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What Does #MeToo Really Mean?

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SafetyNurse1968 has 20 years experience as a ADN, BSN, MSN, PhD and works as a Assistant Professor.

9 Followers; 36 Articles; 13,239 Visitors; 209 Posts

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This article (presented in two parts) discusses the #MeToo movement, including notes from a talk I attended by Tarana Burke, founder of the movement, as well as support and resources for nurses. This article acknowledges that nurses are often wounded warriors – providing services to those who have survived sexual assault and harassment while often being survivors themselves.

What Does #MeToo Really Mean?

BACK IN THE DAY

It all started on October 5, 2017 when actress Ashley Judd very publicly accused film executive Harvey Weinstein of sexual harassment. A few days later, actress Alyssa Milano tweeted, “If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet.” Social media was flooded with stories. I remember this, I tweeted. It was a big deal. But I didn’t realize the #MeToo movement began back in 2006.1 

NURSES TOO

Last Thursday night, I sat down in a room with almost 700 other humans to listen to Tarana Burke, the founder of the #MeToo Movement. Tarana has been at the forefront of the movement to support survivors and break the silence surrounding sexual assault. In recognition of her efforts, she was on the cover of Time Magazine back in 2017 as a person of the year. She was speaking at a fundraising event in my hometown to benefit the local rape crisis and prevention center. As I looked around, I wondered how many other people in the room were nurses. The kind of people drawn to nursing are often those who have been deeply hurt. Some of us seek healing and resolution in helping others. Nurses can be at the forefront of identifying survivors and supporting them through the healing process. Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE nurses) deal with sexual assault every day.2 Due to the sexualization of nurses in the media, nurses can be victims of sexual harassment from patients as well as supervisors and coworkers.3

IN THE CLUB

The #MeToo Movement isn’t a club anyone wants to belong to. However, the acknowledgement of survivorship, of the need to listen and believe survivors has made it easier to be in the club. For so long, sexual assault was a taboo subject for conversation, so survivors often felt alone and isolated. I know I did. I remember back in 1986, I had the courage to share what happened to me with my best friend in high school, but she was not equipped to handle that information, and my halting story of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of my stepfather was met with uncomfortable silence. That experience scarred me, and it took me a long time to find the courage to tell other people. The older I get, the stronger I am, and I am less afraid of how others will react. If they are uncomfortable, I try to remember that’s their problem (though I am aware that burdening a captive audience isn’t fair or right – I don’t share with my students unless it’s a very, very unusual circumstance -- in which sharing might provide healing). Fortunately, now that the #MeToo movement has happened, the taboo of sharing and the stigma of being a survivor have lessened a great deal, though they are still present. As a survivor of sexual assault, it is incredibly healing and uplifting to know I am not alone. Still, sexual assault is a touchy, uncomfortable topic, and I was nervous about what the speaker might say.

I BELIEVE YOU

I was immediately put at ease when Tarana started off by letting us know that there were staff present to support those struggling with the message. As the staff stood up and we all applauded, I choked up and tears sprang to my eyes (that cry was only the first of many). I’m actually tearing up now, thinking about how safe it felt to know that there are highly trained professionals around who are willing and ready to support survivors through a crisis. Ms. Burke also made a point of lifting us up with words of positivity, speaking of the gratitude, joy, beauty, healing and power to be found in the room. She said, “It’s not all about sadness, it’s about transformation. I am bearing witness to transformation.” Tarana gave us hope by saying, “We are here to talk about possibility of eradicating sexual violence. We are the mouthpiece and the voice. Carry the message.” (Second cry of the evening.)  

She gave us some historical perspective. After the #MeToo Movement exploded in 2017, there was a 26% increase in reports of sexual assault at our local rape crisis center. Did that mean a 26% increase in violence in my home town? No, it meant that a safe space for survivors to name what had happened to them had been created. In that space we said to each other, “I believe you, you didn’t deserve what happened, and we are here for you.” (Third cry of the night.)  

COMMITTED TO SOCIAL JUSTICE

Ms. Burke has spent 25 years of her life committed to social justice. She founded Just Be Inc, a nonprofit initially created for young women of color who survived sexual assault.4 Tarana spoke eloquently about the importance of putting the focus back on survivors, where it belongs saying, “We must center survivors.” Centering is a term that means giving focus and light to the folks who have been harmed, rather than to the people who have been the perpetrators. 

