Testimonials wanted from new nurses (Or nurses who share this experience)

[1rn2an0ther]

A little background from me. Becoming a nurse has always been my passion growing up. I am sure some of you share the same experience and used this as your motivator to become an RN. I just started as a new grad RN working on a med-surg floor. I felt the need to start on this unit to have a solid foundation for my nursing skills and to be the best well-rounded nurse as I can be. My preceptor has been phenomenal during my orientation period and I feel very supported by the staff and the mangers. But lately, I am having an internal battle with myself (like most of us do early on in our career). The struggle that I face has to do with me beating myself up for the small things and feeling like I am an imposter in this field. I am not the smartest person, but I do know my stuff in a general sense. (But let's face it, it's not like we remember all the things from nursing school when we graduated...only the pertinent things.)

As nurses, we do our best to provide safe, patient care and mistakes can happen although we try to avoid it. When I do make a mistake, I come home at the end of the shift tearing myself apart for it. It may be because I don't want my coworkers to think I am incompetent, but also because as RNs, we carry so much responsibility for a patient. It has gotten to the point where it's hard to sleep at night before my shift. I am sure I am not alone when I say we all have doubts in the beginning and some of us may have pushed through our contemplations. The thoughts that consume me is whether or not nursing is for me. If I should leave my unit the first year and pursue something else bedsides bedside. Perhaps outpatient regardless of the pay. Something that I can do that makes me less anxious. (I know it comes with the job. I know nurses should have a thick skin. I know it may be because I am a naturally anxious person and I should seek help for it. No need to state the obvious...) 

I have considered using the resources my hospital has for caregivers, but before I do that, I would like to hear out any nurse who relates to my story and how they faced their internal battles. What did you guys do? Did you stick it out? Did you stay at bedside nursing for as long as you could? Do your jitters get better once you become acclimated to the environment? Are you now comfortable? Do you still doubt your career choice from time to time? Feel free to comment your experience and how long you have been a nurse. I am sure somebody might find this post comforting to read as they are not alone.