my sister wants to work at the same place as me

allnurses Guide · Nov 9, 2008

The only thing I can say here is, you can't tell your sister what she can and can't do. Really. So, have faith and love in yourself and know that you are a good person and a great nurse... people love YOU for who you are... and really, don't worry about what your sister is doing.

If she really is constantly trying to do everything that you do, and then "one up" you... she sounds insecure and uncomfortable in her OWN identity. Did you say she has already gone to school and graduated? Maybe you could ask her "You know sis, nursing is a TERRIBLY rough field at times, are you SURE this is what you want to do?"

nursegreen · Nov 9, 2008

Most employment applications ask if you have a friend or relative that works at the facility. She should have to disclose that you are an employee there. You can always ask HR what there policy is on family members and employment. My mother came to work at the hospital I have been at for 11 years. We have about 6000 employees though. When HR offered her the position, they did state that she could not work in the same area as me or hold a management/supervisor position that would put her over me or vice versa. Tell HR you are uncomfortable working directly with her and see what they tell you. Good Luck!!!!!

llg, PhD, RN · Nov 9, 2008

Don't give your sister that much power over your life. Make your choices and live with them regardless of what she decides. Be the best person and the best nurse you can be and let your feelings of resentment go.

You sound as obsessed with her choices as you accuse your sister of being about yours. I note that when she chose to go to another school, you were offended that she didn't think your school was the best ... But I am sure that if she had chosen to go to your school, you would have been upset about her choosing the same as you. Regardless of what she chose, you were going to be resent her choice. She couldn't "do right" in your eyes no matter which school she chose.

I suspect the same is true of her choice of employer. You resent her believing that YOUR choice is the best one ... but if she had decided that another hospital was a better choice, you would have been offended by that, too.

Just be the best person (and the best nurse) you can be and live your life without constantly monitoring your sister's choices. As long as she is working in a different department, you should be able to avoid having to work directly with her.

cherrybreeze, ADN, RN · Nov 9, 2008

Are you able to have this conversation with her? I have a twin sister, and we've had "sibling rivalry" issues in certain aspects over the years. We were both CNA's for a time in the past, I became an RN though and she pursued a totally different career path.

We did end up working at the same nursing home for a while, different shifts. I found that I actually enjoyed working with her, and in fact I worked a double one night when we were short and I orientated her, and we had a lot of fun. She appreciated my knowledge and we got along great on the job. If you think that it might not work for the two of you in the long run, just be honest with her...she might be more understanding than you think, if you let your concern be known that you'd like to keep your family and work lives stay separate. Good luck!

grandee3 · Nov 9, 2008

I've had to deal with the exact opposite as you. I am six years younger than my sister. I have always looked up to her, always wanted to do things exactly like her. When I got married, my dress was very similar to hers, I picked out a similar pattern for crystal, china and silverware. This always bothered her (so I thought) but she never said a thing. Until, about 15 years ago, when we both got divorced and moved in together as roommates. Wow, it all came out.

You see, I thought she was always upset that I wanted to have everything alike. She was not, it was me always thinking that.

While we were roommates, I was able to go to nursing school and she was my biggest supporter. Today, I don't know how I would have done it without her. She has remarried and lives close by. We are in our 60's now, and I cherish every day we have together. Thanks, sis!:redbeathe

Please try not to turn everything into a competition. Enjoy your sis, and if she does come to work where you are, so be it. Call her, go to lunch and shopping, find other things to talk about. You will find that there is a person out there that is just trying to love you.

LuvPedsNrsg · Nov 9, 2008

thank you all for your responses. More than anything I want to have a healthy relationship with my sister, but the truth is we never have. This is all rooted in our childhood as my dad favored her over me and my mom favored me over her. Therefore, everything we did or accomplished was turned into a competition. We did work together in an office job where she was technically one of my bosses...that did not work out so well. She accused me of spreading rumors about her having an inappropriate relationship with someone in the office. Something I would never do. I am fearful of this not working out well if she does get a job where I work and I just want to tell her that it makes me uncomfortable. I hate to say this but she is a manipulative person just like my dad. I just believe there are many other good hospitals in the area she can work at.

kmn360 · Nov 9, 2008

It almost sounds like she may want to be a little closer to you than you are willing to allow. She may be looking up to you, by following you. My sister and I never got along as kids - only 17months apart - boy did we flight and argue. We too had parents who favored one over the other. Now we are close - this did not happen over night, but we know we are different people as adults with our own lives, we may not always agree on things, but that's what make us individuals. I would love the chance to work or even live near her and her family.

I hope you are able to overcome your differences and just enjoy being - sisters.

I wish you both luck in your new careers.

mom2michael, MSN, RN, NP · Nov 9, 2008

Only you know what is really going on, we are just on the outside looking in. Perhaps once in your life it used to be a competition but now maybe she is just reaching out to you for love and friendship and a more sister like relationship. Maybe she turned to nursing because it was something the two of you could have in common?

Even if she comes to work at the same facility as you, will it be the end of the world? It seems that this particular hospital is large, well spread out and plenty of opps for both of you to find your ninch in nursing somewhere.

You can not pick your family, you can only love what cards you were dealt. You are both grown and getting ready to start respectable careers and engage in a great life - sometimes it's OK to let things go and move on.

racing-mom4, BSN, RN · Nov 9, 2008

thank you all for your responses. More than anything I want to have a healthy relationship with my sister, but the truth is we never have. .

my sister and I did not start even liking each other till we were in late 20s early 30s. I was pretty much raised by dad and she by mom.

After some good ol knock down drag outs, tears and hugs who would ever know it but we are now dear friends.

Keep an open mind and open heart and you just never know, maybe her wanting to work wtih you is not her trying to one up you. but maybe sub consiously it is her wanting to re-connect with you.

If you take the high road you will never have regrets.

Best of luck--this may just be the start of a great new relationship