My first experience taking prescribed/needed pain medications in recovery.

In the last eleven years I have had several experiences with lack of treatment for legitimate pain associated with documented, confirmed diagnosis of disease or condition. The first six years of this time frame I was in a contract agreement with Addictionologists who prescribed Subutex or Methadone, I was obligated to disclose this. While I choose not to include this as a part of my true 'recovery' period, I was honest.

My first experience was with cancer. I had been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma at age 38 and I was taking Subutex. A bone marrow biopsy was ordered and obtained without analgesia. Perhaps no one receives analgesia, I really don't know. I only know that it was very painful. I screamed for the entire procedure, I believe it lasted about 20-30 minutes.

The second experience was a stirrup fracture, or Lisfranc fracture of the left foot. I tripped over the tongue of a trailer and bent my foot in half. The three middle metatarsals were broken clean in half, I was in a boot for six months.

The third experience was a kidney stone. After disclosing my maintenance opiate status, I was at least given Toradol after four hours of writhing in agony. This was enough for me to relax and pass the stone. And I was grateful.

We are now in the period of what I refer to as my 'true' period of recovery. I have been off all mind and mood altering drugs for two years. I have a bad tooth, I need an implant but I'm scared. I know that I must be honest about my recovery and past addiction. I will feel pain and maybe the pain will be bad. I don't treat the tooth, I let it rot. It rots for the next three years, untreated. At least there's a tooth there, instead of a gap. And let's get real, drug addicts often have gaps. Who wants a nurse with bad teeth?

Last year, in 2017, I got Shingles for Christmas. It was a fairly bad case, with lesions on the left side of my chest. They also ran along the left shoulder, up the left back side of my neck, into my hairline and behind the left ear. It was the strangest, most painful experience to date. Most painful, because the worst of it lasted unabated, for four days. The nights were always the worst. I was given Gabapentin, the first dose worked. The doses after the first dose did not work. I fought my urge to jump up off the couch and run down to the nearest ER to beg for relief. I'd disclosed my recovery status to them before, did I really want to go through the humiliation again? It was going on day five, with no relief and I fell asleep praying. I woke up in better shape, I was able to bear it from that point on.

I have a support system in place and I'm working my tail off for recovery. And this tooth in my head is still rotting. Obsessively brushing my teeth because I am afraid my breath smells because of it; I never smile. It's important to mention here that I have dental insurance, good dental insurance. It is not lack of finances preventing me from treating this tooth. It is fear. Fear of pain, fear of judgment, fear of a medical professional deciding I don't get relief of pain, because I am a recovering addict.

The inevitable begins to happen, it starts with just a slight twinge of pain. Teeth are shifting a little because the roots of this cosmetically very important tooth are weakening and I'm forced to do what I have been dreading. I bring it to my group and tell them my fears ( based on very real life experience ) and together we begin to formulate a plan. The first priority is that I am NOT going to suffer anymore. I go for my appointments leading up to the procedure, literally shaking. I fill out my history forms honestly, as I always do. My spouse comes with me as a support and we make the appointment. The day of the appointment arrives and I grip the chair, I am discharged with antibiotics, a rinse and a tiny, little prescription for Norco 5mg/325mg, 12 tabs and NO refills.

At this point, I have now been in recovery for over five years. There is some trepidation involved in getting up the courage to take that first dose, as there should be. I wait until the numbness completely wears off, to be sure I'm feeling pain. I've had an extraction, I've had drilling, I've had bone grafting, I've had some digging and what felt like chipping and shoving around of existing bone. But I'm an addict, I'm not allowed to feel pain ( or if I do I'm gonna need to suffer through it to prove that I'm really in recovery ). It's real, I feel pain. I take the first dose and totally anticlimactically, I fall asleep. Wait, I haven't robbed the CVS? Or spun out of the driveway, in search of a new drug dealer? I can't believe it.

I never deviated from doctor's orders, I took these pills as prescribed. My five years in recovery were a beacon of a better life and one I did not wish to leave behind, just because I had legitimate pain. It is important to note that not everyone who is abstinent desires recovery. I do not discount the chances of an addict who is merely abstinent to go right back to the drug, they are not usually honest about anything. What I propose is the medical profession learn to recognize the differences. Those in contracts with Addictionologists should at least be given a conference call, with all parties present, 'hey doc, my foot is missing.' When a person in recovery discloses to you their status, it's so that you can remember it when deciding to approve refills. It's not so that you can decide if they require no treatment at ALL. We're human, we experience pain. A legitimate prescription is not the difference between recovery and relapse, it is simply humane. Apply strict prescribing practices, that's good medicine. It's protection for everybody.

I'm now twenty-four hours the other side of my last dose of Norco. I feel no symptoms of withdrawal, I feel no cravings for more. I didn't have to sacrifice honesty, or integrity. My wits are not addled, I can read directions and abide by them. What I do feel is relief... I'll get my pretty, new tooth in about three months and I can smile again. We do recover!