Well, this is just an update to relieve my mind and stress. Don't worry this is not to receive advice....just to vent. It really sucks being reported. Knowing that it will be permanently on my record scares the living crap out of me. I made a mistake and I'm adult enough to face the consequences, but boy do I feel like crap. I go to work scared that everyone knows and then once the letter comes out with my name, I will be so ashamed. Everyday I'm depressed and I cry on a weekly basis easily. I feel like my career is over.
Sometimes the constant depression is too much. After work, I just lay in bed and other times I just zone out in front of my television. Everyday I have to put on a happy face for my family, my friends, my co-workers, and my boss. My boyfriend tries to help but he's not a nurse. He's encouraging me to start a new career but I love nursing. I don't want to quit, but sometimes I don't know if I have the energy to fight anymore. I mean realistically there really is no fight. I'm just waiting on the BON to tell me if I will be able to keep my license. That alone is so much stress in itself. Any letter that I receive in the mail from my employer or the BON produces so much anxiety that I can't even fully explain it. All I can say is that it scares the sh** out of me.
Again, I'm just venting. To all nurses please protect your license at all times and don't do anything stupid.