Ms. Burke also spoke about her heritage and how she was raised. Go to her website to learn more and do more 5. Tarana told us that during her childhood, sexual violence hadn’t been introduced as a social or racial issue. I can identify since she is only 5 years younger than I am. As we were growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, it wasn’t talked about at all.  By the time Tarana was in high school, she was already a survivor of sexual assault, yet she had told no one. She was just one of the 25% of girls and 17% of boys who are sexually abused in the U.S. before turning 18.6 She told us of a revelation she had while sitting in honors English, listening to a recording of Maya Angelou. Ms. Burke told us she ran out of the classroom crying because she said, “I heard conviction in her voice. She believed it. She believed she was phenomenal. I thought we shared a secret about how to fake it.” Before she heard Angelou’s voice, Tarana had thought, “I’ll be as good as Maya Angelou so the world won’t find out that I’m broken, but her voice sounded like she had figured out what joy felt like.” (Fourth cry of the night, a really deep one, so ridiculous, the kind where you cry so hard you make noise…I had snot running down my face.)

At the age of 21, while Tarana was leading a sharing session at an all-girl camp, a young girl who had been Ms. Burke’s problem child during that camp session came up to her and said “I’ve got something to tell you.” Ms. Burke described what happened next, “She then proceeded to describe what her mom’s boyfriend had done to her. It was probably 5 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. My body felt sick, lightheaded. I didn’t know what to say, what am I supposed to say right now, so scared, I’m not trained for this. She wouldn’t stop. I wanted to say me too, but I definitely wasn’t going to say that to this child. I cut her off and said, I can’t help you. I saw disappointment and sadness in her face. She put the tough girl act back on and walked away. I wish I had said me too, it would have been enough, it would have made a difference.” You can read more about this interaction here.7

That experience inspired Tarana to provide a safe space for that kind of talk, to invoke that kind of courage. She knew it had to be simple and it had to be enough. That’s when she started JustBeInc.4 

Ms. Burke talked about the difficulty with language. Children have no language to describe what hurts. “The words me too can open the conversation, but we had to give them the words to tell us what was wrong.” As the disclosures started coming in from children, she also started seeing messages from grown women saying Thank you for starting this. How can we get involved? Bring this to our community! Ms. Burke and her colleagues began to realize the adults didn’t have language or safe spaces either. They didn’t have people saying, “I see you and I believe you.” Ms. Burke said, “I knew what it was like to hold that knowledge in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to say, you’re not nasty, you’re not bad or fast, it’s not your fault and you’re not alone.” (Fifth cry of the evening.)

PART 2

This article is going long, so I just cut it in half and plopped the rest of it in part 2. Stay tuned to learn about how sexual violence is related to social injustice, statistics about sexual violence that will inspire you to do something, and how you can take action to eradicate sexual violence. I’ll also talk about some misconceptions about the #MeToo movement, accountability, the Violence Against Women Act and end with some inspiring words from Tarana Burke, my new hero.

REFERENCES

1.     MeToo: A Time Line of Events

2.     Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

3.     Sexual Assault in Nursing - Its More Common than You Think

4.     JustBe, Inc.

5.     Me Too - The Inception

6.     National Sexual Violence Resource Center

7.     Tarana Burke Talks to a Pittsburgh Crowd About the Roots of #MeToo

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Dr. Kristi Miller, aka Safety Nurse is an Assistant Professor of nursing at USC-Upstate and a Certified Professional in Patient Safety. She is also a mother of four who loves to write so much that she would probably starve if her phone didn’t remind her to take a break. Her work experiences as a hospital nurse make it easy to skip using the bathroom to get in just a few more minutes on the computer. She is obsessed with patient safety. Please read her blog, Safety Rules! on allnurses.com. You can also get free Continuing Education at www.safetyfirstnursing.com. In the guise of Safety Nurse, she is sending a young Haitian woman to nursing school and you can learn more about that adventure: https://www.gofundme.com/rose-goes-to-nursing-school

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HomeBound has 20 years experience.

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This is a great topic, SafetyNurse. I appreciate your thorough research and some light shed on how it effects us as nurses.

However. (isn't there always a caveat?)

I was discussing the decline of the attitudes in the "younger set"-and it includes younger nurses as well--that there seems to be this trend of "anything goes and nothing matters"---facebook posts of partying hard, bragging about being "wasted" and constant cleavage being shown. Instagram and Tumblr and all that.

