. It was a tremendous roller-coaster of emotion, physical care, family conflict, grieving, estate work, and etc. Going to work after was the only "normal" I'd had for quite some time, yet, I was exhausted. I took those naps and allowed myself the time to occassionally zone out. Gradually, things began to improve. Give yourself time and treat yourself well.Hugs to you. It's been quite an ordeal.

Oh yes, EAP....a good idea!

[semiller36545]

I"m so sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you it gets better , but it's been 3 years since my dad died , and it's still very much a work in progress. I think , though, that it does change, and the pain becomes less acute over time. God be with you.

[leslie :-D]

i too, am so sorry for the loss of your mom.

it hasn't even been a month, yet.

and since she died, you've been being pulled in so many different directions.

it sounds like you and your body are grieving.

yes, you will feel normal again.

be gentle and patient with yourself.

give time a chance.

wishing you peace.

leslie

[imenid37]

Keeping you in my prayers. You are not "just an old maid" or just anything else. You sound like a rock. You are strength for lots of different people, but you need to take care of yourself first. I hope you feel better soon, but I think it will take awhile to work through all that's happened. Do you have friend to talk to? I have a husband and I know sometimes a female friend is way better than him to talk through stressful things. If you think you need the EAP, that would be good. At this point, I think you're grieving and will be for awhile. Take care.

[CyndieRN2007]

Im so sorry for your loss. My uncle (he was more like a brother too me because we were so close in age) died in a horrible accident. It takes a long time to feel normal again. I cant imagine how I would be mentally and physically if one of my parents passed away.

:kiss ((((Pepper)))))

[CHATSDALE]

naps are ok if they don't become excesive

do need a doc or support group or both

give your dad a call cause he is probably going through the same thing

time does helps

[Midwest4me]

I,too, am so sorry for your loss. I've been in similar shoes. You've endured many stress-filled experiences lately. Yes, you WILL feel "normal" again but it's a different timeline for each person. Your brain and body obviously NEED the naps; give in to them! There is no rushing the process. If your employer has such a thing as EAP, you may want to try looking into it. By all means give yourself time to grieve; the first year is the hardest. You're in my prayers.

[Pepper The Cat, BSN, RN]

Thank you to everyone. So good to know that this is normal. I ran into my family MD at work today and talked to her a bit. She said basically the same thing - give it time!

Thanks again