The personal questions patients ask - sorry need to vent

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Specializes in ER,Neurology, Endocrinology, Pulmonology.

I came home really upset the other day by how absolutely insensitive patients and their families can be. I'm sure this is probably my fault, because I am very friendly and nice ( most of the time) so people feel comofrtable talking to me about pretty much anything. I used to work on the floor, where the turn around of patients was not that great comparing to the ER. Downstairs is a different story.

I get multiple questions on daily basis regarding were I'm from, how long I've been here, etc. because of my accent - that i can not hide or change, but then it seems not enough and they ask me about my parents. This is a sore subject, because I have lived on my own since I was 15, my father was not there and my mother neglected me and sometimes abused me since I was 9. I haven't seen her in 14 years since I left Moscow and the last thing I want to discuss are my feelings for her and what her life is like a psych unit. Even though I say that I don't want to talk about it, this is not enough. People continue to dig.

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Another problem is when I don't understand what the person is trying to tell me, because they are actually not very smart or funny, they blame it on lack of my English skills, even though I finished college in the US with honors.

They ask me if I am a mail-order bride,( after they question me about my wedding ring), which is also insulting. And no, I am not. I met my husband at work.

Then there comes the religion problem. People feel absolutely compelled to ask me if I am Jewish or a Russian Orthodox and i am neither, because even though I tried "welcoming Jesus into my life " during the nightmare Of my childhood it just never happened. So, then the people feel it is OK to say to me how I am going to go to hell, that i need to pray and go to church. These attacks on my right to believe or not, come exclusively from the white poplulation. Never have I had an ethnic individual impose thier views on me with such vengence.

And all of this is happening while I am trying to whipe this person's butt or be sympathetic to their abdominal pain or chest pain and it is VERY hard to do after someone just tore me apart. I tried lying, but people do not stop with questions even then.

I try to get out of the patients room quickly now or to reverse the questions at them, so they stop bothering me, but it only works some of the time.

Thanks for lettting me vent.

Nat

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Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.

((((Nat)))) sorry that your childhood has affected you so.

Perhaps you could simply say... "were here to talk about you not me " with a smile and deflect the questions altogether. many times it is only the pts way to connect when they are fearful.

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Specializes in Psych, Med/Surg, Home Health, Oncology.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Nat)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

:icon_hug::icon_hug:

I;m so sorry for you!! People can really be cruel!!

I agree with Mary about trying the we're here to talk about you & just be firm & not talk about yourself; keep turning it back on them!!

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Specializes in ICU/ER.

Anagray, just because they ask does not mean you need to tell the truth!!!. You could have some fun with the personal questions. Maybe you could tell people your parents came here in 1978 to spy on the govt and were killed in the line of duty thus the govt gave you a full ride scholarship.

Or your parents came here with the Soviet circus and you escaped in the night with the handsome lion tamer Raul.

I too have crazy parents, have not seen them in years and am a better person and mother because of it. When people ask about my parents I simply say, "oh they live in Nebraska and I dont get to see them much" then I immediately change the topic to how much I love the town I am in now, and gee can you believe the snow?

When the topic of religion comes up, you can say. "oh your church sounds wonderful, I work almost every Sunday so it is hard for me to get to church, but God understands--dont you think"

or I work in a hospital, I see gods miracles every day. No one can argue with that!!!

Good luck.....

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

I always reply: "this visit is about you, not me. Now...what needs to be done for YOU." I absolutely refuse to engage in personal questions.

As an aside, I have crossed eyes and when I'm tired, its even worse. I constantly get quite rude questions. I just say that I can see well enough to care for them and let it go.

Refusing to engage in questions, usually shuts up the rude ones.

I'm terribly sorry that this has upset you but certainly understand. Take care.

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Specializes in Assisted Living Nurse Manager.
Anagray, just because they ask does not mean you need to tell the truth!!!. You could have some fun with the personal questions. Maybe you could tell people your parents came here in 1978 to spy on the govt and were killed in the line of duty thus the govt gave you a full ride scholarship.

Or your parents came here with the Soviet circus and you escaped in the night with the handsome lion tamer Raul.