Another nurse walked by (she's not a "girly girl" so keep this in mind) and commented on a unit secretary in her former workplace---who had the misfortune of being involved in the case of a male nurse who has been convicted of sexually assaulting several patients and co-workers, after drugging them first.

My co-worker rolled her eyes and said, regarding this unit secretary..."Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say she was a victim. She always was so flirty with him, always wearing revealing or "slutty" clothes to work, always joining in with the patting and touching with the group he was in. So no, I don't think I'd exactly call her a victim."

I was stunned. This man drugged and sexually assaulted these women, but this woman (she's 36) felt that "being flirty" and "wearing revealing clothing" somehow was this clerk asking to be raped.

This, unfortunately is the attitude not only of many men, but also of women. You deserve this, because of how you dress or if you flirt or even if you speak to men.

It's ironic because of this woman's "off time" job--she works with mostly men, in a traditionally "more sexist than average" type of position. She's straight, by the way--and she is constantly sucking up and hanging out with the men on our unit---engaging in the lewd and trashy talk that sometimes evolves at 3 a.m. with a bunch of guys.

It led me to start wondering about these sites like SugarDaddy.com and the like.

What are men supposed to believe or feel---when women sell themselves (this isn't porn. these women are, essentially, prostitutes)---in order to get ahead in life? Yeah, yeah...I know....there are gold diggers throughout time.

However---these young women (and men) post themselves online as "available for a price"---they're working their way through school (supposedly) or have a taste for the high life---and see absolutely nothing wrong with advertising themselves as open for anything---as long as they're being paid.

This is the society in which we live now. This is the soup in which the young men and women of today are being steeped. It's being perpetuated by (usually) older, wealthy men who see young women (and men) as nothing but a commodity.  The sugarbabies aren't disputing this, but encouraging it.

My coworker was just offensive---and I told her so. She was "do as I say, not as I do---I will judge you as slutty and promiscuous and deserving of sexual assault if you do the things that I do."  I had a family member say the same thing to me once---that I dared to walk into my own livingroom with pajamas on (while sick), lying on the couch watching tv---but a male family member was present in the house---so when he said something about my  boobs---it was my fault that he did this. I should have been fully dressed, possibly in a bourka?--in order to have prevented this *** from commenting on my body habitus.

What's not a surprise?  There is a #muslimmetoo movement going on---where women who are oppressed in all ways, especially in the way they dress, how they conduct themselves (never walking with anyone but a male family member), their activity (can't drive, can't date, can't choose a mate)---where these women are covered from head to toe.

Does it stop sexual assault? No.  It's the belief and the perpetuation of this belief, that women are objects. 

And guess who isn't helping. WOMEN. 

This is what's going on--what's on the ground, in the secret little circles and cliques---at high schools, in workplaces, in colleges--there are no boundaries and very little in the form of leadership.

Take a look at snapchat and instagram and watch these young girls (and guys) showing every square inch of their private selves---and then ask....what are men (and women) supposed to believe---is this woman (or man) offering themselves up? Or are they just attention seekers? Who makes the determination?

Look at the parents who purchased their kids' way into colleges--it's not different. They sold their kids to a college. The coaches and deans took this money in exchange for the arrogant and elitist parents to look good. If they wanted their kids to succeed---and the kid is capable---why have to PAY someone to take them?

This is our society--and it's not men only that are perpetuating this idea that someone "deserves" trashy treatment because they dress a certain way.

It's not okay. And I applaud the #metoo movement--it's a start. Sketchy behavior is never okay.  I let it out in a sideways manner that how I deal with people (coworkers) who act in an unprofessional manner?  I document. Document, document, document.  And then I don't confront these offensive people---I simply turn it in to HR and then on to the nursing board if necessary.

I don't mess with these people. I don't even object. I just let them ramble and give them enough rope. Then I hand that rope over to the people who can hang the offenders with it.

Consequences are the only thing that work with people who know no boundaries. Work is work. Just because I go to a bar for a beer after a hard day doesn't mean you get to approach me with a proposition to "go out back" (true story and has happened more than once. WHILE WEARING MY SCRUBS).  I get "dark humor" and that's a completely different animal than "trash talk" on the unit.

Sorry. Long.

Want people to have respect for you? Knock it off with the instagram cleavage shots. Knock it off with the snapchat suggestiveness. How about come to work and do your job--keep conversations professional.  We're not impressed. All it makes these people look like is cheap and easy.

