Stay & go to Nursing School or move family for new job

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Hello,

I need some serious advice. Right now I have the chance to move up north for a job opportunity. The pay is not great, but it would be enough to get by. More importantly the people I would be exposed to would be great. The situation I am currently in is horrible. My husband and I recently filed for bankrupty and we are about to lose our home (due to non-payment), and we have two young children and are down to one car. I have not worked in about 11 months, due to my pregnancy, and have been unable to find a fulltime job. I already have BA & MS degrees, but the type of work I did before was within media (I hated it). My husband would have to leave his job, but it is a dead end job. He will not go back to school, and has no interest in trying to be promoted within the company, so part of me does not feel so bad asking him to move. Initally the plan was for me to stay home with our baby and go to school, but that has not panned out. My husband is a poor provider, but he thinks he is doing all he can. At one point he even threw in my face how I do not work, when this is the first time in 12 years I have been unemployed. As of now I am depending on relatives to help out, and I feel horrible having to lean on them. To make matters worse my husband drinks, and we had a horrible fight about it (he already has a DUI). I now may have the chance to stay, but the job would be back in the field I hate.

Is it selfish of me to want to move, and uproot my family? I feel though if I am going to make the move I have to do it now, or I may not get another chance. Although my husband wants the respect of the man of the house, he has not really earned it, and I have other issues with him as well. I feel what I am doing, he should be doing to try and save our family. Not that I feel a woman can not do it, but I would have to leave the oldest child behind, so she can finish out the school term. Whenever we have been in trouble I have always been the one to get us out of it, and I am tired of doing that. I have always put my family first and now I think I want to put me first so that my children can have a better life.

I welcome any advice!

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Hi!!!

I think you should have to asked permission from your husband...

Just pray always and may god bless you!!!

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Specializes in Med-Surg/Peds/O.R./Legal/cardiology.

I would think for a very long time before I uprooted my family to move to an area that I was unfamiliar with for a possible job opportunity. You also said that the money isn't that great. I think that your question may better be answered by Suze Orman, as far as financial difficulties go. You may be compounding your problems by adding more instability at this time in other areas, especially with the children. Please be cautious. Your husband may be depressed and is lashing out. Is there a counselor that you can talk to?

ebear

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i know i'm not old enough to know about relationships but since your husband is not a good provider i believe that you should move your family...

he has to understand that what ever decision you make, everything is because you love your children...

take care...

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Man I can understand your situation. It seems like a page out of my life a few years ago. I didn't have respect for my hubby either. But I went to school, and almost four years later I am working 3 eights /week in a job that allows me to stay at home for most of the week. I have a ASN but my last semester of nursing school I got pregnant with #3 then stayed home until he was 13 months:). He was definately not planned but ended up to be a blessing. When I started to work again my hubby started to not stress and was easier to live with, he did not drink but was on the computer all the time. We have found Dave Ramsey and are planning to take a course that he offers. Look at his web site www.daveramsey.com. By the way by what do you mean the people would be great, family or a support system? I know it is hard to respect a man when you do not think he is doing what you think he should.

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This is a hard one. If you move you may find yourselfright back in the same situation in the near future. Where do you want to be in 5 or 10 years? That is what you need to ask yourself. Also, what impact would the move have on the kids? Is it just spending s lot of money to relocate to just a lateral move where you will have same issues in a different scenery?

Is nursing where you want to be? If so, start planning now for that future. It took me several years to arrange my life so I could go back to school andI don't regret it one second. A setback for me was when I made a move similar move that ended up being a big mistake.

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Specializes in Critical Care,Recovery, ED.

The advice about Dave Ramsey is good advice. You basically have a long term question (move and stay in your current field vs re-educate as an RN ) to deal with an acute short term problem. No matter which you choose in order to solve the short term both you and the rest of your family need to change your lifestyle. There is no predicting which path would be better as each depends on change to be successful. Without fundamental change neither choice will solve your problem.

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
The advice about Dave Ramsey is good advice. You basically have a long term question (move and stay in your current field vs re-educate as an RN ) to deal with an acute short term problem. No matter which you choose in order to solve the short term both you and the rest of your family need to change your lifestyle. There is no predicting which path would be better as each depends on change to be successful. Without fundamental change neither choice will solve your problem.

:yeahthat: I agree completely.

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I think the best advice I could suggest would be for you and your husband to sit down at the kitchen table and talk about this. With paper and pen in hand, write down what would be the pros and cons of each side. Make a list of your priorities. For example, being parents, your number one priority is taking care of your little ones and making sure that they are taken care of. Would the salary you make be more than what your husband makes now? Is the cost of living higher or lower where you are looking? If the salary is higher, but so is the cost of living...it might be better to just stay put. Also, moving itself is a very costly endeavor.

I know it is a lot you are going through, but don't act with your heart in this case, but your head. Things will work out, you just need to work with your situation, not run from it.

Kris

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Financial counseling, as others have stated, is important but I have to add that you also need marriage counseling.

Uprooting your oldest child or leaving her behind is not a good idea.

I would stay put and get help financial and marital help. Before I made any huge decision to move.

Also, Al-anon is a good idea - if your husband is an alcoholic.

Please get some help before uprooting your family.

steph

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