I too have crazy parents, have not seen them in years and am a better person and mother because of it. When people ask about my parents I simply say, "oh they live in Nebraska and I dont get to see them much" then I immediately change the topic to how much I love the town I am in now, and gee can you believe the snow?

When the topic of religion comes up, you can say. "oh your church sounds wonderful, I work almost every Sunday so it is hard for me to get to church, but God understands--dont you think"

or I work in a hospital, I see gods miracles every day. No one can argue with that!!!

Good luck.....

:yeahthat:

Exactly what I would do!!!

Racing-mom4 you must be quite the story teller:lol2:

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Specializes in ICU of all kinds, CVICU, Cath Lab, ER..

All good advice. I certainly sympathize; some people I work with sound off to the patient (loudly, no less) about EVERYTHING... I find it embarrassing. (One RN invited a prisoner and guard to witness her baptism in the ocean last year). I just didn't know what to say to my patients...they all heard it and asked me about it. Curtains between the stretchers do not "absorb" sounds!

I have a neuro problem and when I am tired, I seem to be limping.. my patients ask me about it. I usually brush it off with a joke.

This web site is a great place to vent - know that we are here for you.

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Specializes in Trauma ICU, MICU/SICU.

WOW!!! ((((Nat))))

I'm so sorry that ppl are so rude to you. I agree with other posters. Definitely turn the conversation back to them, with a big smile on your face.

I had a gangbanger that was in with either a GSW or a stabbing (don't remember - too many) who asked me where my daughter goes to school. I told him, "I'm sorry, but I don't give out personal information to my patients." He looked a little dumbfounded, even a little put off, but it stopped the personal questions.

Again, if you tell them you don't give out personal information and they continue to press, say it again and turn the conversation back to them. "I'm sorry, as I've stated before, I don't give personal information to my patients. So, how is your pain now? Did the morphine help?"

I find that telling patients that you don't give personal information to "patients" re-establishes the professional relationship. Reminds the patient that despite the fact I'm giving intimate care, wiping butts, etc. this is not a personal relationship but a professional one. I may be friendly, but please don't confuse that with friendship.

Hope all the great advice you've received on this board helps.

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Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

{{{{Nat}}}}

I agree with the suggestions you've already gotten. You'll find the phrasing that works for you to keep the small talk friendly but professional and not prying.

I've had personal questions that I've deflected in a similar manner to what TraumaRUs and CarVsTree have suggested. 90% of the time it works, and the other 10% are with patients with problematic personalities anyway.

Hang in there!

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Specializes in M/S, dialysis, home health, SNF.

I especially warm to the idea of the spy parents, or the circus parents. Maybe because like you, I didn't have a childhood or parents I want to talk about.

You mentioned that these people get into topics of religion. Unfortunately, there are a number of people (typically white) who feel it's their duty to tell everyone who doesn't buy into their religious ideas that they're wrong and will go to hell.

I generally ignore them (I used to be one of them, but I grew up and started thinking for myself) and change the subject.

I do frequently ask people with accents where their accents are from, but I'm not obnoxious about it, and I don't dig into personal things.

I did, however, ask a pt's daughter about her name yesterday. Her parents came from Vietnam in the late '70's and she was born on the way over. They named her Freedom.

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

You mentioned that these people get into topics of religion. Unfortunately, there are a number of people (typically white) who feel it's their duty to tell everyone who doesn't buy into their religious ideas that they're wrong and will go to hell.

Thanks for the irrelavent racial generalization:nono:

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

To the OP, sorry you're getting grilled like this. You'll have to refine your evasive manuveurs. People probably are just trying to make conversation and are well meaning, albiet nosy. You probably come across as very open, friendly, and so forth. Along with your accent, something is making them want to find out more about you.

You'll have to come up with a standard, reheorificed reply. Also, if you keep conversation subject on the patient, asking them questions about them and their background, it'll keep the subject off of you.

Don't let anyone put you on the spot. Just say that you have a rule not to answer personal questions and that it's discouraged by your employers, something along those lines. Also, keep them talking about themselves.

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