Do I think this will eliminate these episodes? No. But I definitely love the label I have when it comes to any man (or woman) who calls me a "***" or a "tattletale"---because it means I have boundaries. Anybody who doesn't respect that? Aren't worthy of my friendship in the first place.

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TriciaJ has 37 years experience as a RN and works as a Retired.

10 Followers; 32,665 Visitors; 3,116 Posts

Great post, HomeBound.  I think we've come to confuse self-respect with moralizing.  No one ever deserves to be drugged and assaulted, just like no one ever deserves to be run over with a car.  But if you don't look both ways before you cross the street, you increase your likelihood of being run over.

Same goes for not being selective about the company you keep or the messages you send them.  By being open and trusting with people you don't know at all, you increase your risk of something bad happening.  Maintaining boundaries and behaving with a certain amount of decorum is not an issue of morality; it's an issue of safety.  Engaging in flirtation and trash talk in the workplace is unprofessional at best, dangerous at worst.

When people aren't taught what it means to show respect for themselves it's a slippery slope to being treated with gross disrespect by others.  The internet and social media have enabled a huge uptick in victims and perps.

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15 hours ago, HomeBound said:

This is a great topic, SafetyNurse. I appreciate your thorough research and some light shed on how it effects us as nurses.

However. (isn't there always a caveat?)

I was discussing the decline of the attitudes in the "younger set"-and it includes younger nurses as well--that there seems to be this trend of "anything goes and nothing matters"---facebook posts of partying hard, bragging about being "wasted" and constant cleavage being shown. Instagram and Tumblr and all that.

Another nurse walked by (she's not a "girly girl" so keep this in mind) and commented on a unit secretary in her former workplace---who had the misfortune of being involved in the case of a male nurse who has been convicted of sexually assaulting several patients and co-workers, after drugging them first.

My co-worker rolled her eyes and said, regarding this unit secretary..."Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say she was a victim. She always was so flirty with him, always wearing revealing or "slutty" clothes to work, always joining in with the patting and touching with the group he was in. So no, I don't think I'd exactly call her a victim."

I was stunned. This man drugged and sexually assaulted these women, but this woman (she's 36) felt that "being flirty" and "wearing revealing clothing" somehow was this clerk asking to be raped.

This, unfortunately is the attitude not only of many men, but also of women. You deserve this, because of how you dress or if you flirt or even if you speak to men.

It's ironic because of this woman's "off time" job--she works with mostly men, in a traditionally "more sexist than average" type of position. She's straight, by the way--and she is constantly sucking up and hanging out with the men on our unit---engaging in the lewd and trashy talk that sometimes evolves at 3 a.m. with a bunch of guys.

It led me to start wondering about these sites like SugarDaddy.com and the like.

What are men supposed to believe or feel---when women sell themselves (this isn't porn. these women are, essentially, prostitutes)---in order to get ahead in life? Yeah, yeah...I know....there are gold diggers throughout time.

However---these young women (and men) post themselves online as "available for a price"---they're working their way through school (supposedly) or have a taste for the high life---and see absolutely nothing wrong with advertising themselves as open for anything---as long as they're being paid.

This is the society in which we live now. This is the soup in which the young men and women of today are being steeped. It's being perpetuated by (usually) older, wealthy men who see young women (and men) as nothing but a commodity.  The sugarbabies aren't disputing this, but encouraging it.

My coworker was just offensive---and I told her so. She was "do as I say, not as I do---I will judge you as slutty and promiscuous and deserving of sexual assault if you do the things that I do."  I had a family member say the same thing to me once---that I dared to walk into my own livingroom with pajamas on (while sick), lying on the couch watching tv---but a male family member was present in the house---so when he said something about my  boobs---it was my fault that he did this. I should have been fully dressed, possibly in a bourka?--in order to have prevented this *** from commenting on my body habitus.

What's not a surprise?  There is a #muslimmetoo movement going on---where women who are oppressed in all ways, especially in the way they dress, how they conduct themselves (never walking with anyone but a male family member), their activity (can't drive, can't date, can't choose a mate)---where these women are covered from head to toe.

Does it stop sexual assault? No.  It's the belief and the perpetuation of this belief, that women are objects. 

And guess who isn't helping. WOMEN. 

This is what's going on--what's on the ground, in the secret little circles and cliques---at high schools, in workplaces, in colleges--there are no boundaries and very little in the form of leadership.

