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Stupid things that nurses say

Humor   (195,647 Views 219 Comments)

OnlybyHisgraceRN is a ASN, RN and specializes in LTC and School Health.

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You are reading page 16 of Stupid things that nurses say. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

wondern has 20 years experience as a ASN.

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*sigh*. I have another to add. Was running charge today AND in the numbers with 5 pts, frazzled and calling for report on a new admit w/diagnosis of metastatic uterine cancer. The patient had kind of an androgynous name, and without thinking, I asked the nurse "is this patient male or female?" ....The patient with a uterus.

:yes:........:roflmao:.....:nurse::nurse:....that one keeps making me grin...

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Blondenurse83 has 6 years experience and specializes in Med Surg.

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I was giving a patient nystatin mouth rinse and I asked "do you spit it out or swallow?" [emoji15] I literally wanted to melt into the floor!

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I was charge nurse, getting shift report from the floor nurse. Now, please know it was about 0400, and you just aren't thinking straight and everything is hilarious. I was asking questions about a patients pain control. The patient had been on IV pain meds and we were trying to transition to PO pain meds. So without thinking, I ask the nurse "Have you tried giving the patient oral to see if that helps him?' :facepalm:

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djh123 has 5 years experience and specializes in LTC, Rehab.

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One of my clinical instructors warned us about assuming anything re: patients and their visitors with this story: she had once assumed that an older woman visiting the female patient was her mother, and that the guy with her was - I forget - either the patient's husband or brother. Turns out the patient and the older woman were lovers, and the guy was just a friend.

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I know I've probably said some pretty dumb stuff myself, but my favorite was one I overheard. A fellow nurse was trying to explain an incentive spirometer to a very HOH LOL, we were unaware of this. We hear "Just put it in your mouth and suck!" yelled very loudly. Followed by "Yay! You sucked that really well!" Myself, 2 other nurses, and my favorite cardio doc were laughing hysterically, nurse walks out of room and just kind of stares at us. She seriously had no idea why we were all laughing. The "WTH is wrong with you guys?" look made it even funnier. We have never let her live this down!

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One time I walked into a patients room since my coworker had asked for help with starting an IV. I notice its a nice day and our hospital sometimes has views of other brick walls from the window so I say to the patient, "Its nice you got a room with a nice view." He responded, "It would be nice if I could see!"....... Turns out he was blind, no one thought to mention it to me before I walked into the room and opened my big mouth.... :no:

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DeenieRN has 3+ years experience and specializes in Tele, CVSD, ED - TNCC.

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When I was a new grad, I rcvd a pt from the dayshift nurse and she informed me that the man was really grumpy and hadn't been very nice to her. I was prepared to meet this dude and assumed my shift wasn't gonna go smoothly, and would be immediately looking on the MAR for a sleeping pill lol.

Anyway I went in to assess the pt and got into conversation with him, he was pleasant with me and told me he didn't want the dayshift nurse again tomorrow. On this occasion, I was intrigued and asked why? He told me when she wrote her name on the board in the morning, on the "goals" area she wrote "don't be SOB", he's like, why would she tell me not to be a son of a b***h, that's so rude. I burst out laughing and explained that she meant "don't be short of breath", I erased the board and wrote "be happy" with a big smiley face. We both had a good chuckle about it. :up:

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775 Posts; 12,838 Profile Views

I was teaching a brand new RN from a notoriously BAD nursing school how to do trach care. When I removed the inner cannula she screamed "Whoah! How's he gonna breathe?" Don't get me started on hanging tube feedings and flushing lines. She did finally learn to start IV's. Couple of years later she became a unit manager although thankfully not ours. Spent a lot of time out back smoking which took priority over anything else except lunch. One day she just walked off the job never to be heard from again. Probably went back to tending bar, which she had done for many years before getting a GED and a 2-year degree in nursing.

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nursejoy1 has 22 years experience as a ASN, RN and specializes in Geriatrics.

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I was once asked to check to see if a patient's condom cath was in place. I closed the door, pulled the curtain and pulled the leg of his shorts to the side and said, "Looks good to me." He grinned and said, "I know".

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vintagemother specializes in Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC,.

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I was once asked to check to see if a patient's condom cath was in place. I closed the door, pulled the curtain and pulled the leg of his shorts to the side and said, "Looks good to me." He grinned and said, "I know".

Humor is our best friend in providing good pt care!!

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vintagemother specializes in Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC,.

2,696 Posts; 44,438 Profile Views

One of my clinical instructors warned us about assuming anything re: patients and their visitors with this story: she had once assumed that an older woman visiting the female patient was her mother, and that the guy with her was - I forget - either the patient's husband or brother. Turns out the patient and the older woman were lovers, and the guy was just a friend.

But what is the phrase to use that is appropriate when trying to determine the relationship between a visitor and the pt?

It definitely is not, "Is the your ---?" Perhaps, "is s/he family or friend?"

Please do tell!!

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