The Best Piece of Advice I Was Ever Given

honeyforasalteyfish

I suffer from Crohn's disease. Its why I want to be a nurse. When I was 18/19 I was accepted to a state university. I flunked out, because I was bleeding internally, and lost 60 pounds instead of taking a medical leave of absence.

Later on I developed depression, and it turned into ideas of reference that ruined what happiness I had found in my life.

I have found the depression much harder to deal with than the crohn's despite on paper being much easier to treat.

For years it wrecked my life unchallenged. I will not be defined by my "conditions"

I have found higher education, and treatment of my depression has done miracles for my psyche all I ask for is a chance to complete my education before it is to late.

I have lost a lot of friends because of it, burned bridges, and bitter feelings left in the wake.

I find I don't care. Because for once in my life the ball's in my court, I define my own future, not what other people perceive me to be based off my past. How could they possibly understand. I tried committing suicide three times, I made up this nonsense about going to Ireland, but really what I had just done was try to kill myself. I was expecting to die.

I take a risk posting this, because of my ambitions, I find I no longer care, I will not be defined by my past. I enjoy the present for the first time in my life. I want to break that stigma. I don't want to hide from my past I want it defeated.

I want to be better, stronger than I was, better than I ever imagined I could be when I thought my loved ones would be better off with me dead. My future is for me to decide, and no one else. Any one who says otherwise is no friend of mine.

I want to be a nurse practitioner someday, and I find all my bridges between former friends are burnt. You know what that is ok, they are my past, my future is education. My future is in bettering myself every step of the way.

I will succeed, because after all I have been through nothing less is acceptable to me. I will achieve my goals, or die trying (figuratively speaking of course).

I risked my life to take my finals only a year ago. I was told I could die if I took my finals, you know what the difference between my 19 year old self, and my 26 year old self? I thought it worth the risk, I know what I would do with the last days of my life, and that is go to school, work for my education.

I will succeed one way, or another, nothing can stop me now, but me. I have finally between the demon that is depression to a utter unrecognizable pulp. I can look at myself in the mirror again, and I find I like the feeling.

I got better, when I was told I might not make it, I have never wanted anything so badly in my life.

My biggest fear is my depression, and the mental instability it caused me for two reasons.

I never want to go back to that wreck I was, and I fear it has cost me my future. That is when a poster on AN gave me the best advice I have ever been given, and while I forget her username I cherish the advice.

Stop acting like these things are holding you back, you define your future. So I am trying to define my future. Because that is what I wanted most desperately to define my own future.

The Best Piece of Advice I Was Ever Given

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