Take a look at snapchat and instagram and watch these young girls (and guys) showing every square inch of their private selves---and then ask....what are men (and women) supposed to believe---is this woman (or man) offering themselves up? Or are they just attention seekers? Who makes the determination?

Look at the parents who purchased their kids' way into colleges--it's not different. They sold their kids to a college. The coaches and deans took this money in exchange for the arrogant and elitist parents to look good. If they wanted their kids to succeed---and the kid is capable---why have to PAY someone to take them?

This is our society--and it's not men only that are perpetuating this idea that someone "deserves" trashy treatment because they dress a certain way.

It's not okay. And I applaud the #metoo movement--it's a start. Sketchy behavior is never okay.  I let it out in a sideways manner that how I deal with people (coworkers) who act in an unprofessional manner?  I document. Document, document, document.  And then I don't confront these offensive people---I simply turn it in to HR and then on to the nursing board if necessary.

I don't mess with these people. I don't even object. I just let them ramble and give them enough rope. Then I hand that rope over to the people who can hang the offenders with it.

Consequences are the only thing that work with people who know no boundaries. Work is work. Just because I go to a bar for a beer after a hard day doesn't mean you get to approach me with a proposition to "go out back" (true story and has happened more than once. WHILE WEARING MY SCRUBS).  I get "dark humor" and that's a completely different animal than "trash talk" on the unit.

Sorry. Long.

Want people to have respect for you? Knock it off with the instagram cleavage shots. Knock it off with the snapchat suggestiveness. How about come to work and do your job--keep conversations professional.  We're not impressed. All it makes these people look like is cheap and easy.

Do I think this will eliminate these episodes? No. But I definitely love the label I have when it comes to any man (or woman) who calls me a "***" or a "tattletale"---because it means I have boundaries. Anybody who doesn't respect that? Aren't worthy of my friendship in the first place.

I am a Man.  This is quite possible the most clear and concise thing I have read on this website in a long time. 

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CalicoKitty has 6 years experience as a BSN, RN and works as a Med-Surg Nurse.

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On 3/25/2019 at 7:49 PM, HomeBound said:

Want people to have respect for you? Knock it off with the instagram cleavage shots. Knock it off with the snapchat suggestiveness. How about come to work and do your job--keep conversations professional.  We're not impressed. All it makes these people look like is cheap and easy.

I agree with the keep work professional.

On the other hand, the rest of your posts seems to alternate between women shouldn't be judged for what they wear and women should be judged for what they wear.

Who cares what a woman posts on instagram or wears? We're born naked. Our adornment of our bodies with plants, animals and petroleum products (clothing) doesn't change us. 

Men and women may need some re-education on what words are and what actions are. Women need to feel empowered to say No (or yes), and men need to stop pushing boundaries. Clothes or no clothes.

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Luckyyou has 8 years experience as a BSN, RN and works as a RN, CCRN.

15,834 Visitors; 452 Posts

I can be as “cheap and easy” as it comes, post entirely nude shots on my Instagram and Snapchat and still not deserve to be sexually harassed, assaulted or raped. Stop blaming women for men not respecting us. 

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Asystole RN works as a Vascular Access Specialist.

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10 hours ago, Luckyyou said:

I can be as “cheap and easy” as it comes, post entirely nude shots on my Instagram and Snapchat and still not deserve to be sexually harassed, assaulted or raped. Stop blaming women for men not respecting us. 

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lets not be sexist. As a male nurse I can personally attest to the fact that female on male sexual harassment is alive and well.

Sexual harassment does not discriminate. 

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HomeBound has 20 years experience.

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16 hours ago, Luckyyou said:

I can be as “cheap and easy” as it comes, post entirely nude shots on my Instagram and Snapchat and still not deserve to be sexually harassed, assaulted or raped. Stop blaming women for men not respecting us. 

I'm not blaming, if you interpreted my statement(s) reiterating---

WHAT ARE MEN AND WOMEN SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE when others put themselves out there "entirely nude shots on <their> instagram and snapchats".

You don't get to have it both ways, honey. If you want to act like a prostitute--well, less than, because if you put it out there for free, at least hookers and sugarbabies seem to charge for access--then you cannot be shocked when someone disrespects you and acts as if you are cheap. And easy.

I, for one, don't particularly care for the idea that some strange guy is wanking to my "entirely nude shot on instagram and snapchat", whether or not it translates into them actually harassing me or not.

