(Very Long)Might have to drop out of school DAYCARE

[LoveMyBugs, BSN, CNA, RN]

I have a daycare provider that I have being taking my boys to for the last four years. My sons are 5&7. My 5 year old has been diagnosed as being "educationaly autistic", as his neroulogists says that he is too high functioning that he may be able to test out of the label.

Two days ago my son was at the daycare (in home) and another little boy was standing infront of the TV, and my son told him to move and when the little boy did not and my son went and shoved him. My son probbly had about 20lbs on this little boy so he was pushed very hard, and he fell and hit his head on the table, and his ear was split open on the back side of it, requiring 5 stiches.

Thankful the mother of the little boy is my best friend and we have known each other for more than twently years and was very understanding, and forgiving and the little boy will be fine and our frienship is not in any danager.

The problem is with my daycare, she has been watching my son for four years now and knows his quirks. She is upset that my son didnt show remores right away after it happened, as she told him that this was very serious and that he hurt his friend,and thatshe was not happy with him and that his mommy would not be happy with him, he became more aggitatted and upset and begain yelling at the babysitter, she then put him in time out and he began to throw things and slamed the door shut. Things clamed down as he had to go to school. My daycare now has told me that she no longer feels that she can have my son in her home.

I feel that kids to shove and push each other, and because he hit his head it made the sistuation bad, but what made it worse was my sons reaction, due do his abibltys to cope in stressful sistuations and he is not a "normal child" his reactions are differant. This is the first incident that we have had.

My problem is I have no one to care for him as I am a single mom working my way through school. If I lose my daycare I will have to drop out of school as I dont have anyone to care for him. I have family around, but they all work during the day and state paid daycare would not cover enough for someone to stop working to watch him.

Im sorry this is so long, Does anyone have any daycare suggestions?

[nursepearl]

As a single mom myself, i can really feel for you.

If it is after school care that is needed, i would look into the YMCA or boys&girls club. Also, my sons school offers after school care. If he needs care before and after school maybe you can find a friend whos child goes to the same school and trade child care.

I am sorry about situation....I hope things work out!

[clee1]

You might also try any of the larger churches in your area; many have daycare and/or afterschool programs.

[LoveMyBugs, BSN, CNA, RN]

Currently he is in ESD on tuesday and thursdays and Headstart Mon-Wens-Fri. Which are all afternoon programs. Unfortantaly I need daycare in the morning prior to him going to school. My problem is because he dosent have a medical diagnoses of autism and only an educational dignoses I think that he might be uneligable for social security respite care. Thing is he is is normally a happy go luckly guy. What really hurst is that he has been in her home for four years and she knows him and from this one incident she has given up on my child.

[rehab nurse]

i'm also a single mom, and i know it's hard.

my dd is 5 and also has some problems like your son. is there any way you can speak to your daycare provider and ask her if she would reconsider? does she know about your sons neuro problems and that as a result, he won't always act the way other kids do? does she know that the little boys mom is your best friend?

i could see if maybe she had a complaint from another parent, but since she hasn't, maybe she could reconsider watching him. why was she so upset about him not acting "remorseful"? i can really see it from both ways, but my only suggestion would be for you to speak with her. give him another chance.

in my area, our schools offer before and after school care. i really feel for you, i know how hard it is to be a single mom and need reliable child care, and have one with some neuro problems, as well. i hope you find a solution.

[RaggedyRN]

Hi Ivana,

My DD is diagnosed PDD (Pervasive Development Disorder), some docs call it high functioning Autism. I feel your pain. I suggest you apply for social security for your son. If you are denied they will allow for your son to receive medical access. (That's what they do in Pennsylvania.. most states do the same or something similar)..Medical access includes health care, dental care, and MENTAL health coverage. Through the mental health department your son will be tested and give a diagnosis. This label will enable your son to receive many support services such as physical therapy, occupational therapy, a speech pathologist (who will help with social situations), a behaviorist, and even wrap around services. The wrap around service provides an aide to work with your child at home and at school. We used wrap around when my DD went from preschool to kindergarten. The familiar face from home to school really helped the transition go much more smoothly than anticipated. I know this won't help your immediate needs with daycare but will benefit you and your son in the future. I've met many people in my small town who's children have very similar diagnosis and we are a great support to one another. Larger towns have Autism support groups...they are a wealth of knowledge for services and therapeutic activities. Maybe you'll meet people who can be just as supportive of you and you can swap babysitting services. It's always a challenge getting babysitters for these children and it's a great feeling knowing they are with someone who "gets" them.

Any questions feel free to PM me.

Good Luck and God Bless you and your little ones:icon_hug:

[CarVsTree]

...

[babynurselsa, RN]

Ivana,

I am so sorry for your situation.

Take a look at it from her pov. If this happens under her care SHE is the one liable. Should this occur again with another child whose mother you do not know she may not be so understanding.

I think she is just trying to do what she thinks is best for her own interests and the other children in her care.

Check with your local school system, and the local Health dept. I know that Okla has the Sooner start program that makes many services available to kids with developmental needs. Good luck to you.

[PANurseRN1]

That's true. Had he hurt another child, that parent's child could have held her liable and possibly sued. You were fortunate that it happened to the child of one of your friends, and that your friend was so understanding.

Just looking at it from the provider's perspective.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Having had a kid on the receiving end of injury in daycare, I can see the other side. Perhaps you can find a daycare more amenable and with fewer providers to children ratio to go to???? I ended up putting my son in a certified/licensed home daycare w/a good friend cause he kept coming home bitten or bruised and little was done about it. And Lisa mentioned something very valuable: the Sooner Start Program. DO look into it.

Best wishes and hang in there.

[kukukajoo, LPN]

I have worked daycare for many years and have had several autistic and similar children, my boss welcomes them and has a reputation of being able to take the kids thrown out of other places for "behavior" issues when in fact it is a staff training issue.

When working with someone who is not educated on the issues and ideosyncracies, it can be difficult and I find myself teaching the teacher a lot. Sometimes on the playground when classes are mixed we will have a problem with a staff person trying to handle a situation without knowing the proper way and this becomes troublesome.

For instance, autistic kids seeem to like "Collections" or always having something. It could be a little matchbox car or even a shovel on the playground. When the kid tries to take ALL the shovels, he does not know better and will respond differently than another child. You can't just walk up and tell "jonny" to give it back as that does not work!! telling them it is wrong and expecting a sorry is not realistic!

Okay I am getting off my point here. I think I am trying to say that I think that there is a better place out there for your child and please, please look for that place. Be open and honest to prospective providers and you may be pleasantly surprised and find one with compassion and understanding for your child and his uniqueness.

I have a funny feeling this will turn into a blessing for you even though it may not seem so now.

Also please pursue the SSA and other avenues and please talk to your childs doc about the issues that have come up- he/she may have some suggestions or be able to offer more assistance.

Good luck and keep your chin up!

[LoveMyBugs, BSN, CNA, RN]

Thank you all for your responses. I have had a talk with my daycare, and now that she has seen the other little boy after he had the stiches in, she has let my son contiune to go to her home. I sat down with my son and my daycare and explained that she has the authority when he is in her home, which he seems to understand.