Unreasonable family members in the nursing home?

kappykatlpn · Nov 17, 2009

I have been a lpn in LTC for 8 years, before that I was a CENA for 7 years. Sad to say you will always run into families like that. I have had families believe EVERYTHING they have been told by their mom or dad, even though the resident barely remebers their name due to Alzheimers! You just want to yell at them that their relative is crazy and think they are also for believing them!!!! But I bite my tongue and go with it. But the good families and residents out way the bad. Just remember why you became a nurse and why you are there and do the best you can do.

Boog'sCRRN246, RN · Nov 17, 2009

"A resident's son angrily comes to the nurse and says, "my mother has been needing to go to the bathroom for an hour!"

So rather than attempting to help his mother himself, he let her sit there. :icon_roll

Reminds me of Saturday at work when a patient's husband sat next to her breakfast tray all morning, reading the paper and watching TV, then when lunch came around wanted to know why no one had come in to feed her.

twins2005 · Nov 17, 2009

Those people are the ones I hope end up being in a nursing home. I worked as a CNA for over 18 years and dealt with that kind of family all the time. I imagine it comes from the guilt of having mom or pop in a home to begin with, or maybe 'cause mom & pop's $$ is being spent instead of son/daughter getting it after they die!

I'll never forget the day that a family member came up and asked why mom had to wait to be brought to the dining room for lunch, he was kind of ****** off that meanwhile a coworker was in cardiac arrest! He had the gall to say "Well, that was great timing!"

Ruthiegal · Nov 17, 2009

LTC for some is like putting mom in a resort spa....they think you should paint their toenails. I had one of those Mom's as a resident. The aide got her up to the bathroom, and back to bed, and a minute later the light comes on, I was near the room so I popped in to see what was needed.... She is lying in bed, with arms that work perfectly.... and said " please straighten my necklace" That made the whole night complete!!!!!

It has been and always will be a problem with some in LTC. You just have to keep smiling!

noahsmama · Nov 17, 2009

I hate to say it, but this problem is not limited to LTC. I work in peds, and we get crazy, unreasonably demanding families all the time. Families that seem to think that they've checked into a 5-star hotel and are mad that the service doesn't meet their expectations. Families that will let their kid sit in their own poop rather than changing them or putting the call light on, and who are then upset when the kid gets a diaper rash. Families that expect you to read their minds. Families that are upset that their kid got their dose of tylenol 15 minutes "late". I could go on, but you get the picture.

Thankfully, most of our families are not like that. As for the demanding families, I do what they want as much as I can (e.g., make sure the tylenol is on time or early, as long as I don't have another patient with a higher priority need), but when I can't meet their (unreasonable) expectations, I pretty much just ignore the complaints and just give their family member the care that they actually need to the best of my ability.

sasha2lady · Nov 17, 2009

This is a forever deal. These types of people will never change. We had one lady whos daughter threw a royal fit b/c the aides took her to the shower and didnt shave her pits or legs...now mind you this pt is demented as they come and could care less about her faint and almost non existent leg hair. She took her home and when a doctor told her to take her back that she couldnt care for her home they actually accepted her back to our facility along with that complaining daughter. She is still complaining..always about stupid stuff. If I had been in mgmt she would not have been accepted back. Its all about money...most places dont really screen residents well before they take them..if theres a dollar to be earned...they say come on in. My unit has a few families that used to realllllly drive me insane but over the past 3 yrs we have gotten used to each other and its gotten better. Now...with rehab residents.....thats a whole different story....there is a daily complaint on that unit from someone. They usually come in with some unrealistic expectations and fail to realize that mom is at a facility with 60 plus other people who all need the same thing at the same time with only a limited amount of hands and legs to get it done. Mom is the only person there in their minds.

swifty1031 · Nov 17, 2009

I so agree with the poster that tis problem is not limited to LTAC. I work on an acute care floor with occasional med-surg pts. I just want to scream when we get that concerned family member who can't push the button on the bed to raise the head but can walk all the way to the nurses station to complain that the nurse did not come in to sit dear old mom/dad up so they could eat. This past weekend a lady came to the station(I was charging) to complain that no one showed up to feed her dad and she had been sitting there waiting on the nurse to feed him and his food was cold. I explained to her that if the nurse sees an able bodied family member sitting in the room with the pt she assumes that the pt has help. She said well I can't believe if this is the kind of service we are going to get then I am going to take him to another hospital. It took every ounce of professionalism I have to not respond!!!

Just one more... my friend had a pt walk to the nurses station to complain that no one had come to put her on the bedpan! There are so many more, I could write a book:)

Plagueis · Nov 17, 2009

"[
Reminds me of Saturday at work when a patient's husband sat next to her breakfast tray all morning, reading the paper and watching TV, then when lunch came around wanted to know why no one had come in to feed her.

It's frustrating to me when this happens, too. Especially when many nursing homes are short-staffed, and could use the help of a family member to feed. However, at the LTC facility where I'm at now, staff members are the ones who are responsible for feeding residents, so technically, family members, even if they are capable of doing so, should not be feeding their mother/father. I've also heard about other facilities that also require staff members to feed residents who cannot feed themselves. I assume the facilities want "trained" people to feed residents, in order to reduce the risk of choking? :confused:

Schmoo1022 · Nov 17, 2009

I have had families like this and worse. I had one..who was a nursing student, who wrote down everything. How many times the nurses were in, how often the CNA's came in and for how long. I always felt she would get her payback. I try my very best, if I can get someone to the commode safely alone I will, if it's a blanket or water I will get it. The facility doesn't not ever want us to say we are short, but even when we aren't short, there are more residents than CNAs. Someone always is going to have to wait a bit. I also try to let the resident and family know how long it will be until someone will be with them. No matter how hard you try there will always be someone unhappy.

proudnurseRN · Nov 17, 2009

Families that will let their kid sit in their own poop rather than changing them or putting the call light on, and who are then upset when the kid gets a diaper rash. Families that expect you to read their minds. Families that are upset that their kid got their dose of tylenol 15 minutes "late". I could go on, but you get the picture.

Wow. You know, when it comes to my dad, I have to admit I'd have reservations about helping him with a urinal or a bedpan. If I had to do it, I would, but that's something I would prefer staff to do. Too weird for me.

However, when my son was in the hospital I was changing him, bathing him, feeding him, giving him oral meds (ie Tylenol), entertaining him. One he had a diaper overfill and got the bed wet, and asked for linens to change the bed. As his mom it was my job. (the nurses didn't let me though. I think they said something along the lines of "when was the last time you slept? Go to sleep.")

flashpoint · Nov 17, 2009

"A resident's son angrily comes to the nurse and says "my mother has been needing to go to the bathroom for an hour![/i']"

So rather than attempting to help his mother himself, he let her sit there. :icon_roll

Reminds me of Saturday at work when a patient's husband sat next to her breakfast tray all morning, reading the paper and watching TV, then when lunch came around wanted to know why no one had come in to feed her.

Well...yeah. My parents would be furious if I even attempted to help them go to the bathroom...they have told me many times that they do not want me to care for them...when the time comes, they would rather go to a nursing home..and not one that I work at. It's just a different level of comfort for different people. I do wonder why he didn't put the call light on though...even if he thinks we should check in every few minutes, you would think he could put on the light if his mom needed something.

As far as families feeding a resident...again, I think it has a lot to do with level of comfort. Maybe she choked once when he was feeding her at home or maybe he just isn't comfortable for some reason...or maybe she doesn't like it. Either way, staff should never expect families to provide care unless they want to or are able to.