It's about self g********n  respect. Get some.

So yeah. I do have a problem with the showing it all for free and then saying---you can't wank to my pictures or get it into your head that I am free and cheap and easy. Because you are, technically, announcing that you are both.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.  It's stupid, and it's demeaning of all women, everywhere---because we get to put up with the fallout that's stirred up by Miss Must Show It All to the Universe and the mixed messages she sends.

My point was that BOTH men AND women are getting mixed messages and full on barrages of them---what should self respecting people DO? There are no rules or boundaries anymore, and when one of these confused young people (and sometimes not so young) gets the wrong idea because your daughter decided to put a crotch shot on instagram for the world to see---and she gets a whole crapton of attention she didn't bargain for---maybe a sicko stalker creep to boot?

Are you actually going to sit there and defend a 14 year olds' "right" to paste her privates all over the internet and be taken seriously when it comes time....oh....for college? or a job? or marriage to a good guy?

You seem to think that everybody has some sort of radar and gauge that tells them that "hey, this girl is just an exhibitionist" or "whatevs...this guy's dic pic pasted all over is just ....a joke (and not a form of sexual predation)"---

Put your clothes on, act like an adult, keep your privates to yourself. Explaining yourself to your grandkids or your neighbors or your employer---wow what a pleasing idea just for the "right to post my nude bad*** selfie in the bathroom with the toilet in the background" on snapchat.

Honestly....no self respecting person gives a crap what your boobs or crotch looks like---and the people that do---are the ones that everyone's screaming about with the #MeToo movement. The pervs. The sickos. The predators.

Stop feeding the beast and you starve the beast.

And that goes for you guys with the unsolicited penis shots. Not impressed. It's not a turn on and it simply screams..."PSYCHO" and "DESPERATE".

 

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HomeBound has 20 years experience.

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19 hours ago, CalicoKitty said:

I agree with the keep work professional.

On the other hand, the rest of your posts seems to alternate between women shouldn't be judged for what they wear and women should be judged for what they wear.

Who cares what a woman posts on instagram or wears? We're born naked. Our adornment of our bodies with plants, animals and petroleum products (clothing) doesn't change us. 

Men and women may need some re-education on what words are and what actions are. Women need to feel empowered to say No (or yes), and men need to stop pushing boundaries. Clothes or no clothes.

You misunderstood. That's not what I said, nor what I meant.

My co-worker was the one who blatantly said that this clerk "deserved" to be judged and also to have been sexually assaulted, because of her dressing style.

I did not, even once, say that women should be judged for the clothes that they wear. I said that  if a woman OR A MAN puts themselves out there on social media for the global population to evaluate---do NOT expect to have a whole lot of respect thrown your way.

I don't care what society "SHOULD BE". Society is what it is---and normal, healthy men AND women react to nude and PERSONAL images in a sexual way.

Women do say no. As men do. My comments are for those men AND women who feel that it's all okay for them to paste their privates for every perv to see and drool over---and not expect ANYBODY to react to it....well.....other than to tell them just how stunning and unbelievable they are. When the attention turns ugly---then you hear the protests begin.

YOU CAN'T TREAT ME LIKE A SEX OBJECT says the girl who just got done posting the 600th cleavage shot to her "4,000 friends" on facebook.

YOU CAN'T TREAT ME LIKE A JERK says the guy who mass texts his penis to women he barely knows.

Yeah, I can. And I'm really happy to say---that as a manager, I looked at that stupid crap on snapchat and instagram---and the applicant never knew about it---but IN THE BIN is where that application went---and I made d***n sure I made a few phone calls about Miss Show It All and her Drunken Gropey Boyfriend in Cancun.

I don't want my mother or my grandpa being taken care of by someone with such poor judgement skills---that they cannot tell the difference between PRIVATE  and PROFESSIONAL.

It's not "all women's fault". I said that women are not HELPING THE SITUATION.

You want respect? Act respectable. Not like some porn star (well, at least porn stars get paid for showing their goods).

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CalicoKitty has 6 years experience as a BSN, RN and works as a Med-Surg Nurse.

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My parents are/were hippies. I didn't grow up being told to be ashamed of my body. I grew up going to nudist camps. Not long ago (~150 years, in the US), most "Moral" women wore head coverings, ankle-length dresses, full neck collars and long-sleeves. My mom went to school when skirts were still required (and rulers to knees about length) and men weren't allowed to have hair touching their collars. There are still many "religious" folks in this country and others that insist on telling men and women how to dress, and "judging" accordingly.

