stinkin' thinkin'

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I mean really. I have it bad. I am in TPAPN. I have results pending on 2 UDS, as I have been tested 4 times in the last 2 weeks. I know I am not drinking, but I just have this feeling I am going to be positive. Or randomly dilute. I have been obsessing over it for days now, been about a week since my option 3, my option 2 was Friday. I am not even half way through with these 3 years and I feel like I am going crazy. It is weird how you can be fine with the process one day, and then hit with so many tests in just a few weeks and feel defeated, like they are hoping they catch you.

It has been so stressful having to leave work to test FOUR times in the last 2 weeks. It is embarrassing. I have had my fair share of humble pie this month and don't want anymore. I log in to Recovery Trek just knowing it will say something other than negative.

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I feel you about the fear waiting on drug screen. Option 3 takes longer. I've had similar situation myself. Screened with pending results of another test. Plus the $. I don't feel like they are trying to bust me though. It's just the way it is. The life I have now is so much better. The $ I've spent on drug screens in 3 years is a fraction of the cost of the pills I bought over the past 15 years. The fear of a false positive is palpable when I think a drug screen is taking too long. The awesome thing is I am clean. So...the roller coaster ride will be over soon when your drug screen comes back negative! I know this is all over the place! Just hang in there!

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Your not alone! Just got results back option 3, took over a week, tested for option 1 yesterday. I have to remind myself I'm just a computer generated number running thru their system, No one sitting there out to get me. We have the power to change how we perceive these events in our lives. Our perception guides our emotional response. I've 1yr 11 months left on TPAPN contract, and find myself looking to what I have to be grateful for when negativity creeps into my mind. sometimes it helps, sometimes I act like I like humble pie. I know I've not been drinking , test will be (-)

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Specializes in Critical Care, Addiction, Peer Support.

Oh, I totally get it, but,you know what? This is our disease talking to us....the thing of it is, you are reaching and talking about it, that's the right thing to do! We as addicts love to obsess....it will get better with time, in the meantime, keep doing what you're doing, stay clean, one day at a time, reach out to others in recovery. There is a LIGHT at the end of the tunnel! And hey, give yourself a break!! :) Best, Tara

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
. It is weird how you can be fine with the process one day, and then hit with so many tests in just a few weeks and feel defeated, like they are hoping they will catch you.

They are actually hoping to catch you! Remember no matter what they say - the BON does not care about you or your recovery - they care about their mandate - Public Safety. Once you get that firmly in your mind you can move on with your recovery.

Hppy

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