What is happening to me?

[zacarias, ASN, RN]

Hey,

I've posted here a long time ago and although I haven't posted here for a long time, I often come here just to read and read :)

I need to talk though. I've been a nurse for more than five years working all hospital jobs. I am a tele/stepdown nurse but the last jobs I've had have been med/surg/tele. In fact the hospital I'm currently at doesn't even require their TRAVELERS to know tele or have ACLS. I have many skills that are not even used there.

The job I'm at now is my first travel assignment. I've missed several days but I've been there almost six months. I'm not extending again although the manager asked me if I would. I think we are going to Las Vegas for a next assignment.

Here's the thing...I'm miserable. I dread going to work. I cry a lot. Lately, I get to work and my work load is horrendous. I know bedside nursing is not easy (I'm not a newbie), but it's always hectic. I get there and either I have admits that have just got there, not there, or halfway done. Or I have patients that are mid crisis. Maybe I'm just expected to be stressed and so I am. I'm glad I don't have much time left in this contract...but I hope the next one is better.

And looking back on my jobs since I've been a nurse. I've done excellent work, felt unappreciated, never have become a charge nurse even though I want to so bad (I love helping other nurses and newbies and being a resource and I know a lot now!) I owe my lack of progression to the fact that I've lost the majority of my previous nursing jobs due to excessive absences.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm slowly dying and if I don't get better, I will ruin my chances as a travel nurse and have to try to get another job.

Zman

[g4jrn]

You don't say what your "excessive absences" have been caused by...That seems to be the starting point for self-assessment, and, accordingly, resolution. If you are missing work due to genuine health issues, or external situations beyond your control, that's one thing, but if your absences are a product of your emotional health related to your nursing, then you have a more complex issue. If you can step back and honestly assess which exemplifies your history more, then I think you can begin steps toward becoming emotionally healthy. I would recommend finding someone trained in counseling specifically for healthcare professionals...it's a unique medium, and I've found that those outside the immediate nursing arena don't always relate to its complexity. (It's difficult to truly understand the pain of a kidney stone unless you've actually had one...)

I pray you will find the resources you need to regain your joy!