There are women today being literally legally flogged for standing too close to a man.

Sure "making phone calls" and "throwing their resume in the bin" isn't the same thing as flogging, but it does help facilitate the same system that tells women they are responsible for the actions of others. Do you also bin resumes of men that are shown shirt-less during their activities on their own time?

If a person is walking down the street with an expensive watch, should they "expect" to be robbed? Why should someone's matter of dress be responsible for someone else's actions?

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HomeBound has 20 years experience.

1 Follower; 920 Visitors; 191 Posts

There's a reason it's a crime to yell "fire" in a crowded theater.

Nobody said "be ashamed of your body". Never. Not once.

Decorum. Look it up. There's a time and place.

Absolutely. I threw anybody in the bin that made their bad judgement public. You can do whatever you want in the privacy of your home--I don't give a rat's rump.

The microsecond you flaunt this crap for the entire world to see---I don't want your sexual harassment baiting behind on my staff. I also didn't consider any man who would act in a similar manner.

You are using a very disturbing fallacy---a false equivalency. There is NO comparison between a WATCH and a 14 year old's crotch. (that rhymes. I think that might catch on)

Male sexual response is primarily VISUAL. Geezus. Are you sure you're a nurse? Women are different---but they are being shaped and molded--by their peers, social media and even their parents (see selling their kids to a college to make themselves look good)---to act in the most outlandish and risque ways---in order to call attention to themselves. MEN AND WOMEN.

Well---then be prepared for the attention---both positive AND negative.

The real problem with you is that you only want the flower child "everything is just natural and wonderful" delusion--where no man ever takes it the wrong way when you walk down the street with shorts up your ying yang and a top down to your ying yang.

Because men are VISUAL. Just because you don't WANT a man to look at your "entirely nude body on snapchat" and have a reaction you might not like---doesn't make it realistic.

Just because I CAN do it, doesn't make it a good fricking idea. Use some common sense, FCS.

 You can be as proud of your booty as you like. I don't want to see it. I also will not hire you when all of my male patients already have seen your proudness on snapchat....and am now dealing with YOUR BAD JUDGEMENT.

Yeah. I can do that---and the majority of employers do it as well. YOU ARE A LIABILITY---whether your flowerchild hippy mom told you different or not.

How you WANT society to be (read: change human nature) isn't how reality works.

I won't hire you and nor will most of the managers I know. Whether you're a man, or a woman. Doesn't matter. You show me that you can't maintain a sense of decorum in PUBLIC---where you feel SUCH A DESPERATE NEED to show your crotch to dirty old men in Germany---I don't want you in my unit causing nothing but trouble---because this is your decision making ability.are

No one wants some porn star wannabe in their department and the whole town finding out. I don't care whether you think this has something to do with "religiosity" (I am agnostic, just to be clear). It has to do with the FACT that Wives don't really care for the idea that their husbands, who have been admitted to the hospital for a serious problem---are being taken care of by Hooter Girl who spends all her free time showing it for free---or Fathers who take their teenaged daughter to the ER only to be taken care of by Gropy McDicPic.

Don't care if you don't like it. If you want to be employed, you act like a professional. You're not going to bring your personal problems into my unit. Which is exactly what this behavior does---attracts, encourages and enhances the behaviors that #MeToo is trying to combat.

You know....at least porn stars and hookers have the sense to charge for their goods---yes, they're all easy---some not so cheap, some are---but they're smart.

Which, when you think about it---when someone puts all their goods out there for free---makes them cheap, easy, and stupid.

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CalicoKitty has 6 years experience as a BSN, RN and works as a Med-Surg Nurse.

1 Follower; 15,371 Visitors; 616 Posts

2 minutes ago, HomeBound said:

Which, when you think about it---when someone puts all their goods out there for free---makes them cheap, easy, and stupid.

My "goods" are not my body, free, sold or rented. Separation of work and recreation is important. Feeling confident and secure about ones own body does not make a person stupid.

Most men can keep their hands to themselves, no matter what women are wearing. Saying that because a man is "visual" is like saying they aren't responsible for their actions.

We, as nurses/techs (including the males), often care for patients in various states of undress, with the majority of our patients wearing a thin revealing gown. We are professionals, and are expected to act that way at work.

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